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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My DH just sent me this text by mistake

176 replies

felttippens · 31/08/2014 01:52

Am going tell my mrs i left yours earlish in night about 10 n went to pub next t mine.sorry t put it on ya she probs wont ask but just in case mate. Cheers

?????

No idea what to think

OP posts:
ArsenicyOldFace · 31/08/2014 03:32

I'm so sorry treading. That is very dodgy.

ArsenicyOldFace · 31/08/2014 03:35

Not very subtle either.

Do you think he knows he sent text to you?

It would explain why he didn't tell you the story he planned to.

ArsenicyOldFace · 31/08/2014 03:35

Are you ok?

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 31/08/2014 03:44

Treading, take a screenshot if the text and email it to yourself. Or change the password on your phone.
You are right. It's a massive deal that he is lying. Really hope you are ok, you don't deserve this, but you will be strong. You have been already.

AlpacaMyBags · 31/08/2014 03:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSameBoat · 31/08/2014 03:48

Oh dear, you poor thing OP Thanks.

I don't think that the text being deleted from his phone means that he knows he sent it to you as he would have been sniffing around you trying to get your phone to delete it IYSWIM.

I think as soon as he sent the alibi-requesting text he deleted it routinely in case you ever looked at his phone.

I would send him a text back calling him on it and judge by his reaction whether he is lying or not. Good luck.

ColdCottage · 31/08/2014 04:02

This is so horrible. I just wanted to say I was thinking of you.

If I were you I would write him a note saying what you have seen and ask him to come down and explain once he has read it. I think communication is the best answer.

If it were me I would move the car keys somewhere else, not hidden but not so he can just grab them and go.

I hope that very difficult conversation goes the best it can. Maybe he was planning a surprise for you tomorrow, though my gut says not.

Good luck Thanks

SoSoHappy2 · 31/08/2014 05:37

I could be wrong but the way it sounds to me, between the text and what he has told you .....

Is he mates, does he know the landlord in the first pub? When he says in the text "I left yours at 10", to me that could mean leaving that pub to go onto the other pub. What it could mean is he either wasn't in the pub at all or spent a lot less time on pubs than claimed in conversation, which would fit with you thinking he hasn't drunk enough for the amount if time he was out.

So sorry for your loss and all the stress you are going through x

Littleturkish · 31/08/2014 06:10

I also think he deleted and altered story once he realised he sent to you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 31/08/2014 06:25

Definetly not "nothing"

Are you going to confront him this morning?

mcdog · 31/08/2014 07:20

You poor thing, what a horrible situation to have been in all night. You definitely need to confront him about this when hex wakes up or you will never sleep easy again. Good luck.

HiImBarryScott · 31/08/2014 08:14

There is an online joke website thing that allows you to send text messages from one number to another. Could one of his mates be playing a trick on you both?
I only know about it because my sister played a joke on me & DH using it - I got a text from him telling me something crazy so I phoned him and he had no idea what I was talking about and there was no text from his phone. Much confusion until she owned up!
Hope you got some sleep. It sounds like you've had a hellish year. Flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/08/2014 08:18

The text is very damning.

Do you think he has been using again given his previous history of drug use as well?.

AMillionNameChangesLater · 31/08/2014 08:23

I'm really sorry, it doesn't seem good

Holdthepage · 31/08/2014 08:26

Well he's hiding something that's for sure. I would ask him outright, he obviously knows that he sent you the text.

FoxSticks · 31/08/2014 08:37

This all sounds horrible Treading you have been through so much recently, have you managed to talk to him yet?

Original poster
felttippens · 31/08/2014 09:12

Feel like my emotions have been switched off - I feel anxious but not angry or hurt

OP posts:
superstarheartbreaker · 31/08/2014 09:15

The text is not the slightest bit lovey do ey. A bit odd but dosnt strike me as sexy ow shenanigans. Mate? Really?!

superstarheartbreaker · 31/08/2014 09:16

Ahhh just read about the drugs. That makes sense now. What do you want to do op?

Original poster
felttippens · 31/08/2014 09:17

Feel like my emotions have been switched off - I feel anxious but not angry or hurt

OP posts:
Original poster
felttippens · 31/08/2014 09:19

Why would he go to that extent to hide drugs when I'm aware (not happy but he's never hidden it before!?)

OP posts:
Coughle · 31/08/2014 09:20

Hope you're OK op. I would ask him about it soon before your imagination goes wild.

MusicForTheMasses · 31/08/2014 09:22

I was advised to check texts when my ex was having an affair - just like you when I looked there was nothing on his phone whatsoever. In my case, he was just too stupid to know how to delete an individual text so deleted them all, I'm sure he's learnt since! In your case I suspect he realised as he sent it and deleting everything was a knee-jerk reaction.

I would be tempted to say nothing, just see how things pan out for the moment. x

FoxSticks · 31/08/2014 09:23

I don't know but as he has deleted everything from his phone there is no way of finding out what he was up to other than asking him. It's completely understandable that you feel numb about this.

magoria · 31/08/2014 09:24

Regardless of what he lied to you. Even worse it is premeditated and gets others to lie for you.

How can you ever trust him?

Weird that you mention having a shit year and bereavement. Many people on here say their other half has cheated when this sort of shit happens.

Unfortunately you don't know if it is the first or 100th time. I don't know what you will find out from him.

Perhaps you should consider an STI test just in case?