First lesbian date? Clueless old bird needs your help.

[Nearlyteatime]

In short: was married to a man for years despite knowing I was gay from young age. Marriage ended amicably several years ago, but there's been too much going on in recent years for me to consider dating. Have NCed as I've posted so much on here that would identify me!

I have never dated. My relationships have evolved from close friendships.

A woman I've met a couple of times (and really like) has asked if I'd like to discuss a shared interest (let's say "upholstery" for the sake of anonymity) over wine. I've said yes. I know she's gay. She knows I'm gay. We've fixed a date. But is it a date, or is it just talking and drinking?

If I wanted to talk about 'upholstery' with someone and didn't want it to be misconstrued, I'd always say coffee, not wine.

Really, really hoping it's a date...

Any advice on how to read the signs, o wise and lovely MNers?

Yes, good question Hermione: does she know your gay and does she know that you know she's gay? If so it must be a date... Or at least she's interested in getting to know you better.

You're not your

Yes, she knows and she knows I know. We met at an event for lesbians. I don't mean a kd lang concert where the non-gays are allowed to attend. There was no room for ambiguity.

But - and I'm moving my glasses to the end of my nose for this a la Sarah Lancashire in LTIHalifax or maybe Doctor Who - didn't I tell you that it really is only a friendly meeting and wine is not a sign and you and all my RL friends will be disappointed and there will under no circumstances be upholstery next week?

And if that's the case, where do I go from here? Guardian Soulmates? What do you think? (Bet-hedging, moi?)

Well, if it doesn't work out, there seems to be dozens of interested women here, some of whom didn't even realise they were gay until your post!

So much of your story resonates with me, and I will be in the queue.

It is a date. You are both gay, you are both interested in 'upholstery'; people have married with less than that in common!

Try not to nervously gulp the glass of wine all down in the first 5 minutes. If you do, then just calmly order a second round. (but stop before ten!).

Date date date date date date date

Good God, just had a text message from a friend who said she's doing craft stuff today; in particular, felting!!!

Not sure what she means now...

Ok, don't worry too much about whether it is definitely a date or not (it is though!), just go with the intention of having a pleasant afternoon/evening and see what happens. If you feel awkward, wine.

I've stopped focusing on the particularities and am now just excited that (i) I am going to meet a lovely woman and see what happens.

Today I shall be mainly belting out the soundtrack to Frozen. ("For the first time in forever..." rather than "I wanna stuff some chocolate in my faaaaaaace", although the latter is always true).

Hope your Sundays are fabulous, whether you are felting, quilling or dashing your haber.

Horsemad - Surely she's a MNer! Felting indeed - the filthy cow!

If I said to my DP "darling we need to pop to the haberdashery prior to an upholstery evening" he would do this face then walk out the room muttering and shaking his head.

It somehow fits perfectly within a lesbian romance - probably because both of you have the power to understand nuances!

I've been wondering what millinery might mean...

Even if it isn't a date you could still, ahem, try for a snog. Or perhaps that's just my tried and tested approach. Wine helps with this one.

I was genuinely going to try out candle making later today for the first time. I don't think I'd better mention it to my RL friends they'll think I'm some sort of pervert!

Love this thread, you are so brave. I think you should NC to nearlyupholsterytime ;)

Good luck!

OP - Is today the day then?

aylesbury, I can't imagine actually ever using these euphemisms in RL, although hats off to the filthy creative minds at work on this thread. I'd come across like Pete in 'Gavin & Stacey' when he tries to do role-play. (I'm also reminded of Smithy and Nessa wooing each other over a KFC).

'Quilling', however, sounds quite delicately thrilling and could have come straight from the pages of Sarah Waters. (The actual RL craft is not thrilling. It's a form of torture).

No, today is not the day. We picked the first day we could both do. It's soon. I promise I'll tell you how it goes.

O god, now I'm worried that I'll start doing both parts of 'Fixer Upper' (blink blink) to fill any awkward silences. She doesn't have dc so may not know every note of that soundtrack. I'm imagining her stunned face when I finish my rendition of 'In summer', jazz hands akimbo, with a little nod.

Lol Ghoul, not sure but wouldn't think so.

Just a weird coincidence I think.

oh please do the jazz hands thing!!

I am now slightly worried about mentioning anything craft related in case it's misconstrued and everyone thinks I'm off for an evening of debauchery.

Im like you with the pete thing from Gavin and Stacey, it always comes across as a bit fnar fnar

Wine is definitely code word for sex.

That made me LOL. :D

whoops did the wrong smilie.

Another one living vicariously through you here.
I wanted the date to be today!

Horseman - you should definitely ask her if she fancies doing an upholstery course at the local night school and see what she does (Perfect time of year for this joke! Although you'll probably have to do the course if she's not a MNer and actually fancies it!)

My friend's sister is a lesbian and she joined Guardian soulmates. She met her wonderful DP on there (they now live together and there's talk of a wedding!). So it may be good for gay relationships. The same can't be said of the men on there.

Another one delurking to say 'go OP!'

...and that there is some hope for straights on Soulmates (met DH on there)