aibu to think this is disgusting?

[knowledgeispower]

I recently started online dating and have met up with 2 guys. The first date went okay, there was no spark.

The second guy I met up with was a real sweetheart and we took to each other straight away. We arranged a second date and he stayed at mine. We dtd and it was wonderful. It was so good to feel wanted and desired again. He was really gentle, considerate and was a gent throughout. We had a condom split on the last time (4 tines in all) and I said of get the morning after pill and get the implant refitted. He admitted he's a worrier and I said well if it turned out I was to get pregnant I would always keep it as I couldn't abort for personal reasons. We carried on talking and he said something along the lines of: 'well I'd have to kick you in the cunt'....

I was totally shocked and told him so, he immediately backed down as he could see how disgusted I was. He said: 'do you really think I could do that to you'!

Apart from this comment he has been wonderful, he wants to see me again but I'm unsure!

Wwyd?

[Zucker]

Sounds like he's got some not so hidden rage at women in general. Run now OP and never look back. You've had 1 slip up with him, let there be no more.

[rainbowinmyroom]

He sounds rough as a badger's arse. You have had a narrow escape. Onwards and upwards.

[knowledgeispower]

Feeling a lot better today! Thank you for all the words of encouragement and talking some sense into me.

[manaboutthemaison]

Does he always offer post coital violence or was he just a one off dickhead ?

[knowledgeispower]

He is actually a really caring an considerate lover that is why he has shocked me with what he has said... it screams a hatred for women! What a jerk :-(

Looking back there were other signs like je said he wanted to treat me like a 'princess' ...then in the next breath he's going to kick me in the cunt! What a charmer.

[manaboutthemaison]

Maybe treating you like a princess involved driving you into a wall in a Paris underpass ?

[Zazzles007]

OP you have dodged a bullet here. Well done! He showed you his true colours, and instead of ignoring them and continuing blithely along with the relationship, you had the sense to take note and get others' opinions. Keep on fine tuning your twat radar , you'll get there in the end.

[Isetan]

Having regular contact with your children or paying child support is the minimum requirement of. a NRP, why do some men think they deserve a fucking medal and why are we so impressed.

On what planet could vocalising committing an act of violence to induce a miscarriage be construed as 'funny' or 'off the cuff'. When what they say contradicts the picture they have painted of themselves, listen.

Don't let this arsehole put you off completely, just don't let eagerness over power your gut instincts.

[Frogisatwat]

Oh no' princess' bloody huge red flag without any of the other stuff!

[JapaneseMargaret]

Cut him loose. Please.

By getting in touch with him and sleeping with him, you've effectively told him that his kicking you in the cunt is acceptable to you. Which is why he's now called you a 'dirty bitch', because that's what he thinks of you.

Please don't green-light further vile behaviour. His respect for you is dropping with each encounter. This has nowhere to go, but into the gutter.

[saltnpepa]

So you slept with him and saw him again. Now you are in a relationship with him. He has become more abusive. This is domestic violence. You are now in what you wanted to get out of. I expect you will see him again and perhaps move in with him, children? Marriage? He knows he can abuse you because you have let him.

[saltnpepa]

Oh and I am sorry but I am compelled to come back to say if you have children please keep him away from them. Although you seem to have difficulty protecting yourself at the moment it would be a tragedy if you failed to protect your children.

[Theoldhag]

If any one said that they would kick me in my cunt, I would reply that if he did that I would rip his bollox off with a pair of pliers then tell him to fuck off as I would have no wish to be anywhere near him ever again. Revolting man.

Comments like that are not a joke no matter what a persons humour is like, this kind of 'joke' shows a persons deep ingrained misogynistic beliefs.

Really he should have a government health warning stamped across his forehead.

[CeliaFate]

Why did you sleep with him again? You are being drawn into a relationship with him, he has no respect for you. You won't change him, he will get worse.

[JapaneseMargaret]

Gosh, Mumsnet is such an incredible insight into the minds of other people, at times. And not in a good way. :(

I can't appreciate why someone would not only go back, but sleep with someone who said that. He's wiping his shitty boots on you.

You may not believe it, but it IS true, nonetheless. You both deserve, and can do, better.

[LatteLoverLovesLattes]

It gives me the creeps that a man with an ex who had a miscarriage & has two small daughters could say that he would 'kick you in the cunt' if you wouldn't have the abortion he wanted you to have. Would he want a man to speak to his daughters like that? It's creepy that his awareness is so shot. I wouldn't actually allow him around my daughters.

[LuluJakey1]

You seem to be upset that he 'left really early and I haven't heard from him all day'.

TBH you are already involved on an emotional level with this man. He has told you he would 'kick you in the cunt' and you still slept with him- and presumably flirted, chatted, invited him back to yours. Now he has called you a 'dirty bitch' and you seem disappointed he left early and has not been in touch all day.

I have lost any sympathy for you. Have some self- respect!!!!

[Frogisatwat]

This thread is

[eddielizzard]

please don't see him again. he's an arsehole. you're only a few dates in and he's calling you names and saying weird threats. these are really not good signs. i know you like him, but save yourself heartache down the line.

[Granville72]

So not only did you find what he said the first time disgusting, but you went back for seconds?

Please don't lower your self esteem even more with this idiot. He's got serious issues with respect towards women.

So what happens when the verbal abuse gets more regular, or it turns in to a slap during sex or something? Are you going to invite him back again and go back for more just because you think he's a caring and considerate lover?

I don't see anything caring or considerate here.

[SweetErmengarde]

Glad you're feeling stronger, OP.

Wow. He's not even trying to keep up the "nice guy" facade anymore, is he? I agree that he has serious issues around misogyny and sexual violence.

That ex I mentioned earlier? He called me that (and plenty more like it) too. I swear there's a playbook somewhere that they follow.

Please delete, defriend, block, change numbers, whatever it takes to cut this broken, unworthy man out of your life.

[knowledgeispower]

Again, thanks for the kind words and advice. It's what I'm thinking but need to see it written down.

I have never and would never introduce a man to my daughter outside a minimum of six months. I know I'm a walkover and vulnerable and may seem stupid to some but she is my world. The thought of anyone doing this to her in the future is making me incredibly angry and helping me see how low my self esteem is.

[saltnpepa]

I have never and would never introduce a man to my daughter outside a minimum of six months and this alone means that you are planning to introduce him to your daughter. Six months? You think that is long enough time to introduce some bloke you met off the internet to your child as a partner? I'm sorry but I'm finding it difficult now to not feel cross. I think you have a self destructive need to see this through.

[Theoldhag]

Op it really sounds as though you would benefit from counselling to help you strengthen your self worth. Your gp should be able to help you here.

Please see this man for who he is, he has already told you.