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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 79

999 replies

louby44 · 13/08/2014 16:47

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

OP posts:
gottafindaman4yagirl · 13/08/2014 20:34

The guy has blocked me on POF so I am going for the chocolate, keeping of the wine though. I suppose I got carried away with all the attention and conversation which is lacking in my life and we had so much in common.

I finished reading that book Why men love bitches, i think there is some truth to it. Last two guys who rejected me after saying how nice i was both had a feisty ex, i must be too mellow.

Another guy has asked me out for coffee, he also seems keen but I think I will take a leaf out of your book frames and just take each as they come. last time I was single I was 18 and now in my thirties.

frames · 13/08/2014 20:41

I too have little opportunities to go on dates. Costs me a fortune in childcare, which I saw as a bit an extravagance....and therefore was keen for dates to lead somewhere, but soon realised with OLD this was not a good approach, and I was going to have to just make sure the dates were in places I really like, and don't get to go to with DC. I thk I have been blocked on match, the date was awful, then 4 mths later he text messaged me....I was a tad early in my response... And I don't think he found me winking at him funny! On the face of it he seemed very eligible, but was just rude!

frames · 13/08/2014 20:43

Tad sarky that should read!

frames · 13/08/2014 20:45

Its not about becoming a bitch. Its about doing what is right for you. I hated dumping a really lovely guy I had seen for a few months, but it just wasn't right.

Tisahardlife · 13/08/2014 20:45

I am also in the 'insecure' camp, in fact I think my panicking about lack of text response from the man I was dating for 2 months may have been part of the reason he disappeared, as on 2 occasions I did let my insecurity out on text asking him to please not just shut me out as it drove up my anxiety when actually it was his depression causing him to quieten down...I really liked him Sad

Gooey Don't and Single good luck with the dates tonight Grin

Jesy what you have sounds more like an early relationship than a fwb situation to me Smile

Jarlin how are you doing? That must have been so hard deleting messages and blocking Slow.

Can I run a situation by you all?

I have a hobby that I go too, it's my social life, but sometimes I have to take my children when their dad lets me down with child care and on balance I would rather take them to my hobby (nothing dodgy, it sounds seedy, it's really not, just don't want to out myself) than not go at all, but I do view my hobby as my time and separate from the children, so try to keep the two parts of my life separate where I can.

Anyway, Saturday almost 3 weeks ago I was at my hobby with my children, when a man I have met with and chatted too a few time (a friend of a friend) was also there. Anyway, he seemed a bit flirty this time (I have never notice before whether he was or wasn't flirty in the past) but on this day he made reference to being single 3 times, I helped him do something he couldn't do and he made a comment about women being logical thinkers and this is why he could do with a woman in his life, he was going to a wedding that evening and made a comment about weddings being no fun when you go alone. Peoples ages came up in conversation and he specifically asked me how old I was (but didn't ask anyone else) he is 2 years older than me. he also sat close enough for legs to be touching (I didn't move out of the way).

Now I did pick up at the time that he seemed interested, but I didn't respond in a way that would have given him any signals as firstly my children where there and secondly, it was the day before I saw the 2 month guy for the last time, so I had a date the following day (though no one at my hobby knows anything about me internet dating so he wouldn't have know that at that point I wasn't really available).

So this is the thing, I haven't seen him since to flirt with or suggest that I am also interested and available (I am now available sadly) so I wasn't sure what to do. I have no idea when I will next see him, and as our hobby is weather dependent and the weather seems to be turning bumping into him sometime soon without my children in tow seem unlikely.

I had hoped that he was interested enough to inquire with mutual friends for my number etc, but as I probably didn't respond enough to give him the go ahead he may not feel comfortable doing this at this point. So the thing is do I brave it and make the first move, or wait for us to bump into each other again and see what happens?

I really really don't want to make a fool of myself though, I'm already feeling pretty fragile after the 2 month man went AWOL without explanation, so would struggle with a knock back.

I hope this is clear, it's really hard to put it down without mentioning the hobby name Confused

frames · 13/08/2014 20:53

Wait for the hobby guy let him do the work.Keep on with the OLD in the meantime.

Tisahardlife · 13/08/2014 20:54

Gotta Just read your post Sad I've been in a similar situation in the past where they went on and on about how great I was etc, so I DTD on the first date and poof, gone...gutting isn't it Sad give yourself time to get over it, but remember that it was him, not you.

FolkGirl · 13/08/2014 21:02

gotta No problem. Smile

I hope I don't come across as flippant,but having read your introductory post, I think you'll fit right in here Sad

I found it useful to treat OD, not as an opportunity to meet someone, but as an opportunity to practice flirting, practice dating and to meet lots of different men and find out what I wanted.

Oh and I only ever get described as "lovely" and "sweet". My issues with that are well documented. But it didn't stop me from getting second dates...

FolkGirl · 13/08/2014 21:30

Tis I'd send out some subtle signals next time you see him, if you're interested. Just hold his gaze or give him a cheeky smile or something.

Let him do the work if that's what you'd prefer, but he needs to know that he won't be making a fool of himself either.

gottafindaman4yagirl · 13/08/2014 21:31

Thanks Frames, he disappeared before on POF and then weeks later messaged me saying "sorry I vanished but some crazy lady got my profile deleted" maybe I should I smelt something fishy then, excuse the pun.
At least the date only cost me cab fare. I just think men are quick to judge you on the first date and are very looks driven.

Hi Tisa, and thanks, its really helps to hear i'm not the only one who DTD on first date. Men must judge but he was the 4 th person I have ever slept with so it was a big deal for me. Wondered if i was terrible, not had much experience and don't think i will get any.

Glad I posted Folk, Its hard to get all this stuff out without being judged. I just wouldn't tell a guy he is great and tell him he is a gentleman and charming, strong then show no interest. Rather they said nothing, one guy said he liked my delicateness, that got me foaming at the mouth. He should see me a few days before my period.

I am going to take all the advice I get and try to keep my insecurities at bay.

Next date will be over coffee so I don't get carried away, Any advice on what to wear, maybe I am dressing wrong. Normally I wear a tight dress with hem to the knees and heels.

Blossomflowers · 13/08/2014 21:34

gotta I read your thread earlier, it is not you, I have had the same thing happen, OLD is doing my head in. Went on a date last week, spent ages chatting, said he was really into me, loads of texts afterwards and then nothing, just don't get it. I have feeling some of thse guys are in a relationship and looking for a thrill.

Jarlin · 13/08/2014 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frames · 13/08/2014 21:48

Gotta.... I am not sure what your usual style of dressing is? So its tricky to say what to wear. I always wear a dress if date is coffee or drinks, not tight though, but I am wearing the dress ,'cos I feel nice in it, not cos I am dressing up for my date. Its a balance of feeling good and confident in something....without overkill ....for me. I live in an area where women make a big effort....so most of the time I am underdressed!

gooeycookie · 13/08/2014 21:54

Hi all! Just walked in...

Had a great time, lovely dinner, really lovely company. He's funny & attractive. We've made plans for Sunday... Keep your fingers crossed everyone!

There's just one but.... I think I blew the kiss guys! I feel like such an idiot! We'd had a big conversation on whatsapp about PDA, and I said a cuddle or quick lip kiss is ok but I'd never snog in public... I dropped him back to his car because he'd parked a little further than me, got out of the car to say good bye and... A quick lip kiss! I know we were I'm public but it was quite quiet!!!
Oh god! I must've looked a lite disappointed because he asked if that was ok no it wasn't, I wanted your tongue in my mouth argh!!!! Why do I do it! Then I was too shy to go for more! Now I think he thinks he's upset me! Oh god!
We've both recorded the GBBO and have decided to synchronise watching it (yes, cheesy!) so do I say about it? Not mention it???
Am kicking myself! Sorry about huge rambley thread...

frames · 13/08/2014 22:01

Don't mention it. Just wait and see! Glad you had a great time.

Tisahardlife · 13/08/2014 22:13

Thank you Gotta, Folk and Jarlin so I wait then, no idea when I will next see him though. I definitely think he was interested and now I'm not dating I'm definitely interested, I don't want to chase, but would like to give it a go...Guess I need to bide my time and keep being at my hobby as much as possible (Kids won't like it as they don't really like going, but I tell them it's where I get to see my friends, and they see theirs all the time because I take them etc, so it's only fair that they allow me my time...and I do make sure they take stuff to do etc).

Whilst we are on, has anyone heard on 'Badoo' as a dating site, Someone at work is raving about it, but I've never heard of it Confused

Tisahardlife · 13/08/2014 22:15

Gooey I think that comes across a bit as you taking your time, which will probably have him wanting you more, I would see it as a good move rather than a bad one (I need to take a leaf out of your book rather than jumping into bed with them when they whisper sweet nothings only to never see them again)

Jarlin · 13/08/2014 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FolkGirl · 13/08/2014 22:17

gooey that sounds great! Grin In fact, the whole thing sounds pretty much perfect. Fingers are definitely crossed for you!

I wouldn't mention it.

Gotta well I was doing OD last summer. I wore a white summer dress or floral skater dresses, thick black tights and ballet pumps depending on the weather. But always wore a dress on a first date.

gigglygirlygirl · 13/08/2014 22:20

Seeing my BF on Saturday to Monday and WILL have the talk. Or at least will try!!

gottafindaman4yagirl · 13/08/2014 22:22

Frames, My ex refused to say I looked nice when I dressed up to go out and I lost my sense of style but starting to let myself dress up.I have always felt awkward and have only started to except my body but I cant imagine letting another guy see my stretch marks, my son asked me why I had wrinkles on my belly the other day :(

Going for a quick coffee date on Saturday I think I will wear skinny jeans and T-shirt. The guy wanted me to meet him at 2 pm because he was going out with the boys later. I told him I couldn't do the meet up that early so maybe next Saturday, he then said he could do it at 3.30. TBH after my weekend another date is the last thing I want but i need to get out and build my confidence. He then added that he couldn't wait to see my perfect smile in person...seriously.

frames · 13/08/2014 22:26

That's a nice thing to hear, about your smile. He is not really being very flexible though over times.....particularly if its to go out with the lads....tends to be a Friday night thing?

gottafindaman4yagirl · 13/08/2014 22:35

I should be cautious do you think, he does have a lot of pictures on POF. He looks nice and is very keen to meet soon. Wish I had a book on what to look out for, He signed off saying he had to put his daughter to bed who is four.

I need to do my shopping anyway so I will think of it as fitting him in around myself.

Tisahardlife · 13/08/2014 22:37

Just googled Badoo, apparently you can pay to use it, or let it email all your friends Hmm

gottafindaman4yagirl · 13/08/2014 22:49

Good luck Gooey, I think taking it slow is better and something I will be doing from now on.