How do I tell him I don't want to go back to work?

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

DS starts school in two weeks. He's going straight into full-time, which frees up a large chunk of the day for me. Because of this, DH has started on about me going back to work. The thing is, I don't really want to.

We don't desperately need the money, things are tight but we manage. I never had anything resembling a career, and the only work I could realistically do is shop/cleaning work - I was more than happy to give that up, and I really don't want to go back to that, particularly if there's no financial gain (which there wouldn't be after childcare.) Besides that, I've been working on a novel for the last year and a bit, and the dream is to write full- time. The extra time I gain from DS being at school would be the perfect transition to that, but DH sees it as just a hobby. Which it is, I guess, but I'd love to make it my career, even if I don't make much money from it.

I just don't know how to talk to DH about all this, he's all but decided I'll be going back to full-time work outside the home, to the point where he's getting annoyed at the fact I'm not really looking. It's really eating at my confidence - like I'm not worth anything without a job.

At one point there was also talk of confiscating his bank card as he was spending his own money, imagine the cheek of it

this thread is ridiculous.

Winner if the most bizarre thread of the year.

I have no knowledge I writing but if I did I would write a book about how stressful it is to be the main wage earner, it is soul destroying.

At one point there was also talk of confiscating his bank card

Where?

On one of the OP numerous other threads I think.

Yet that was your reason for finding this thread ridiculous?

Well I'm not so shocked about the OP's dh taking on responsibility for her, and her ds - there are many people who are in situations like this. When my dc were small my dp (not their Dad) would share responsibility for being there if dc were sick - it was part of us all being a family and a partnership, and tbh I'd not have been in a partnership with him if he wasn't willing to do any of it.

However, I also made my own contribution to the partnership, making sure our joint future was secure, and making sure that fulfilling my own creative need has not been to the detriment of dp, or dc.

OP I doubt you'll come back now, but I really hope that you take on board some of the excellent advice that you've been given and really work with your dh to see how you can both compromise a little and both work towards you own dreams and goals as well as your shared ones.

Yet that was your reason for finding this thread ridiculous?

Er no... The incredible leaving out of information and drip feeding is.

I've not read the whole thread because 21 pages is simply too many!

Based on the first 5 pages I have to say OP you sound quite selfish and self absorbed. You don't want to work, you want to follow your dream (however unrealistic). Well welcome to the real world, people have to work to earn a living, parents have to work especially hard to provide for their kids.

It is not fair on your DH to be the sole earner so that you can sit on your arse and faff around following your hobby. You should at least seek a part-time job to take the pressure of him and to contribute something financial, even if small, to the household.

Ridiculous drip-feed, OP. I hope you've found some of the advice thought-provoking, at any rate.

I've really enjoyed the thread - interesting to see all the MN writers congregate! And inspiration for getting on with my own magnum opus....one of these days....

My friend enjoys writing and just did a journalism course - it was condensed into 5 months pretty intense but she's qualified now. Could you consider something similar if you enjoy writing?

Ffs

There are some serious lies on here! Why, OP?

Actually in the real world heaps of women are idle and just live off men so perhaps it's those of us who work full time and don't find a man to leech off who are the suckers. Then once that man leaves them they move on to man number 2.

She'd be further along now if she hadn't been nurturing his child. - oh how I laughed at that ! Where not stuck in the bloody dark ages. She has had plenty of time to write.

I think op envisages her self sat in a cafe on a rainy , looking out across the steam of a freshly brewed coffee some other romantic set up.

I've managed to read the while thread (in parts) and there have been plenty of writers on that have managed to publish stuff around busy family's.

This little lady doesn't want to go back to work - simple. Very unfair.

Greengrow, that comes across as quite bitter.

Greengrow, that's probably very accurate.

There was a thread on here (but think it was in chat so will have gone now) where someone asked how important a mans earnings were when it came to picking a mate. The number who said it was very important was astounding. So many expected to be kept or work little made for depressing reading.

Whilst I want DS to aim high, part of me hopes he does something worthwhile that just covers his living costs so that all those that pick for money steer clear.

She'd be further along now if she hadn't been nurturing his child. - oh how I laughed at that ! Where not stuck in the bloody dark ages. She has had plenty of time to write.

Especially as it turns out the DC isn't biologically the DHs