First lesbian date? Clueless old bird needs your help.

[Nearlyteatime]

In short: was married to a man for years despite knowing I was gay from young age. Marriage ended amicably several years ago, but there's been too much going on in recent years for me to consider dating. Have NCed as I've posted so much on here that would identify me!

I have never dated. My relationships have evolved from close friendships.

A woman I've met a couple of times (and really like) has asked if I'd like to discuss a shared interest (let's say "upholstery" for the sake of anonymity) over wine. I've said yes. I know she's gay. She knows I'm gay. We've fixed a date. But is it a date, or is it just talking and drinking?

If I wanted to talk about 'upholstery' with someone and didn't want it to be misconstrued, I'd always say coffee, not wine.

Really, really hoping it's a date...

Any advice on how to read the signs, o wise and lovely MNers?

Hope she doesn't live up to the serial killer NN!?! ?? keeping fingers crossed for you, I do love a 'baby dyke* first date' excitment to share, got the warm fuzzies for you, hoping you sparkle and glow your wY through a fun evening

• going by new to it rather than age assumptions here

Ps I love being a dyke, so I use the term with affection, no offense intended to those that might hate the term

Having read the thread Nearly, I am so ridiculoulsy excited for you...regardless if it turns out to be upholstery, wine and nothing more; you are clearly well on your way in your journey and I wish you nothing but joy and happiness.

Can't wait to hear how it goes and just relax, be yourself...enjoy.

Sounds like a date to me too

As pps have said, just relax and enjoy her company.

You know you need to come back and update us, don't you OP?

I hope you and the Upholsterer have a lovely time.

I hope you and the Upholsterer have a lovely time must be one of the most random sentences I've ever typed, even on MN. Do I win a prize?

Oh I am very excited for you

A tad disappointed not to 'know' who we are talking to, it's nice to see a butterfly emerging when you have seen the chrysalis!!

I'm glad that you are hopeful it's 'a date' but equally recognise it might not be. I'd go (what some people would consider) a long way out of my way to talk about my 'hobby' with someone I liked - male, female, single or not. So I guess you need to be prepared for the fact that she might just really like you as a person and want to talk about 'upholstery'. MN can whip you up into a real frenzy then it's a bit of a blow if it doesn't work out.

I hope you have a lovely evening - whatever happens! :)

Sounds pretty date-y to me. But be prepared for her to have invited other people along. Or to be planning on taking you out so you get a chance to meet someone. Or for her to totally fancy the pants off you but to never, ever give any signals so you really do spend the entire evening talking about 'upholstery' and both go home feeling deflated and convinced the other really doesn't fancy you when the opposite is in fact true.

(From bitter personal experience of ladydates ).

I love this thread, I keep lurking, I love the support you have, I wish I was a brave as you, unfortunately I think I'll just have to dream and watch from a safe distance. Good Luck I hope it's a date for you and all goes well, I'm very excited for you too.

Thank you OP this thread has made me smile

I hope you have a wonderful time, it sounds like you are indeed ready to get out there. Remember too that we attract good things when we are at our most happy with ourselves (glowy!) so go enjoy!

Sounds like a date to me too!

You sound lovely and she'd be crazy not to want to upholster a relationship with you.

I hope you have a great time!

Latte, you won't have heard of me, so the NCing is purely paranoia on my part that someone in RL might read all my threads and I would be unmasked. But I could reveal my identity and you'd be none the wiser, honestly! (Just to prove it: I am usually a female character from a children's book who spies on her friends).

maydieachrysalis, your post really moved me. I don't know your circumstances, but I hope you can find some encouragement here. Seven years ago I felt as if I'd been walled in inside my own head like some medieval torture. I thought my choices were to live a lie and suffer debilitating depression or to live honestly and destroy my family. I even thought they'd be better off without me. A very wise physio (who acted as a counsellor, in effect) said I was like a chrysalis and that the process of growth was organic and unstoppable and that I would emerge and fly. Sounds a bit naff, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.

It took a long time before I could be honest with friends and family, and I had a brilliant therapist who helped me no end. The process has been incredibly slow and at times very frightening. I was horribly depressed for years. Coming out to my parents in my late 30s was one of here most terrifying things I've ever had to do (and I used to have the sort of job where I was at physical risk on a daily basis!). There's been do much going on in my family over the last few years - bereavement, chronic illness, several house moves, near bankruptcy - that looking after my own needs has come very low on the list and I haven't had the energy to get out there and some days have been left wondering what the point was of all that pain. But the thing about the chrysalis is that it looks like a bit of dead wood for a long time, but something unimaginably beautiful is growing. It things could change for me, they can change for you.

Ok, sermon over.

One of my friends is sure (in her own words) that "wine is a sign" but I have now convinced myself that the wine is just wine, but the Upholsterer is still someone I'd love to hang out with, so I'm chillin.

I promise I will report back no matter what.

again to all you lovely, lovely people.

I'd say it's definitely a date! I agree with your friend regarding 'wine is a sign'. Have fun!

You sound really lovely Nearly. My kind of humour. If I was gay I would definitely be interested in dating you... What I mean is that if it turns out she only wants to talk about upholstery and you have to try internet dating afterwards, judging by the way you chat online you will be inundated with dates in a thrice!

Tell me, this is your first lesbian date, but have you done, you know, lesbian stuff before? Or are you TOTALLY new at the whole thing?

Totally new, bigus.

When is your date O.P.

Soon. But not soon enough. And I've decided it's not a date, it's just two people talking about upholstery.

Exciting

It's definitely a date.

Good luck! Smile!

Oh my my my my - from something you said earlier I thought you had been with other women, but not dated as such (met through hobbies/work/whatever) and this was your first/maybe first 'date'. I didn't realise it was your first foray into The Other Side. OH my. Shit a brick, no wonder you are nervous

You sound fab and like someone else said, if I was gay I would want to go out with you - see where it went... so, you know, if this 'date' doesn't work out, I'm sure you'll have a lot of women wanting a date :)

Frankly, it sounds a lot nicer than dating men :)

(still none the wiser who you 'were' I'm as dense as a forest when it comes to clues like that - but don't worry, just enjoy your new identity!).

maydieachrysalis - :( don't say that < What's stopping you coming out?

maydieachrysalis, pm me if you like. Still thinking about your comment.

latte, "Oh my my my my my" is about right.

Also explains why all my RL mates are holding their breath collectively. When I came out, they all went, 'Duh!' and have been waiting for news ever since. (They are scattered individuals, by the way, not a scary gang, but for the sake of brevity I'll present them as a Greek chorus. The happy get-yourself-laid-woman kind of chorus, not the doomy you'll-kill-your-father-and-marry-your-mother kind).

You will hear their cheer from wherever you are when I finally find myself a lady friend.

The poor (lovely) Upholsterer. The happiness of so many women is in her hands. As it were.

No pressure.

awww I love the first flush of a date

Hope it goes well and that you learn lots about "upholstery"

Gosh, this is exciting. Hope it goes well OP.

Your comments about your mates made me smile. I've had several good friends (male and female) come out, and each time they were a bit shocked at the reaction they got...

Because it always goes 'well, obviously you are... Now who can we set you up on a date with' rather than the ' oh my god what a total surprise no one could have foreseen that' kind of reaction that they were expecting.

Hope you get to check out the upholstery, as it were.

Thanks for your kind words sermon Nearly I'm really happy for you, please don't worry about me. I can't even imagine ever taking the steps you've taken, like yours in the past my priorities are bottom of the list, it would be a long time before I was able to date anyone at all let alone emerging. (I like that analogy) I'm just kind of getting used to the idea of merging my subconscious desires with conscious ones iykwim, I've had few 'crushes' in the past and have swept them aside as ridiculous. I'm just coming to the end of a rather difficult relationship, but am not in a position to do anything at the moment regarding any personal feelings I may have and I don't have time to socialise so wouldn't get the chance anyway. I'm around about the same age as you and to be honest at the moment I feel as if time is running out a bit.

Heck I'm gay, if it doesn't work out with The Upholsterer, then come talk ceramics and fused glass with me?!

Why thank you, Miss Adara. In fact I went to an actual ceramics graduate show in RL. I like a bit of medieval poetry but I also watch New Tricks. My interests are broad.

This is the best thread ever.

I'm getting very confused about crafts and 'crafts', though. If a colleague tells me on Monday she did a bit of felting over the weekend, there's a real danger I'll give her a slow wink. "And how was your (ahem) 'felting'?"

This thread has given me so many chuckles, its brilliant. I'm rooting for you OP, when is your possible date happening? Just so we know

I can felt with the best of them, I can. But I've also been known to indulge in a bit of knitting