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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me NOT send this text!

183 replies

HelpMeSitOnMyHands · 19/08/2014 16:36

Cherchez l'homme. Of course, it's about a man.

I met him April, we got to know each other slowly. I realised I liked him, and that he was a patient, good humoured, clever, creative person, who cared about thinngs. We tentatively discovered we both liked each other. We have been on two dates, that's all, but they were a full week apart because I was away in between. He was supposed to be coming over to my house later, and I sent a text to suggest a time. I realise I haven't heard from him since early monday morning. Just after midnight Sunday I mean. Now I'm sitting on my hands. I'm quite mumsnet savvy. I recognise the red flags. I recognise a player and a narc. I thought this guy was lovely. He seemed to like me back. We were actually chatting (and I know you can't count on beer-talk) about the near future iyswim.

Help me not to send a sarky "?" by text now. My house is clean on the plus side. I'm going to go and get a bottle of wine, for mySELF. Whether he comes or not.

OP posts:
TeaAndALemonTart · 19/08/2014 21:28

Yay, I hope you have a good time.

monkeyfacegrace · 19/08/2014 21:32

Oh sod that. Shag away Grin

LoveBeingInTheSun · 19/08/2014 21:37

Dh hasn't been getting my messages we are both on iPhones. It does happen. Hope you aren't having too much fun Wink

FryOneFatManic · 19/08/2014 21:52

I thought the phone companies only promised to deliver a text within 72 hours.

We do get spoiled by pretty much instant delivery. But I've had more than one occasion when DP or I had sent the other a text and it hadn't arrived in the time we needed it to. In fact one text turned up in the middle of a rare disagreement caused by the non-appearance of said text, we all heard the bleep.

So it does happen.

daisychain01 · 19/08/2014 21:55

Definitely dont sleep with him!

Sorry, Id still be a liitle cynical, I think he bullshitted and not reliable enough. Why didnt he firm up those arrangements, so that he was on your doorstep, at 7.59 pm with his tongue hanging out (for a glass of wine of course Grin )

If anything, Id want him to prove himself ... Make him sweat. Play a bit hard to get.

Btw, it was lovely that he did get in touch, and hope he treats you well, you sound like a switched on person x

FloozeyLoozey · 19/08/2014 22:02

Hm give him the benefit of the doubt this time but be alert for future flaky/unreliable behaviour. Don't accept any excuses a second time.

hesterton · 19/08/2014 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MagnificentMaleficent · 19/08/2014 22:17

But if he didn't get her texts, and they had already arranged dinner, why didn't he contact her?

Sorry to talk about you in the 3rd person OP.

Cobo · 19/08/2014 22:50

For the same reason she didn't contact him today!

ladygracie · 19/08/2014 23:12

I take back the very rude name I called him earlier. Hope you have a fab night.
I've had quite a few texts not go through recently - very annoying!

BringMeSunshine2014 · 19/08/2014 23:29

I have a lot of trouble with texts not going through (I'm with virgin) and my friends with O2 do as well. I'd believe him. Also, if the 'host' hasn't contacted you to tell you what time they'd like you to come then you might not want to ring them - male or female. Just because he's a bloke doesn't mean he should have been the one to ring. 50/50 stupidity nerves! Hopefully they've both learnt from it also a few posters.

GarlicAugustus · 20/08/2014 00:03

Definitely don't sleep with him! Confused Confused

Well, OP, I hope you did if you wanted to, and didn't if you didn't :)

Original poster
HelpMeSitOnMyHands · 20/08/2014 01:43

He's just left. There were two texts of mine he never got. No idea why but i believe him. He was saying he had a lousy sunday. He poured his heart out in a tezt and he didnt get the text i sent in reply to it. He showed me his phone and there were two texts missing. It was no wonder he thought id gone off him. Luckily he pucked up the phone while i went on mumsnet!

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpMeSitOnMyHands · 20/08/2014 01:44

I didnt sleep with him no. My teen is here. She is asleep now but no, no way!

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/08/2014 02:17

Well, not sure I believe him, but I'd suspend disbelief at this stage and see what happens... Just be a bit careful of how invested you get

daisychain01 · 20/08/2014 07:04

Definitely don't sleep with him!.

Shame I need to explain that my comment was irony, garlic !

Unfortunately it's difficult to convey

Pinkfrocks · 20/08/2014 07:22

I think texts are a hopeless way to communicate with such delicate matters as early dates with someone. you can never be sure they've arrived.

I think it's a generatlonal thing- we used to phone a landline and be done with it, which is much simpler. worst case you'd get the answerphone or no answer at all.

Flossiex2 · 20/08/2014 07:25

Hmmm don't trust him from what you've said but you are in the situation and you believe him which is the main thing. No more chances though I would say.

Original poster
HelpMeSitOnMyHands · 20/08/2014 07:25

I checked the status of the messages on my phone (i didn't know I could do that on that phone) and for those two messages, it says 'sent' not delivered. All my other messages do say delivered. Confused I don't understand it but I do believe him because he is lovely and very honest. I'm a good judge of character, honestly! if he'd had teflon stripes I'd never have invested five minutes in him. I knew he was a good guy. Obviously that's no guarantee of anything.

Ok, thanks everybody. I was so anxious last night.

OP posts:
Pinkfrocks · 20/08/2014 07:29

On that basis then why don't you agree with him to only phone and not text?
IMO texts allow people to be passive aggressive- they are a way of avoiding real contact - because it's easy to ignore them, say they haven't arrived, etc.

I know phone calls can be ignored and answered by voicemail, but generally texts seem far more unreliable.

I'm actually relieved that texting didn't exist in the old days when I was dating.

differentnameforthis · 20/08/2014 08:07

WRT the texts, my dh has an iphone & his friends (who also have iphones) often don't get the imessages that the phones sends (like text messages, but called imessages if between to iphones)

Also, he has text me & I haven't got it before now (samsung), yet on his phone it looks like it has gone through.

I hate all this on MN, no one prepared to give the benefit of the doubt etc. when it actually turns out that he didn't get a text from op.

differentnameforthis · 20/08/2014 08:09

two, not to

QuintessentiallyQS · 20/08/2014 09:22

Do you have an iphone? I discovered that my son sent me many messages from his iphone to me, and I did not get them. Then we disabled the Imessage option (which I think is using the internet/wifi rather than the telephone network) and the problem was solved. I did not know that my phone tried to send the texts as Imessages, and if he was not in range of the chosen wifi, I did not receive his messages. Confused

QuintessentiallyQS · 20/08/2014 09:23

Sorry, both the phones were trying to use Imessages, not just his.

petitdonkey · 20/08/2014 11:24

I totally believe him. I was at home with DH on Saturday and his phone pinged with a text from me that, I kid you not, I had sent 8 days earlier!!! That isn't the first time it has happened. He often gets voicemails way after I leave them too.

iMessage is dodgy as shit!!

So happy for you OP - keep trusting your instincts x