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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 80

999 replies

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 15:38

As we were saying...

OP posts:
louby44 · 13/09/2014 12:27

Hi all

I've been lurking and catching up with everyone.

No dates for me, it's all gone a bit quiet. Gave my number to a guy who asked me out when he got back from working abroad this week, but not heard a dicky bird from him, seen him online and he's not spoken! can't be bothered. I think I'm on quite a few back burners.

I'm out tonight with friends so looking forward to that.

Still in daily contact with Mr Morrison, speak on the phone every other day or so, easy conversation and his voice is soooo sexy!

Justatoe · 13/09/2014 12:55

Had text from Mr Weird this morning apologising for wasting my time, not ready etc etc. Have wished him luck.
Meeting Mr V Nice for third date this afternoon. Going for a walk which is very grown up for me indeed.

Hissy · 13/09/2014 13:00

mega telephone conversation with lovely MrSmiley, am going to try and meet up for coffee tomorrow afternoon or during the week/next weekend.

I know that's kind of multi dating - which it don't do, well never have done, but that's ok isn't it?

Blossomflowers · 13/09/2014 13:48

Well sent a text to MRItalian yesterday and no reply, so looks like anoer bites the dust. He seemed so keen, I am getting so bored with this. Maybe I am I am over thinking things, I dunno

questions2008 · 13/09/2014 14:26

just a walk sounds lovely! Hope it makes up for mr time waster.

hissy I have mixed feelings about multidating, my nature is to not for example,dI'd happily not see anyone else if I got I the right vibes from mr dutch even if it's only been one date, and it turns out to be nothing more than that. But if the first couple of dates and I was still lukewarm about them, and they were being lukewarm back, I have no problem in multidating nor mind if they were too. It depends on your feelings IMO and those are different from date to date. So nothing wrong with it if you are comfortable with it.

Aww blossom shame but his loss. It's frustrating though when they seem so keen and then nothing.

well on impulse, I texted mr dutch asking him if he wanted to meet up this eve (as he's heading home tomorrow so I thought I'd take my chance!). No reply yet but I really want to kiss see him again Grin. I reckon if he doesn't reply at all then I will have cut my losses early, if he replies with a negative, then disappointing but hey I tried. And if he says yes...then yay!

Justatoe · 13/09/2014 15:17

questions sounds a great move to text Mr Dutch, fingers crossed he replies.

blossom hope you get a reply too

questions2008 · 13/09/2014 15:17

Aaaagh he replied, and it's a positive! GrinGrin

Jarlin · 13/09/2014 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newstartforme · 13/09/2014 17:06

Hi all me againSmile
Well I'm nearly three weeks into this old lark.. My one and only date so far was not too brill tbh. He just did not look that much like his photo Hmm
Also no spark ! But hey go that's got to be the way it goes a lot of the time - pls tell me it's normal ...
I'm chatting to two at the mo.. I'm just keeping it real :-) one is a def date next sun and he seems quite keen and nice but you just don't know till you meet do you ??

Gonna say jus for a drink this time that way if it goes tits up I can escape :-))
blossom that's rubbish that he's not got back to you esp if you felt a spark ..

louby44 · 13/09/2014 17:47

Jarlin his weight loss is ongoing!
We are meeting on the 8th November for a meal, he's coming over here and sleeping in the spare room! I know its an age away but I think he needs an end goal.
No he's not seeing anyone else. There are no expectations on either side. If we click on meeting for a second time, so be it, if not I've got a great male friend. He's the most emotionally intelligent man I've ever come across. He would be ideal boyfriend material. We shall see.

Springheeled · 13/09/2014 18:37

Sorry to jump into thread again but do any of you have experience of managing to get someone to completely leave you alone? How do you word it?

Hissy · 13/09/2014 19:12

Springy it goes like this:

'please don't contact me again. if you do, i'll have to involve the police'

then nothing except to call 101.

Springheeled · 13/09/2014 19:23

Do you block them? If you do, how do you know whether they are festering or something?

Hissy · 13/09/2014 19:37

what's happened Springheeled why are you wanting to tell someone to leave you alone? aren't they respecting your space/boundaries etc?

i'm a relationships board ghost, have graduated from DV thread, to stately homes, and to here... if you're going through something scary, remember you're not alone, some of us have been through stuff and came out the other side, so let us help? if you can/want to.

Springheeled · 13/09/2014 20:05

Thanks Hissy yes to the boundaries- nothing horrendous but I don't want to pursue anything AT ALL having dithered a bit at first as I wasn't sure if I was just being hyper vigilant following a bad relationship. However it very quickly irked that he wasn't really getting the need for space. I started a thread about dating after abuse. I think maybe another woman may have been flattered but I wasn't and going with my gut instinct I wanted to knock it right on the head.

Springheeled · 13/09/2014 20:06

He seems to have got the message but not enough and I think it's time to just BLOCK rather than get another text in a few days that will make me feel scared even if it is not a scary message if you see what I mean

newstartforme · 13/09/2014 20:24

Hi all
Hope he gets the messagespringy
So annoying when you just want to cut the contact yet they do not heed you. Not that I'm having that problem at present Grin

So like I said got a date lined up for next sun.. Going to just have a drink (cokes) mainly ! And can make a quick exit should I need too.. It's quite tough this OLD isn't it ?
Also I think with this one I'm going to send further pics and request some back as like I said last date looked nothing like his pic also I swear he expected me to be two stone lighter Shock

Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 13/09/2014 20:48

If you have an iPhone Springheeled you can block numbers on it

OP posts:
Hissy · 13/09/2014 21:09

springheeled if you're feeling scared, you're feeling scared. that means you're not ready.

that's not a failing, it just means you have to learn that your true strength really IS enough to see you through whatever is thrown in your path.

to get there you need to stand up for yourself, say it's not working and say that it's over.

know that you have this right, and if for you it's over, it really IS over, and he has to accept/respect that.

if he doesn't 101 are there to bring it home to him.

been there, done that.

I think the danger with being survivors of abuse, the 'norm' is actually dangerous. what's familiar to us is actually toxic.

we gradually learn this, and learn to police our newly formed boundaries.

it's ok to say no. there are systems and institutions to back us up if we need them.

so start by saying that it's not working and know that it's ok to say that.

Justatoe · 13/09/2014 21:21

Back from a very lovely walk & meal with Mr V Nice, who was..well..V Nice. This is all very new to me as have made incredibly poor choices in the past, but feels good Grin

minmooch · 13/09/2014 21:30

Spring hope he gets the message and you don't have to take it further.

Had my second date with Mr Engineer. Still not sure about him. He's nice. But I'm not sure if he's nice enough? Went for a nice walk, easy chat. He stopped every so often to kiss me. I don't know - it feels a bit weird. Nice kisser but I'm not sure I like him enough. Not sure we have enough in common.

To be honest I'm not sure if I can really be bothered with this dating stuff. I went for my walk with my sports trousers on, I looked nice but wasn't dressed for a date. I couldn't be bothered and I was comfortable. It didn't put him off.

Have exchanged a few emails with someone I will call Mr Actor. We seem to have lots in common. He suggested speaking in the phone tonight but I just can't be bothered so I suggested tomorrow instead (didn't tell him I couldn't be bothered).

I suppose you have to plough through them to find the one or two that you can be bothered with. It's just a bit tiring really.

minmooch · 13/09/2014 21:31

That sounds hopeful Justatoe

JuJuHeyHey · 13/09/2014 21:40

Good evening! hope everyone on a date is having LOTS of fun (I'm looking your way in particular questions ;-) )

minmooch how was Mr Engineer?

Jarlin any more messages from the witty random guy?

Hissy, sounds like you wanted to sack him off regardless of him putting his foot in it!

JuJuHeyHey · 13/09/2014 21:47

Oops, did refresh before I posted! It is really disheartening minmooch, I guess you need to have a break from it and recharge your batteries. That's what I'm doing at the moment, have been for most of the summer since I was seeing a guy for a couple of months and it didn't work out. The thought of jumping back in was exhausting, so I decided to not bother for a while. It feels right for now, and I can live vicariously through this thread for a bit :)

Sorry about Mr Italian blossom :(

just good luck! And you too, springheeled - perhaps you should text him that you're blocking him, so he knows?

newstartforme · 13/09/2014 21:49

minmooch so know what you mean about ploughing through all I them ! Just to find a spark in someone .. Not easy :-( .. It was never this hard before .. Well hmm maybe that's cos I was thirty instead of forty .
Tells this gets easier lol