aibu to think this is disgusting?

[knowledgeispower]

I recently started online dating and have met up with 2 guys. The first date went okay, there was no spark.

The second guy I met up with was a real sweetheart and we took to each other straight away. We arranged a second date and he stayed at mine. We dtd and it was wonderful. It was so good to feel wanted and desired again. He was really gentle, considerate and was a gent throughout. We had a condom split on the last time (4 tines in all) and I said of get the morning after pill and get the implant refitted. He admitted he's a worrier and I said well if it turned out I was to get pregnant I would always keep it as I couldn't abort for personal reasons. We carried on talking and he said something along the lines of: 'well I'd have to kick you in the cunt'....

I was totally shocked and told him so, he immediately backed down as he could see how disgusted I was. He said: 'do you really think I could do that to you'!

Apart from this comment he has been wonderful, he wants to see me again but I'm unsure!

Wwyd?

[Dontgotosleep]

Sorry O.P none of my business but you slept with him again come on, after he more or less well no he did threaten to kill a child you may be having by theatening to kick you in the.. I wont even use the word. You posted for advice and not one person said "Oh give him a another chance", yet you still go back for more and get called a dirty bitch.
There's nothing wrong with casual sex. It's there to be enjoyed. Before I met D.P I just had ONS infact my D.P was supposed to be a ONS. I can understand you're probably lonely and wanting sex you're human, but surely weren't that hard up for a shag. Like I said plenty of other men out there, but what's done is done is done now. You can't unshag him can you, and who am I to try to talk about sexual morales you may think,
Concentrate on yourself and D.D.

[Dontgotosleep]

Huge red flag here, but thank goodness that he has showed his true colors at the beginning.
What he said was beyond disgusting. If my D.P ever said anything like to me that would be it. No second chances. There are plenty of other men to dtd with.
You referred to him as "wonderful". I'd hate to see your version of a brute.

[saltnpepa]

Spoken to the police about a couple of sentences? And then went back? I'm confused. I think dumping is a good idea, it draws a line under it for all concerned. I think a txtd saying something along the lines of "When you said you'd kick me in the c I was appalled but in a moment of madness I saw you again. Then you said I am a dirty bitch. This is verbal abuse and demonstrates a hatred of women. Of course I deserve better than this and on these grounds I don't wish to see you again. My decision is final.

End of.

Next!

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

This idiot obviously doesn't know that he's done anything to offend her. He joked about kicking her in the cunt and she went back for another night together. It sounds like things were left with him thinking everything was ok. So if he turns up wondering what has happened to her she's going to say 'Leave me alone, I've spoken to the police about you'?!

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

Well, I'm thinking he knows where she lives so why just stop contact and risk having him turn up wondering if she's lost her phone or has had an accident? I'm not saying she owes him courtesy, but I don't think this 'block him immediately' advice is always good. At least if she dumps him by text she's got a paper trail in case, god forbid, he turns up at her house.

[JapaneseMargaret]

God, I sound like Lady Catherine de Bourgh, but come on.

It's actually OK to dispense with social niceties, when someone has threatened to ... 'kick you in the cunt'.

[JapaneseMargaret]

still don't understand why people advocate just blocking someone. What happened to, you know, just telling somebody it's not working for you? You've slept with him twice, then you're going to just ignore all communication with him. You say you've phoned the police. It all sounds a bit over the top to me.

If it was a normal man, in a normal social exchange, I'd probably agree with you.

But the OP owes this man absolutely no courtesy, whatsoever.

Why should she engage with him again? What on earth is to be gained, from her perspective?

It is absolutely, 100% OK to refuse to have anything at all to do with him, ever again. Categorically OK. Women are socialised too much to think of other people's feelings. This man deserves no such courtesy.

[LuluJakey1]

Now you've phoned the police for advice but 3 nights ago you were asking him back to yours to have sex despite him already having made the 'I'll kick you in the cunt' comment.

You had a choice on Sunday night- several in fact. He knew where you were going. You could have stayed at home or gone somewhere else so there was no chance of you seeing him.

Or, you could have not spoken to. him, flirted, encouraged him, asked him back to your place or had sex with him.

Get a grip woman. Stop making dramas. Just tell him you do not want to see him or speak to him again. Stop whining about it. End of.

[lucycoco]

If someone said that to me I'd probably assume it was an incredibly ill-advised Derek and Clive reference. And I'd probably be quite taken aback! Even though I've always found the Derek and Clive thing very funny, it sounds like the least appropriate thing to possibly say in that context!

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

I still don't understand why people advocate just blocking someone. What happened to, you know, just telling somebody it's not working for you? You've slept with him twice, then you're going to just ignore all communication with him. You say you've phoned the police. It all sounds a bit over the top to me.

[crazylady321]

discusting that anyone would ever say anything like that. Its not like you are in a relationship with him or anything just dont contact him again if he contacts you just be honest, i would of let him know how uncomfortable you was with that sort of talk. Chances are he wouldnt act it out but just the thought that thats his sence of humour is discusting.

I had a similar incident when I first slept with my OH and the condom split, he just drove me for morning after pill id of taken myself for it if he had said anything like that

[saltnpepa]

Oh dear, yes it is easy to redirect anger at some unknown person on a forum on which you have sought advice.

You asked was it disgusting and yes it was, I suggested it is disgusting enough to be of concern around children, I further suggested waiting a long time before you might introduce to your children. In this context I think it makes for excellent advice. In a general context as you said your self esteem is poor and you are vulnerable, I would say a long wait before introducing potential parters to children would again be a sensible choice. While you are having difficulty protecting yourself you might need more time with potential partners to really suss them out and introduce to many other people in your life for some time before your children.

But by all means attack me if it makes you feel better. Except I have merely taken an interest in your problem and tried to offer sensible advice.

[knowledgeispower]

Someone mentioned not allowing him access to my daughter. I was clearly stating that would have never happened so soon. All this is irrelevant as I am having no further contact of any kind with him. I have nothing to say to him.

If he does show up at my house then I won't open the door, if it gets to much and he won't leave I have rung 101 for advice and they have my details and I have his.

Onlylovers I was thinking the same myself!

[Granville72]

ONS are something that usually happens between people NOT in a relationship, regardless how many ONS you have with them (then it's sort of fuck buddies)

What makes it so different in your eyes OP? You're not in a relationship with him, have no 'intention' of contacting him or seeing him, yet you willingly had sex with him a second time.

You don't wish a relationship with him and have blocked him, so I would class those two encounters as ONS.

[OnlyLovers]

salt, she didn't ask for opinions on when to introduce men to her daughter.

[thatsn0tmyname]

Horrible vile man. Run for the hills

[saltnpepa]

I would imagine that if you weren't planning on introducing him to your daughter you would have said that rather than along the lines of 6 months. We are all entitled to our opinion and in my opinion meeting a man off the internet is less secure than someone who is traceable in real life and I think 6 months is ridiculously early to introduce to children in either case, that is my opinion, I believe op asked aibu which looks for opinions.

In any case op if I were you I would heed the wisdom of your own name and leave this unpleasant encounter in the past.

[LatteLoverLovesLattes]

ONS v Fucking on the second date. Why are they so different - in your opinion.

(PS: No judgement on either - I'm happy to admit I have done both)

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

Did you just block him without saying anything to him? People don't know when they've been blocked, do they? Why didn't you just speak to him? What if he turns up at your house?

[knowledgeispower]

I couldn't possibly 'bump' into him again as he knew where I'd be that night as I'd already told him before the kick in the cunt comment.

As I said I've blocked him. Nothing more I can do. Except maybe build up my self esteem. I have never and would never do a one night stand! A one night stand is where you go out, meet someone, have sex and then never sleep with them again. Hence why its called one night stand.

[Granville72]

What happens next time you bump in to him on a night out - like last time? Going to invite him back for some more abuse?

Maybe find some new places for your time out so you don't bump into him and get tempted again.

I'd suggest some time away from dating and one night stands. Build on your strengths and your self esteem

xx

[OnlyLovers]

salt, lay off. Six months is perfectly reasonable and it doesn't really matter how you meet people; 'off the internet' is just one of the options these days.

OP, good for you blocking him. You are way way too good for anyone who thinks it's OK to treat you the way he did.

[knowledgeispower]

I still can't understand how saltnpepa has come to the conclusion that this statement alone means I'm going to introduce him to my daughter

[knowledgeispower]

Thank you oldhag, I have been to my gp about this and am waiting for an appointment.

[Theoldhag]

Well done , you will find someone who treats women with respect, you deserve it.