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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Seamen in his boxer shorts?

188 replies

Mumtobenovember · 14/08/2014 22:12

I'm heavily pregnant and me and dp have been arguing and we haven't really been intimate he's being a dick basically- I just went into the bathroom and his boxers are on the floor he just took them off and had a shower after being at the gym and they have a white stain in about the size of a 50p is this normal? Do men get discharge?!! I don't want to kick off over a bit of knob discharge

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/08/2014 23:50

What do you mean you don't know how he managed to have a wank, because you were up at the same time as him?

Surely he has privacy in the toilet/bathroom if he wants it?

You clearly think he's cheating on you and you may have valid reasons to think that...but spunk in his boxers really shouldn't be one of them imo.

4littleones · 14/08/2014 23:52

I think if you want our opinions on the cheating then we need to know more facts. As this doesn't sound like cheating at all so far but we don't know your partner so very hard to say with little information.

mrsruffallo · 14/08/2014 23:57

Has this been going on for a while? Why were you checking his pants in the first place? You need to reel this stuff in a bit..you are about to give birth. Take it easy. Put all thoughts of infidelity out of your head and try to enjoy the time together before the baby comes. You can feel very insecure when pregnant, it's normal.
I hope that's all there is to it.

Trollsworth · 15/08/2014 00:01

Punching a wall sounds very frightening. It's the sort of thing my ex used to do. You say he isn't violent, but people who aren't violent don't punch anything at all.

Are you ok?

mrsruffallo · 15/08/2014 00:04

Oh come on, people who aren't violent will, at the odd time of great stress, lash out. Hit a wall, throw something, slam a door.

GoatsDoRoam · 15/08/2014 00:04

Punching a hole in the wall is the action of a violent man: it is designed to intimidate and frighten. To cow you into shutting up.

Are you happy in this relationship, OP?

4littleones · 15/08/2014 00:08

I agree with Mrsruffallo. My partner has punched things before. He has never hurt anybody (other than his knuckles!). I have also been so upset at times that I have thrown things etc but again I would never hurt anybody. I think at times some things just get to us so much that words don't cover it anymore and our emotions come out in other ways.

hashtagwhatever · 15/08/2014 00:08

Op on your other thread you have said that you have no reason to believe that dp is cheating.

Do you really think he is, or do you think it's hormones and arguments of late making you find faults?.

WowserBowser · 15/08/2014 00:12

Where are his boxers if he was merely tidying up?

4littleones · 15/08/2014 00:22

Right i have found your other thread. I think you need to speak to a doctor if I am totally honest. You have said yourself that there is no real reason to suspect it. I have had depression before and I Know how uncontrollable your emotions are. It's not your fault at all, it's horrible. But you do need to do something.

I don't think your partner has cheated. I think he is probably very Blush that you found some stained underwear. I Would be mortified if anybody saw mine if they had discharge or whatever. I think you need to sit down with him tomorrow when it's all calmed down and tell him how you feel. And then I think you need to phone the GP for a chat about how the can help you.

Keepcalmanddrinkwine · 15/08/2014 00:28

OP, if I were you I would walk away from this thread and start a new one voicing your concerns. People are so busy trying to be amusing the fact that you are pregnant, worried and upset is being overlooked.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2014 00:33

4littleones, I absolutely agree.

Mustangspirit · 15/08/2014 01:14

Op, I agree with keepcalm. I really feel for you and whether or not you have reason to be concerned about your dp's fidelity you obviously need support right now. You are pregnant, hormonal and vulnerable. This seems to have got lost in the hilarity Hmm of this thread.

Original poster
Mumtobenovember · 15/08/2014 06:54

I have no reason to think he's cheating other than things I make up in my head but the way I am Latley seeing that has made me freak out and now I have all these different scenarios running around in my head.. He hasn't spoken to me since I woke up when he came back last night and all he said was you don't Believe me do you? And also he said he can't be with me like this I am making him really unhappy with my misery and ruining new fatherhood for him Sad he hates me no wonder he may have heated

OP posts:
WildBillfemale · 15/08/2014 07:06

Seamen?! How big are his bloody boxer shorts?!

lol The ship has left port now - all's safe.........

Original poster
Mumtobenovember · 15/08/2014 07:08

It was a typo and we have already had that joke your too late dear

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 15/08/2014 07:20

It seems like your paranoid Hun. You've got to let that go. It will ruin your relationship.

Quitelikely · 15/08/2014 07:22

He doesn't hate you at all. He's just defensive because you keep accusing him of bizarre things. You need to have a word with yourself before you let things slip. Ie rationalise things. The boxer thing was a bit silly right?

Is there any other reason you think he might be cheating?

dancestomyowntune · 15/08/2014 07:28

Op, have you told him how you feel? Without accusing him? It's all very well him saying your ruining new fatherhood for him but what about your own enjoyment of impending motherhood? It sounds as though you are paranoid and depressed. That isn't your fault. Please tell him how you are feeling, calmly, and make a doctor's appointment.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/08/2014 07:44

OP the pair of you need to find a way to calm this down and talk kindly to each other. You're clearly very anxious and insecure for whatever reason and your reaction to some stained underwear sounds excessive in the circumstances. His response of punching a wall is extreme and violent. No matter what provocation, there is never justification for aggression and destructive behaviour. It is unacceptable.

So talk to each other like mature adults. If you're anxious, get reassurances rather than flinging accusations. If you can't speak to each other without it getting acrimonious and aggressive you will have to part ways for a while.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 15/08/2014 07:54

Yes I should say it is ruining impending fatherhood for him, you are accusing him of cheating on you and also your unborn child, I would get quite mad too if I was him having to put up with repeated accusation

chubbyhez · 15/08/2014 08:11

I think it's really cruel the way everyone too the piss.

Op you are overreacting and whilst punching a wall is far from ideal I can understand why he's angry and maybe embarrassed about getting,pulled up for having a wank.

OnlyWantsOne · 15/08/2014 08:12

Well ... I think it's a shame that at this current time you can't just accept that after a whole day and a trip to the gym that your partner may have dirty pants.

Does he check your gusset and pass comment?

But him punching a wall is not really on. How are you? Do you have a real life support?

CarryOn90 · 15/08/2014 08:20

People who aren't violent don't punch walls, OP. Hope you're okay.

I think you might be overreacting a bit with regard to the pants, sounds like you've asked him to be more tidy, he's tried his best to do that, picks up his pants and tidies them away, and gets yelled at and accused of cheating

youmakemydreams · 15/08/2014 08:29

Punching the wall totally not on. The obsessing about his pants just odd. If he had them on when he woke up with his morning hard on he could have leaked a bit onto his pants. If he had a wank during the day he could have left a bit onto his pants. If he's had sex with someone else he must have tucked it into his pants again pretty quickly for it still to be wet enough to leave a mark.

Tbh if he is violent you have bigger issues than him having a hard on or a wank.

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