Dating Thread 80

[UrsulaBuffay]

As we were saying...

Why is it that men who appear in other ways fine want women 5 years plus younger?

Sorry I know its bleedin' obvious but ffs, saying it anyway. Just sick of seeing nice blokes who are a fair bit older than me writing me off because of my age.

And some of them think they are 'spiritual'.

hissy and all, thank you- I don't think I'll be entering the world of dating for at least a couple of years now! I take my hat off to you all, you are very courageous to be involved in the world of men. There are great ones out there I'm sure. I have met two duffers but I think that's because my radar is faulty!

Well I keep noticing that I'm getting a type of man winking and emailing me with OLD..
The sad think is they would not be my type. Also how many men are you all just messaging with OLD ? .. I'm finding I like someone's picture then I read their intro and I'm put right off..
Any way I'm persevering for the now :-) just over a week until my second date.. Just hope we get on and he's nothing like my first date

Well I met up with the lovely mr dutch. We had lots of fun and lots of talking too. But now he's gone and he won't be back for another month, also no mention of inviting me over. Feeling sad which is ridiculous I know. But he's so lovely...

louby good to see a date on the calendar for the two of you to meet up

How is everyone doing? Lots of new names on here. Hope people are enjoying the rollercoaster that is OLD

So made it to 3 months with mr pof . We talk about the future and I hope it happens. It's all about timescales because of protecting dcs really. Feeling very happy and lots of people in rl commenting on it so guess it shows. Just don't want my bubble to burst

Hi all,
Jarlin , I feel the same as you re the unskilled job and not owning their house. I know that sounds awful and I could be missing out on the love of my life but maybe I'm just a bit of a snob ! Poor Mr Golden, re the serous illness, again sounds terrible but I'd be scared to take things further.
Well I had date last night with the guy I've been seeing, I don't think I'll be seeing him again he made me dinner and I stayed over, we DTD it was a total disaster, I think he knew it too, very embarrassing and awkward this morning, lay awake for hours just waiting on a decent time to go home, tbh I wanted to disappear in the middle of the night. I just hope he doesn't get it touch, it will save be telling him I don't want to see him again ( I've never done this before I'm always the one that gets dumped) anyway onwards and upwards x

Steel nothing wrong with flexing your 'dump that fella' muscle. It's good to know you can do it.

Jarlin I was chatting to someone who ticked a squillion boxes. A few days in I asked him (half joking) what the catch was and he told me he was just coming to the end of chemo; it gave me food for thought. I was quite straight when I went back to him and said I'd come out of such a bruising divorce that I just wanted something lighthearted and happy. He totally understood.

I would always stand by anyone that I was in a relationship with but I'd struggle to take on the burden of someone who is seriously ill. That said, my best friend is terminally ill and when she's in between chemo her libido returns with a vengeance. She always finds someone online to 'assist' her. She is utterly gorgeous though. She's totally honest and makes it clear she can offer nothing but great sex and a good dining companion and stresses that she'll never be choosing curtains with him (her words!) and she always finds a lovely companion.

mini that does sound lovely, enjoy the loveliness of it!

jarlin my rational head gets that about it being much too soon to be invited over with specific dates or anything. But my soppy side wouldn't have minded have it mentioned, even in passing! He did say he wants to see me when he's next here. But I'm wondering if he thinks of it as just being a booty call for him, whereas I'd like the chance to see if it could be more than that. Anyway, there's no point in over analysing it now, it will be what it will be!

And I feel the same about the unskilled job, I got talking to a lovely soundibg guy on gsm, funny, witty also a single parent, but he works part time and on a market stall. It's about a lack of ambition for me as well as the financial implications.

questions, yip it's the lack of ambition that's a turn off to me, I've worked hard and made sacrifice s along the way to get where I am, and I've tried to instill this in to my DC'S also

A quick chat with Mr Actor has led to a coffee meet at 4:00. Will update later.

sprignheeled whether you go through this 'growing a skin' thing now or later, there is no way round it really.

OLD is a bugger, it is gruelling, but if you can believe that the opinion of others is their business, and noreflection on you, then you're capable of carrying on.

it is a process of growth/strengthening, and you do need to be very mindful throughout. my ex left in 2010. I took a year to recover/therapy etc, and then started old. went out with a guy for a year, that ended (tale of woe upthread) and I couldn't get back into it. so didn't.

now for many reasons, i'm having another go, but it's different, I genuinely don't get hung up of will they call etc.

i've had one arse dump a tonne load of shit on me (his issues) and since then, the rug being pulled from under my feet etc, i'm more hardened.

am not going to bend myself backwards for dates. for example, I have a cold, so won't meet mrsmiley for coffee this afternoon, will see how this week pans out and as long as i'm better i'll work something out.

I probably will sack the van man off. sommat's off and not 100%

O.M.G...absolutely lovely first meet with M. Lots to talk about, spark, great bloke. Wants to meet up tomorrow too

Now my wise OLDers, what to do about Mr V Nice, who is well v nice? He is a grower to be sure and after 3 dates I do like him very much and the spark is growing. I would feel soo bad sending him The Text, and what would I say? Help!

Just are you wanting to finish it with Mr V Nice because of this other date with M? I would exercise caution here!! Don't chuck all your eggs in one basket. If you don't think it's going anywhere then fine, but maybe sleep on it and wait til after the second date with M, just to be sure.

just I agree with juju wait and see what happens with M.

minmooch awaiting update!

I'm off to the cinema with friends this evening. Have no more dates lined up and don't know if I feel like opening up tinder any time soon, want to wait and see if mr dutch is going to get in touch.

just before my gsm subscription expired, I swapped emails with a guy who sounds great, except of course of the fact that he lives abroad. I seem to attract the international set! He's coming over in oct and I agreed to meet up with him when he's in town. We are exchanging a few emails, keeping it light as don't want to build up an idea of him before we've met.

just I think JuJu is right. I wouldn't pin all my hopes on one person after one date, or even after three. Maybe keep seeing both, no need to tell them. See how it goes. If and when you get the stage of wanting to DTD with one of them, I guess it would be decision time. You could string that out for a few more dates until you are quite sure.

hissy what's up with van man?

Jarlin I could cope with someone having a non-professional job and not owning their home but I couldn't set out to start a relationship with some who was ill. Of course I would prefer they were capable of holding a decent conversation about the sort of things I would find interesting, if they have a limited life experience and a job on Waitrose's deli we might struggle to find things to talk about. But status and ambition for it's own sake is almost as boring. How are you feeling now?

I have been talking to MrC again and we are meeting up in the week. I don't hold out much hope that things will be any different. Strangely as things go on, I feel less and less interested. He is busy cooking his goose! and I don't think he even realises this.

Thank you all for your wisdom

Hi Jarlin
Our stories are very similar, my EH was solvent and very ambitious and also a knob !
I don't know what you can do for the best with golden, perhaps just chat for a bit longer and see where it goes. Thinking on what you've said I suppose if you have an illness like his, a career would be the last thing on your mind.

No he hasn't been in touch, thank goodness, I honestly hope he doesn't . It was awful so disappointed :(

Justa I would say see both until it's more clear cut who you want to see more. But I am terrible at taking my own advice!

LBM hope you can sort something with MrC that makes it more clear cut as to what will or wont happen between you.

Jarlin I feel very conflicted here. My son had a terminal illness. He asked a girl out for lunch and she said no. I wanted to kill her (not really but you know what I mean). I wanted her to go to lunch because I did not want my son to be hurt. Had it been my daughter I would probably advised her not to go because I would not have wanted her to be hurt. Nothing is guaranteed. He could be clear of his disease and live to be 100. He could be clear of his disease and be knocked down by a bus tomorrow. He could be riddled with his disease and they find an instant cure tomorrow. If you like him he could turn out to be a great friend and that could be brilliant for you both.

Well I met Mr Actor for coffee, that turned into two coffees that turned into two glasses of wine. I had an absolute blast. Felt like I had met my best mate. We talked non stop. Had so much in common. Was easy, fun, I was just myself. Talked about my sons. Talked about his daughter. Talked about everything in between. Was brilliant. Who knows where it will go but he was brilliant.

Jarlin you weren't insensitive. It's life (and death). All things need to be considered. I would have hoped that had Will lived that someone would have loved him for whatever life he had. But knowing someone has a life limiting illness before you meet is a tricky one.

Mr Engineer has sent a few texts. I feel I'm a bit wild for him (and yet I'm not wild). Me Actor may be more wild than me but I felt no awkwardness, felt like I had known him forever, didn't feel I had to watch what I said.

Minmooch What a great sounding date....those dates go someway to make up for the crappy dates.

Jarlin I have absolutely no idea what to suggest re Golden, but if he is further away than you would like then maybe you have your answer?

Steel, what bad luck but don't carry it around any more than you have to. The saying about kissing a lot of frogs is not a cliche for nothing! Just put it down to having an itch that needed scratching - we've all been there. Well I have anyway! And I'm usually still itching afterwards - not many men have been able to scratch me where it's needed!!

Jarlin, don't feel bad about not being sure about Mr Golden. Just keep chatting and don't make any assumptions - after all, he might disappear after a week or meet someone else (this is OLD and he is a man, after all - illness or no illness! ) or also think the distance thing is a problem. You just don't know.

Also glad to hear about the nice dates going on this weekend - lots of potential interest out there. I guess it goes to show dating does work sometimes!! Yay!