First lesbian date? Clueless old bird needs your help.

[Nearlyteatime]

In short: was married to a man for years despite knowing I was gay from young age. Marriage ended amicably several years ago, but there's been too much going on in recent years for me to consider dating. Have NCed as I've posted so much on here that would identify me!

I have never dated. My relationships have evolved from close friendships.

A woman I've met a couple of times (and really like) has asked if I'd like to discuss a shared interest (let's say "upholstery" for the sake of anonymity) over wine. I've said yes. I know she's gay. She knows I'm gay. We've fixed a date. But is it a date, or is it just talking and drinking?

If I wanted to talk about 'upholstery' with someone and didn't want it to be misconstrued, I'd always say coffee, not wine.

Really, really hoping it's a date...

Any advice on how to read the signs, o wise and lovely MNers?

Hi Nearlyteatime
I am so so pleased for you, your story is lovely and inspiring.

My mum came out last year at the very young age of 55!
I felt so bad that she had kept it quiet all that time though if she hadn't I wouldn't be here! She had known since her teens but didn't feel able to deal with it at the time

She was so nervous and worried about the whole dating thing, but we encouraged and nudged her. A year on, a few dates later and she has moved to Brighton so she can be more involved in a vibrant LGBT scene!
She is a completely different person (in a good way) and I can't wait to see how her life evolves now.

Good luck with the new start OP, and to everyone dealing with coming out/ dating!

Thank you for all the encouragement. We're meeting up again v soon and I'm feeling all tingly just at the thought.

What a heartwarming thread, I hope everything works out for you.

I have a lovely to do list for this weekend. (Excluding the usual Friday night stuff: wash school uniform, use up decaying veg in culinary experiment, etc)

Buy new pants.
Pluck eyebrows.
Tingle.

Who wants to join me in a rousing rendition of 'The Power of Love'? (Huey Lewis, of course, not the power ballad).

Huey Lewis! now that's a blast from the past

Enjoy the tingle and hope the upholsterer likes your pants

It's Huey because this song was my fave when I was 14 and that's how old I feel right now.

Thanks for sharing this story - long live tingling, and Anticipation!

I love this thread

Glad things are going well OP

Wine was a sign! I knew it!
Thanks for the update, lovely to hear things are going well for you :)

Pregnant and hormonal and sobbing at this. Unsuccessfully trying to convince myself I might be gay so that one day I might be so courageous and cool.

at courageous and cool. I really am neither, but that's a lovely compliment. It's taken me a squillion years to get this far. A 5 ml dose of bravery every few years. But still, it's amazing and I am so, so, so grateful to be here. I have some lovely, loyal friends who were hopeful for me when I was grey and lost and I am loving their excitement (and yours) on my behalf.

Will you indulge me for a moment longer? There's a poem by Christopher Logue that I copied out and kept in my purse when being sane and real and me was impossible.

Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It's too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
and we pushed,
And they flew.

Gorgeous, innit?

As you were.

Now to belt out a bit of Whitney while I wash up.

Bugger. Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger.

Wine was not a sign. Wires were so far sodding crossed that they were plaited into a sodding rope. (I know that's not what crossed wires mean but I can't be sodding arsed to sodding write properly). RL friends - who pored over the signs - are astonished. I feel stupid and immature.

It would have been nice, that's all. I'll be fine, I'll pick myself up and move on, but there's a bit of me that wants a sodding 'well done' and some hug-shaped rewards in RL.

I'm sorry.

But you're right; you will pick yourself up again. Coming out was a huge leap forward.

I know it's a cliche but She is out there for you somewhere.

Oh god, feel for you OP! Happens to the best of us - on much less evidence than 'wine' being mentioned as well! Seems mortifying at the time - but nothing ventured nothing gained. Sorry for the cliche.

Bugger to the power of a squillion . It would have been nice, yes, and you do deserve a 'well done'. With my sensible head on I'll say that it's better to know now rather than waste any more time and energy lusting after her and daydreaming - but I am so sorry you have lost the daydreams because they are so delicious.

You've made a huge leap forward and are on the right trajectory - she really is out there for you

Bugger indeed.

But you have moved forward so much through this that the next steps with the right person will be so much easier.

Ah well.

To be honest I feel quite relieved, rather than heartbroken. I have made a new friend, and that's good. I think it was the idea of a possible relationship that got me so excited, rather than falling for her in particular (which isn't healthy, if I'm honest). Still, lessons learned. It wasn't just wine; there were loads of other 'signs' too. Screamingly unambiguous signs, according to the RL chorus. Except they were signs of something different.

I'm utterly knackered. All the adrenalin and fizz of the last weeks has gone. I would love to sleep but I have a busy day at work. I'm promising myself a lovely early night with an audio book. I might buy myself some lovely soft bedsocks on the way to work.

Rock and roll.

Sorry to hear this OP. Was it a case of misread signs or perhaps being led up the garden path somewhat?

:(

I'm sorry. Have a 'well done' for putting yourself out there and some virtual hug-shaped rewards. As you said waay up thread, at least it's shown you you're ready to date. And I bloody love that poem, thanks for drawing it to my attention. You'll soar next time.

I think, majestic, that it would be easier if it was the garden path, because then I could be cross!

skater, I had such a similar thought this morning. Focus on what I love - the dc, my amazing job - and start doing more of the things that bring me joy: singing, being in nature, etc.

One of the lovely things about this thread is learning how many women are in a similar position!

And now to get down to work. My playlist today will consist entirely of irritable, gothic and "don't fuck me with, sunshine" songs. Suggestions welcome!

Hahahha! "Don't fuck me with sunshine!" Why not, because you prefer moonshine? Aaaaagh!

Stepping away from the keyboard till my balance and decorum is restored.

For what it's worth, a dear friend came out 6 years ago in spectacular style (announced she was gay and leaving her husband by bringing girlfriend to a party and snogging her all night) and is now blissfully happy, married to same lovely girlfriend, raising her now-8 year old. Your time will come.

I've been out for years, but still utterly misread situation before, made fool of myself and broke my heart - we all do it, but get back up and try again, so don't feel bad.

Hugs and cake your way xx