Dating Thread 80

[UrsulaBuffay]

As we were saying...

Yes, I'm interested to know what other people do on here about that. I used to reply to every message on match.com but did a total cop-out 'thanks for your lovely message but I've just started chatting to someone I like on here' kind of thing if I didn't fancy the guy. Obviously I now see that this was pathetic - I got loads of replies saying how nice it was of me to let them know and that most people don't bother. THEN..I started getting replies from those same guys asking if I was now free again and reminding me of what I'd said to them some two months or so ago and was I now free to meet up??? Now I've joined pof and you get ten times the messages on there as it's obviously a lot busier. I have just stopped replying to the 'hi sexy/hun' types and also the ones I don't fancy because I've had men ignore my message and I think I prefer that to those that send a vague answer and I'm not sure whether they're interested or not. What do other people do? Do you reply to people you don't fancy or ignore? Sorry that was very long-winded....!

bant I will often contact men first as most who contact me I am just not interested in. I used to reply politely but like you now just delete, life is too short

hi all, I've been lurking for a few weeks, but I used to post back in the day when the thread was still in its teens! The only person I recognise, or have seen recently, from those times is Bant .

I dropped out when I did end up in a relationship with someone from OD. It ended about a year ago, but we had issues letting go of each other and only properly went NC 4 months ago. Let's say it wasn't a great relationship, but I can honestly say I feel much stronger for it now.

Compared to when I was OD back then (which was my first time after I left my exH), I feel much wiser and twat-radar is much better tuned! I'm now completely aware of just how amazing I am and expect any guy who is interested to be just as aware of how lucky he is! I don't feel as perhaps, desperate, as I felt then, to get somebody's attention, anybody's even.

So I have been on a few dates from GSM (but found that site to be incredibly quiet! is that just me? I live in London btw) and my subscription ended yesterday and I'm not renewing. Instead I've been on Tinder for about 3 weeks now, first time ever as its reputation always put me off. Not sure what to make of it yet, been on about 3 dates from there, and they seem as random as any other site I've been on before tbh!

I have a 1st date this evening with another Tinder guy, let's call him MrP, one who didn't ask me 3 lines in if I liked it hard , which to be fair hasn't happened as much as I thought it would! He sounds quite intelligent and funny.

Has anyone had any success with Tinder, or any funny stories? I had an honest to God mormon who tried to get me to find god on Tinder. I thought he was joking at first, so played along. But turned out he was for real!

I do a mixture blossom. I ignore the vast majority but where they have put what is clearly a lot of effort into the initial message then I will respond with a wordier 'thanks, but no thanks'. Without fail this has backfired.

Most have tried to keep the conversation going or try to persuade me that they are my type etc. Some have got abusive. I have had a fair few messages from Asian gentlemen accusing me of being racist when I haven't replied to the last 5/10 messages. At that point I usually respond saying please don't think I'm racist (definitely not, my eldest is mixed race) but for whatever reason I don't think we would be well matched. They then move into persuasion mode so you can't win . I've also had a couple who have set up new profiles to message me after I've blocked them . MrFootfetish from before has done this.

I've just realised I've started developing a thicker skin as none of this bothers me as much as it did when I first started OLD .

questions (waves back)

I'd have told the Mormon that you'd found god on tinder already, but you weren't a match.

Welcome back to the dating thread question.

I lasted 2 days on Tinder. I had around 350 matches in that time (I found it difficult because I am not looks orientated and have no 'type' but there's only really pictures to go on). Of those, around 50 messaged me. I spoke to around 30 of those. All but 1 wanted casual sex. Sometimes they waited until we'd been chatting a while before they dropped their intentions into the conversation. One guy told me he had to go out and have sex with a prostitute because he was so horny after talking to me and I refused to meet him . The one I went on a date with just reminded me of a horny teenager and he was very clearly lacking in relationship experience so I didn't meet him again.

So all in all, I didn't like it .

Bloody ell, Single - if I ever thought I might join Tinder, your experience has well and truly put pay to that!!

haha Bant, I actually took the piss a little, when I still thought he was joking, and I thought he and I were being very witty/funny! Not sure why he swiped right as one of the things I'd put in my blurb was that I don't do religion.

single the guy with the prostitute sounds ! Those are not promising stats you have there! I found it quite unsettling at first having pretty much nothing to go on apart from pictures. And I have had many matches that just then don't go on to actually say anything!

I think I will join Lovestruck when the next discount code comes round.

knitted my experience hasn't been as bad I must say. I've been out with 3 different guys, the first was very attractive, intelligent, funny, and fairly normal but he was definitely a playboy type so I left it. 2nd again seemed promising, turned out we had spent a few months in the same random country in our childhoods, and had plenty to talk about, 2 dates, but no spark. 3rd guy, intelligent and funny, but kept leaning into my shoulder to talk, very good kisser, after 2nd date he has gone silent. Nothing different there to my experiences from decent paid sites. Obviously I weed out all the txt spk ones and the ones who need to know how I like to have sex before they've asked me anything else .

I think the problem with Tinder is that most people who use it, don't take it seriously. I've read a few funny blogs about Tinder now which seem to suggest the same. I think it's probably better in big cities like London.

The other big problem I found was it doesn't state people's height. I'm tall so ideally looking for someone taller than me but felt awkward asking about height in the first message.

I'm still in occasional contact with someone else I met on there but he only ever messages me when he's hungover (and I suspect didn't pull the night before) but I find him amusing. I may meet up with him at some point.

Yes, these strange men who think that is all part of a normal introductory conversation hey, questions. I wonder how they function in work with colleagues and everyday life!! I'm struggling to keep up with match and pof at the moment (trying not to spend entire evenings on there at present) so won't be joining Tinder at the moment anyhow.

I've got a coffee date at the weekend with a man who sounds lovely, witty and hasn't even asked what my favourite position is yet!! Just not sure I fancy him from photos and he keeps 'joking' about me meeting his friends if we get to a third date...I haven't responded to these jokes. Ho hum, only guy I've been attracted to in the past 8 months of OLD has been a total player. This OLD malarky is harder than it seems at first.

yes single I get that impression too, hence plenty of matches but then no conversation, I sense they are just using it for fun/ego-boost. It's a tricky one with height, I'm short so it's not an issue for me, but I can imagine not having that info if it was vital being quite frustrating.

knitted imagine that, what else could you have talked about if not favourite positions?! I totally agree about OLD being a fair amount of hard work, which is why it took me a while to want to get back on it. I'm taking it much less seriously than I used to though, ie if someone interesting appears then great, if not, so what!

Had an awesome phone call from a super smiley guy last night! he's asked if I can meet him on sunday day time, but tbh, that's going to take some arranging. In principle though, it's a good idea. We're having another phone date on Friday night though. He hates text only relationships hates text speak and doesn't do fakery. apparently

Date3 tonight - this is a guy that texts quite a bit, not overly so, but has never called. he did acknowledge this. I struggle with text only, there is no intimacy no ongoing development of anything between dates. I'm not sure that there will be a 4th date at this rate.

it's kind of make or break i think.

On an aside...

When POFers ask you how long you have been on the site, and you tell him, isn't it funny how that's pretty much how long they have been registered too.

Single WRT your 'putting a lot of thought into your profile'.. in the past i have done this, when I was more overly concerned about what other people thought, and tbh I think it attracted more weirdos than normals.

Review what you said, slash it down and don't 'try too hard'

This last time around, I did my profiles in 5 mins, uploaded a photo and hit SAVE before I changed my mind. I have had FAR greater interest than previously, and fewer idiots too.

This weekend just gone I went through the Meet Me and looked at those who were interested and matched the interest if they didn't look too much like shrek and didn't live in a gym.

I see profiles that wax lyrical and think...Hmm, trying too hard, desperate, need, agenda single for a reason

maybe take your profile down and do a new one, but give yourself 10 mins MAX to write a couple of paragraphs.

:)

I agree with you questions, OLD is hard work. I just joined OKCupid with a hope that there are some men who are serious about dating and not just chatting forever.

I only managed to put my pictures on OK without a write up and I can confirm that men are mainly motivated by pictures. Had 30 messages and mostly dirty ones about what they would do to me.

Now I have a write up that makes me a thinking woman and not just a body, I am sure I wont get much interest.

I think a lot of men are using OLD for a ego boost, I have seen a guy I had a date with on four different sites and each profiles are different, I know for a fact he is not over his ex and in his own words "not stable". Then WTF state you want a relationship and waste others time.

Going out with a friend at the weekend and will be keeping my eye out for a eligible man that's if I can see straight after my sixth glass of wine and my face is still on straight :)

Hi All,
I posted for a while on a previous thread. I've lurked since I stopped posting and have kept up to date with all your stories.
Bit of background, was dating someone for about 6'months, I'd started to fall for him and then someone from his past came into his life. Cut a long story short he wanted to make a go of it with her and I was dumped, I was heart broken, first relationship since my marriage broke up 3 years previous.
Anyway decided to give OLD another go. Met a guy, went on our 5th date at weekend (Friday ) He seemed really keen, got on really well and I think probably more of an attraction on his side. I wasn't too bothered TBH but I think part of that was that I didn't want to be hurt again so wouldn't let my Barriers down. Anyway last date I started to really like him we kinda spoke about me going to his for dinner this weekend (. And I was thinking that we may well DTD :) )
We usually text everyday or every couple of days. He is usually the one that texts first, but no word from him since Sunday when he commented about making me dinner.
My friend has just started OLD and I saw her on Saturday afternoon and we were looking at her profile, views etc and he had looked at her profile. I was a bit miffed I know I shouldn't be as we haven't spoke about being exclusive....early days .
I decided to text him this morning, partly as I want to know if we are on for the weekend so I can plan child care etc and I also thought maybe he's fed up always making the first move. I just sent a hi how are you kinda text, still no answer but I logged on to Match as I had an email from someone and he's logged on.
I'm fed up, not even an answer to my text to say look I'm not interested or anything or even a message via Match, you'd think after 5 good dates, numerous texts and telephone conversations, he'd at least do that.
Sorry just had to sound off. I don't think I'm strong enough for dating. :(. X

God I'm pathetic he's just texted to say sorry for not being in touch, his dad is ill( he's been in hospital for weeks) and has taken a bad turn so been at hospital with his mum.
He still wants to meet up at weekend
I need to stop taking everything so seriously. I can't multi date, I know I should. I know he has every right to date others and chat to others.
I'm just old fashioned I think and been out the dating game for too long ( apart from my short relationship.. he was my first date from OLD ) I'm so inexperienced with all this I wish I could just enjoy it and see how it goes. X

Steelchic, I am a year out of a 13 yrs marriage and the Las time I was single I was just 18. Your not pathetic, I always jump the gun and OLD is hard. I sometimes feel horrible about myself, rejected and think.of giving up. If only everything could be laid out on the table, he likes me I like him, lets just concentrate on dating each other. I was stood up last weekend half hour before date, his loss. Wish I could have some wise advice but I am a beginner to

Steelchic - glad he got in touch and your date is still on. I'm guilty of taking it all too seriously too. Tis very tricky, hope weekend goes well.

Gotta I found that OK CUPID was largely pervs. I did meet a couple of apparently genuine ones, but I kept wondering if they were pervs too, just hiding it better.

Gotta
Aw that's awful being stood up, yes you're right his loss, I think we need to develop a thick skin . I remember reading the Dating Rules a few threads back, wise words that we should take heed of.
knitted
Yeah date back on, so we'll see what that brings.

I think I've got trust issues, although you would never know, I put on an happy easy going front, but underneath I'm insecure. Probably because of EH cheating on me setting up home with his Pregnant GF ( I didn't know she was preg or that they had moved in together he maintained he was living alone but wouldn't give me the add of his rented house, rented using the money from our joint saving )while all the while telling me he wanted us to get back together , even going to counselling . Also the guy I was dating before said he was wanting to make a go of it with a friend from his past who had recently come back into his life, I'm starting to think that this was bollocks and he'd been seeing me and someone else all along, I may be wrong but I may be right
I thought at my age (51) things would be more straightforward, but if think there are lots of men out there who have come out of LTR and now want to play the field
This thread has helped me through so much, thank you all xxx

Steelchic, your EH sounds like a right scumbag. On a positive note, 5th date sounds very promising and if I ever get to a 5th date I will be happy if not a little anxious. The dating rules are worth remembering.

gotta
Well fingers crossed for 5th date, Sounds daft, but EH not a total scumbag, just a very week and cowardly man, he worked away a lot and OW lived in one of the places he often stayed. I think he wanted a bit of fun at first, probably told her a pack of lies about us. He then got into a situation he couldn't get out off without hurting me or her. I know he would have come back if she hadn't got pregnant, and I wouldn't have known half of what went on. But now I can look back and say I've had a lucky escape, I would have been off my head with worry every time he went away on business. Now it's her turn to worry about what he's up to when away, she will know all the lies he told me. X

Steelchic, I hope you find a man you deserve. My EX and i just fell out of love and once the rows got bad I called it a day, was very hard for 6 months but I am happier now. I think we judge ourselves more when we come out if a long relationship and cant find someone. X

I decided to bring up the issue with Mrstern of me not wanting children and him wanting them before meeting this weekend. We are chatting about it at the moment but think it's swinging towards us not meeting etc. such a shame as he is really lovely but also probably a good thing. If I like him this much without meeting him it would only get worse and there is no potential for anything long term which is what I would like with someone. Such is life.