Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

louby I feel exactly the same, sick of ONS and my X has been a FB (don't ask) doing my head in. Just want to find someone I can talk with have fun maybe actually plan something tog. Someone that makes me feel special Surely that is not too much to ask.

No, Blossom, it's not too much to ask. On line dating is just that, it's needle in a haystack stuff. I see it as... Im lovely and genuine so there are the same, it just takes time and I listen to my gut feelings on things, if it doesnt seem right it isnt... for ME. Next! [grins]

I admit I was naughty, and DTD with MrC within 3 hours of meeting and I have never regretted it. I just looked at him and thought "I want that" even if its once, twice or forever. I only had a few other dates and didn't even kiss them and he is the first man I have ever wanted to pounce on. So my number is very low. I think it depends on the guy everytime, if he is a sexist twat he will judge you and move on, if he isn't and he likes you he will want to see you more, men like women that desire them as an individual.

Totally understand that one mouse. you do what what you do, no big deal there, just know it for what it is at the time. if the guy doesnt speak to you after then so what.

Hi everyone, can I join you all for some much needed tips!

I'm 45, been single 5 years, divorced for 4 and I haven't been on a date in all that time

No reason really, just wasn't ready and I have a 7 year old so need sitters etc

I've decided I'd quite like someone in my life at last. Realistically the only way I'll meet someone is online dating. But I've heard bad reports of real snakes on there?

So, any advice for me please?

Best sites, do I need to pay to get better calibre, do's and don'ts, and how to spot time wasters or those looking for a 'bunk' up.

Do I need to be slim and gorgeous and is that what men expect?

What age group will actually want to go out with me?

Thanks

Hi Mummy, Ive done most [grins] most are very much the same in my book. I do keep going back to POF, its easy to navigate and lots of traffic, in saying that its pretty hit and miss (I prefer busy though). Girls date for free is what it says too.... the guys have to pay and we don't ... always a plus. I would never pay again and you can stay on there as long as you like and sift through.

Folk Thank you! I am already nervous. I don't want the big serious WE NEED TO TALK kinda talk ..... but I do want to know where he sees us going.

giggly, dont stress, why do you need a big conversation now? watch what he does, not what you decide to make him say. Sorry for being blunt but get a grip here.

Tinks42 He is actions rather than words but I am an insecure overthinker! I am so bad at figuring out whether his actions mean he is serious or not and am feeling vulnerable as I know how strongly I feel about him but don't know how he feels about me. I wish I knew how to get a grip as I don't want to ruin this.

Lbm

My number is low, slept with Mr IT on third date never regretted it and over will.
I'll always be glad I did as it made me see what sex could be like ,not humiliating , a man that can't do it that it can be caring and fun x

But giggly, thats YOU, not him.... know it's the way you are and sit with it. Ok, you're feeling vulnerable, that's not his fault and he doesn't need to fix it at this stage, you need to go out with friends etc. and let it unfold.

Tinks42 It is definitely me and I know that most of it is in my head. I try to keep rational and he doesn't know about all this nuttiness but I have never felt this strongly about anyone before. I am out with friends tonight and tomorrow so will be distracted. I think I just get myself down when I haven't seen him for a while and my issues grow.

Giggly I think you have to try and stop overthinking. If I'm honest I've found checking the thread less has helped me. And just believing in what he tells me, as much as I might find it hard. And some days I ask him outright about things like where is this going? What does he hope for future? If I can't be me then I'm not honest about who I am . I try not to fret too much but if he is in to me enough it won't matter that I need reassurance. Just be honest giggly.

You know how you feel giggly and that's fantastic but dont expect another person to be on your page just yet. Enjoy that feeling but do it privately until the other person catches up?

Minime85 He isn't telling me anything not in words anyway! It makes me wish that I had more experience. I don't know whether asking him outright is a good idea or not. When I am with him I am not like this fortunately. I think if he told me how he saw things I would be fine. I just feel like I need to know that I am reading his actions right.

Tinks42 I must sound like a teenager! Not knowing how he feels makes me hold back how I feel. But if he doesn't know how I feel and I don't know how he feels it all gets complicated.

May we put another point on the dating do's?

Always enjoy the way you feel, own it, it belongs to you but never expect the same back.

Hi Coldwater, I have only been dating for two months on POF after a 13 year relationship, split up 9 months. I have posted a bit on here, ladies are lovely here for us less experienced. I had a great date at the weekend and DTD but it has all gone weird with the bloke. We are about the same age, I find a lot of blokes are 40 and over who contact me, most have been thrown out the family home and have tales of wicked ex wife. They then say how lovely I am but then don't contact me. Its a minefield, even got books to help me but end up feeling clueless. Folk enlightened me with the rules which I will be taking note of. Love reading the positive posts of dates going well :)

Giggly, its really not rocket science, and doesnt need to be over complicated. what you need to know is... does he contact you when he says he will. do you enjoy each others company when together. thats enough at this stage, go tell your girly friends how much you feel.

gigly I know how hard it is. I am quite confident person but the early stages of a new relationship can leave you feeling vulnerable once you have feelings for that other person. I think Tinks is right, men don't sit around fretting, few of them open up and talk, some feel vulnerable too and therefore hang back and don't say how they feel. They also fear rejection. I think there are ways of finding out in very subtle ways. Make light jokes about the future, pick something he says and run with that. I remember my ex saying "I want a pippa and a Tarquin one day" (it was a joke) so I said, "Nah we shall have a Persephone and a Merlin and two ponies" He laughed and said "I will hold you to that" I knew then that his little jokes about the future were his way of testing to see if we shared common aspirations. We did and in time the jokes became plans. Plan something for a birthday/xmas and say you'd like to do that with him. Once he knows in these subtle but not so desperate terms that you want a future he will know its safe to say something. If he doesn't, he is either all actions and no words or he isn't feeling it.

Giggly I agree with the others...enjoy what you have, now & don't overthink. Easy to say I know!

Have a first date tonight. Have spoken on the phone and we were laughing so we will see. Very local-but not too local.

well justatoe, you will either go, blimey YUK and get on or say yes and he does the same, but one day you and someone else will both go... ok then! good luck!

that message read like shit [grins] it take two seconds to know you might "fancy" someone, which is a relief.... I hate the, oh god you look old and nothing like your picture ones, it really annoys me. Im not rude though and buy them a drink back then do the "speech" and run off!

Thanks tinks . Not my usual type, one bit, but my usual type hasn't been a great success in the past!

What speech do you do Tinks ? I'm not good at bringing the evening to an early close!

Im thinking its a YUK then... before you even start, but like me, you say, ok then lets give it a whirl. I have a particular "look" shallow but hey... I like over 6ft and bald. Ive tried to go for the 5ft6 ones hoping to be "surprised" nah... it doesnt happen.