Dating Thread 80

[UrsulaBuffay]

As we were saying...

Dire I think if there is such a fundemental difference as wanting/not wanting children right at the start it may well not be a good idea to invest your emotions. Nip it in the bud before you meet.

Hi Jarlin, yes I know very slim pickings.and I find men my age want women in their 30's and early 40's . I often think when I was in my 30's I would have run a mile if some of theses middle aged men came on to me :(

Minmooch, sorry I didn't see your reply yesterday - I guess you have two options if you want it find out if you're on the back burner: text him and ask him for a date or stop contact with him and wait for him to get back in touch??

I'm really glad to see that everyone else finds the multiple dating thing impossible!

I was on tinder for a while - I found it so amusing I set up a shared photo stream to amuse my (married, sheltered-from-the-pain-of-OD) friends. But I did get a couple of normal non-sex-pest dates out if it. I'm in a biggish city though so maybe it's just a numbers game...

Justatoe Wow, three dates in four days! That sounds both exciting and exhausting in equal measure Who are they with and which are you most looking forward to??

Bant, is that seriously a thing that men do??! The 'negging'? Blimey...I liked this thing that Derren Brown put on Facebook the other day: "Guy just told me how he plays dating game. Pah. If you like someone, be nice, make them feel great, not terrible. We all want to connect." Shame not all people think like that.

What is OKCupid like? I've been on Match, POF, GSM and eharmony in the past as well as Tinder. What others are worth trying? I'm thinking of signing up to one paid and doing a freebie alongside it.

Also, what are the Dating Rules??

Jarlin - thanks! I was gonna put 'smug bastards' but I love them all really!

Excellent rules, thanks! Although what is a loo update?!

JuJu It is 3 dates in 3 days! I am sure I am going to regret this!
I am looking to the 2 first meets equally with interest, and the third date as he is very lovely, just not sure if the real me is a bit wild for him. I am a bit of a softy though & if I like one of the others more I will feel for him.
Ho Hum.
I have another messaging me who seems fab, but possibly a drama queen & not sure I Cba with that.

Hi all
Well although officially on a mini dating break for now, have been messaging one lovely sounding guy this week - but he's disappeared on me

I just worked out if I never messaged anyone I would only have had two dates in the last few months. And I have always been first to suggest meeting up. I've never had a refusal yet So my advice would be to go for it!

Lots seem to want to swap numbers and speak on the phone really quickly - does anyone else get that?

I was nervous calling people I'd never met to begin with, but now I've done it a few times I think it helps lessen the pre-date nerves a bit.

Thanks for posting the Rules Jarlin, I think I need to keep reminding myself of numbers 3 & 7.
I've read over some of your posts, I hope you're ok x

Jarlin, hang on in there hopefully cycling guy will be back in touch when he gets back, Ohhh cyclists now you've got me thinking of Sir Chris Hoy, now he is a handsome man with the most fantastic body ;) . I know what you mean about being lazy, I just cant get motivated these days x

jarlin I hate it when I'm the one asking all the questions! I would also like to know how to put it "politely" as you say .

And I broke rule no. 9 tonight, sorry but my phone is really slow getting online so I couldn't post whilst I was in the loo. If I had, it probably would've been along the lines of...this guy is nice! we have a few things in common - shared 1st language, love of foreign films - he has a lovely smile and good eyes - eyes are very important!

But, his longest relationship, ever, has been 8 months long. And he's only 3 years old in London (ie not from here, I've tried before with guys who are not from here and though I like an internationally minded man, and am attracted to them physically, I find the lack of shared cultural norms/sense of humour etc eventually causes conversation to die out). Overall, I would say we had a bit of a spark, I enjoyed his company and was attracted to him. No mention of favourite positions either . I sent him a non-committal text thanking him when I got home and said it was lovely to meet him. I'd like to see him again to see if there's something else, but will leave the next move to him, as he didn't say anything like we should do this again etc when we said goodbye.

just go you! there's a film title in that...3 days, 3 dates

Ha! questions the funny thing is I have just turned 50 & I must be in a very good area for mature (& apparently nice) men. Quite a few like walking, gardening & antiques..not quite ready for that yet!
However Jarlin I do a lot of sport, including football although I tend to avoid football watching men as they know nothing

Just Enjoy it! It can be feast or famine so enjoy it before a lean period sets in!

Diagonally I totally agree about a pre-date phone call - I had a couple of dates I'd have not gone on if I'd spoken to them first. I have an actual policy now, no call no date. (Well, in theory. Perhaps I need to get back online before I start writing policy and quality assurance procedures into my non-existent dating life!) It does make the first meet less stressful though :)

Jarlin - ahhh, loo updates! I see...thought you lot just dated lots of men with IBS or something(!)

Questions Did you ask about why that's his longest relationship? Or was it not appropriate to start grilling him yet? What age is he?

Well I have a date for Saturday afternoon with Mr Engineer. Not so sure now. Any way, I will give him a second chance.

date 3. and he's blown it I think.

had a pleasant enough evening, car park, saying goodnight, he says iin a fumbly kind of way about 'next steps' and my son, and 'I could arrange to bump into you...'

erm. 3 dates? in 2 weeks and he wants to meet my 8yo?

he's pushing things too fast. ino phone calls either. the whole thing is based on a few texts and 3 meet ups.

I know i'm being daft, but please help me think of a way to gently extricate myself from this. he's been pleasant enough, but this isn't going to go any further. not now.

You are not being daft Hissy. You don't need to tell him anything other than it does not feel right for you, wish him luck. Etc

the daft comment was more about letting him down gently. as I said, he's nice enough and he's been blown out abruptly before, so i'm not entirely happy (when he just told me last night about it) to go straight ahead and do the same.

what I could do with is a gentle way of saying that I don't think our 'relationship' as it stands will go past where we are now, as i'm not comfortable with the way it's progressing.

Hissy was it just the comment about meeting your DC that put you off? if it's just that on its own maybe the best approach is to say that you found it strange/off-putting. It could be that he's not got much experience dating or think that because you've got a child he needs to show interest in him/her. Obviously if it's more than just than one comment it's a problem and you could maybe say something like 'I don't want to take things any further on the dating front but it's been nice hanging out, fancy going to the pictures (or whatever) as friends?'

Minmooch what did you like about Mr Engineer after your first date?

juju he actually told me he gets bored, not just with relationships but in life! he's 34 so quite young still, I don't usually go for such young 'uns (I'm 30) but sometimes I give them the benefit of the doubt .

hissy I agree with juju if it was about him wanting to meet your DS then bring that up and see what he says. But if you want to end it, like you said it's 3 dates, you don't owe him anything apart from an explanation that it's not right for you.

minmooch why aren't you sure?

Does anyone have a view about how young is too young to go on a date with someone? Most of the people who contact me are younger but this one is a lot younger! (21) I'm not looking for anything serious but still I'm concerned about what's correct etc.

I'm 34 by the way. On my profile I usually put 26-45. I do look a lot younger than I am but that doesn't change the year I was born does it?