Can rape ever be a misunderstanding?

[snowflake02]

I posted here a while back under a different user name.

My husband still maintains that this was just a misunderstanding, which leaves me totally confused. I thought I was abundantly clear in saying 'no', so I'm not sure how he could have misunderstood. But what if he really did just get it wrong? Is it even possible to rape someone by accident? Or is it not rape if it is just a misunderstanding?

I am at a total loss as to how we/I move on from this (and everything else), especially when I feel that he is not acknowledging what actually happened. I feel that he needs to acknowledge it in order to really apologise. Or is this unreasonable of me?

But perhaps I am wrong, maybe it was nothing more than a misunderstanding? His refusal to call it anything else is making me doubt myself again.

Do you think there is a realistic chance of him realising what he has done? (Genuine question).

He has had plenty of opportunity to think about what he has done, and he still hasn't realised how horrendous it was.

The real question is, do you feel safe with this man? Do you feel you can say no if he wants sex and you're not in the mood? If the answer to these questions is no then it doesn't matter what he's done in the past or how long it's been since it last happened, the issue hasn't gone away.

Alphabook you make a good point. I do worry that it will always be there, along with all the other things. And in answer to your question, I have no idea.

PacificDogwood thank you.

Hello snowflake, was just thinking of you and hope you're soon ok x

Oh fuck, I have bumped this thread by mistake. Shall report.