Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Seamen in his boxer shorts?

188 replies

Mumtobenovember · 14/08/2014 22:12

I'm heavily pregnant and me and dp have been arguing and we haven't really been intimate he's being a dick basically- I just went into the bathroom and his boxers are on the floor he just took them off and had a shower after being at the gym and they have a white stain in about the size of a 50p is this normal? Do men get discharge?!! I don't want to kick off over a bit of knob discharge

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/08/2014 08:35

Tbh if my husband was checking my duds I think I would hit something as well.

OP it sounds as if your relationship isn't working right now and all this is no good for either you or your baby. Maybe it's time to take a break and split up because tbh it all sounds knackering.

4littleones · 15/08/2014 09:09

How are you today OP? I hope you have calmed down and starting to see straight. I think you need a hug and a cuppa. Cake

Mugg1ns · 15/08/2014 09:16

Everyone is assuming the semen was his Hmm

mrsruffallo · 15/08/2014 09:45

Hp Op, it's completely normal to feel insecure during your first pregnancy. The trick is to find a place in your head where you can retreat or even laugh at these destructive thoughts. Easier said than done, I know. Try not to act on these suspicions for an hour, at a time and try to have a peaceful time together. Go out for a meal or just a walk and talk about other things. As I said before, try to relax before the baby comes.

normalishdude · 15/08/2014 12:38

Wank at the gym I reckon and/or dodgy prostate. Nowt to worry about.

juneau · 15/08/2014 12:42

He punched a wall? I reckon the sailors in his boxers are the least of your worries.

normalishdude · 15/08/2014 12:47

at least he hasn't thrown a cup of tea.

eyebags63 · 15/08/2014 13:06

OP you sound a little paranoid here, you are constructing an affair scenario on the basis of dirty underwear, really?!

I think most people would be quite offended if their partner was checking up on their dirty underwear while they were in the shower and then accusing them of 'hiding' it afterwards. Quite frankly this sounds very weird.

hamptoncourt · 15/08/2014 13:12

OP do you have any other evidence to support your gut feeling? I mean stuff like keeping his mobile under lock and key, being secretive, taking more care with his appearance? Mentionitis of someone at work?

Anything like that?

Has he cheated before?

I think his reaction is over the top actually, punching a wall like that.

Mumtobenovember · 15/08/2014 13:57

I was not checking his underwear!!!! they where sunny side up on the bathroom floor!!! And he did hide them he admitted it. he never leaves his phone lying around anymore I was suspicious before the pants situation- the sailor jokes are getting shit now give it a rest

OP posts:
Vivacia · 15/08/2014 14:00

He didn't hide them. You said, he said, he'd tidied them up.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 15/08/2014 14:03

So if they were sunny side up he's hardly hiding them is he... You know if this is your usual mode of communication then he may as well go and do the deed because I have a feeling you want him to be guilty

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 15/08/2014 14:07

Hang on a minute, you keep saying sunny side up, wasn't egg White was it?

hellsbellsmelons · 15/08/2014 14:16

Well, us women have great gut instincts.
You have other reasons to suspect something is going on and I don't blame you.
I don't think for one moment you are being paranoid.
Everything he said when you challenged him is just typical 'cheaters' response.
Call you crazy etc..!

What do you want to do now?
Do you want to leave?
Do you own the house or rent?
Who's name is on it?

Can you go to family or a friend for a few days for some head space?

Thanks for you. This must be horrible.

LuluJakey1 · 15/08/2014 15:01

I can see how upset you are about your partner but you seem to be really insecure about the relationship. Pregnancy is stressful - I think you should consider talking to your midwife about how anxious you are feeling and the impact it is having.

Your partner sounds as if he is finding your behaviour really stressful.

I don't know whether he is having an affair but I do think your behaviour is making the situation more stressful for both of you and putting barriers between you.

I have just picked my DH up from work. He was chatting to a pretty young female member of staff in the car park when I arrived and he finished the conversation before he got in the car. I could feel myself getting twitched about it because I am so easily rattled by things at the moment. I had to stop myself making a remark. He then said as he put the seatbelt on. 'That's xxxxx, the one I was telling you about yyyyy going out with. They've been to Majorca together on holiday while we've been off so it's still going on. She was just saying he's in hospital - had to have his appendix out'.

If I had made a remark like 'I don't appreciate being kept waiting while you impress pretty young teachers' I would have caused a problem over nothing. I feel fat, I'm full of wind, my clothes have stopped fitting, I have two big spots, am scared about giving birth, irrational at times and could pick fights with him every day. But he is delighted about the baby, he loves me, he is here, he's helpful and it isn't fair to take it out on him. He's scared too. He doesn't understand pregnancy and if I don't tell him he hasn't got a clue what I am feeling.

Your DP is the same and you are pushing him away with this behaviour.

Fairenuff · 15/08/2014 15:12

he said he can't be with me like this I am making him really unhappy with my misery and ruining new fatherhood for him

He may have a point here. From what you have posted there is no indication that he is having an affair. He says he had a wank, why do you find that so hard to believe?

Punching the wall is more of a concern, he needs to learn to control his anger.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2014 16:20

Well, us women have great gut instincts

Really? That's quite something to say about just over half of the human race.

TomatoSorbetWoman · 15/08/2014 16:34

Plus it's bollocks

CoteDAzur · 15/08/2014 16:37

That must be why so many of us end up with abusers.

motleymop · 15/08/2014 21:01

I wish I knew more of the background story - I have not seen mumtobe 's other thread. Are you OK, OP, is there an update? It is hard for MNetters to make a valuable contribution without data and a lot of what has been said about pregnancy paranoia and re him hitting a wall etc is mere speculation. Hope you're alright.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 15/08/2014 22:11

OP is probably off looking for stained pants, I mean evidence, round the house

On a serious note it never hurts to talk to each other, this is the most stressful time in both your lives, any worries or fears are better aired than bottled up

Less accusations more discussions, just because he's a man doesn't mean it's not a tough time for him as well

motleymop · 15/08/2014 22:19

Looking for evidence is a nasty, lonely world so I hope OP is not on that zone.

peasandlove · 15/08/2014 22:29

sorry people are laughing at you. I'd go with your gut feelings. They are there for a reason.

Mumtobenovember · 15/08/2014 22:40

Im ok.. Had a breakdown today I think I'm unwell I need help so going to see a doctor, I have suffered with clinical depression in the past so I just hope this is not happening again.
I have not been searching for evidence and I wasn't checking his underwear, some people on here have been very nasty and in sensitive but to those of you who have been nice thank you I really appreciate it

OP posts:
SevenZarkSeven · 15/08/2014 22:45

That is a good idea to go and see the doc mumtobe, I had mental health issues when pg and they were very good. With a history of depression I think it's important that you talk to someone about this, it doesn't necessarily mean it's coming back but best to go and see them. Ante-natal depression is as common as post-natal though not as well publicised unfortunately, it's not unusual.

How is your DH today what's he been like. Will he support you going to the doc / is he a good person to do that and willing or do you have anyone else who can eg go with you if you would like support?

Swipe left for the next trending thread