Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

Thewater - there are quite a few people that I haven't chatted to more than a few lines just because I get a lot of messages. So I forget who I've chatted to. The people who end up meeting me from the list who I put together and consider I would want to meet are those who are the most persistent and who phone me! Once I've spoken to someone on the phone I'm more likely to meet them...

majorca It's often because they're messaging lots of women at once.

What sort of messages did they send to you that you replied to?

majorca I think there are a couple of reasons. One that I'm guilty of is a half-arsed attempt to 'get out there' - sometimes due to mood or being too busy. So I refresh my profile, log in, initiate contact and then I'm either not in the mood to follow up or I don't log on for a while. If I've been chatting for a couple of days I would say something but if it's just a couple of messages I probably wouldn't. Of course if I'm totally engaged by someone then all I can think about is logging on but for the most part it's a sea of 'meh-ness'. Another reason I can think of is timing. He might be further along in writing to / meeting someone else so he's off to try his luck at getting together with someone he's had a bit more time to establish some sort of bond with and it's no poor reflection on either of you. The worst reason is that he's attached so is off doing household / Dad stuff.

Ugh Folk exactly that - why would anyone be hurt by me disappearing when I'm pretty worthless and unimportant

Ursula! Wipe that thought from your brain - worthless & unimportant are words to describe a man who does not appreciate you. Do not apply them to yourself x

Good point before. I think everyone newly separated wants to play the field I can't blame them for that and the first place to turn is OD. Those who've been there and done that probably don't log on often any more!

Folk - fruit and chopped nuts for breakie and a massive chicken salad for lunch!

Have just read the EMAIL.
It was so incredibly sweet. He realised I sent email by mistake
He wasn't shocked in the slightest & apologised to ME for not being attentive enough.

Maybe that's a lesson well learnt. To be myself & not mould myself into what I think others want/expect of me.

Thanks imnotyourbabes I know, it's just remnants of previous men's behaviour and I'm gonna work on my self esteem

Gosh yeah I totally do the moulding thing ~ then end up embarrassed of making a fool of myself instead of just being like well this is who I am actually

Ursula It's not helping that I've been asked out by a couple of married men recently, too.

I'm not a flirt by nature. So I'm not aware of flirting with them so either a) I'm sending out signals without realising it or b) I'm not sending out signals, I just look like someone who would entertain 'entertaining' a married man.

That's making me feel pretty shit, too.

Worthless and unimportant. That's spot on.

Get you! ursula that's great.

I had 2 boiled eggs and a banana for a snack mid morning and loads of salad, 30g mozzarella and 40g sunsoaked tomatoes for lunch. Just under 600 cals so far.

Going to friends' later so won't be really good then, but still. It's a start!

BABES He apologised for not being attentive enough... The mind boggles

Still at least he took it well. Will you be keeping in contact with him?

I cba counting calories I'm just trying to 'eat clean' it's hard! I want a Capri Sun! Ha.

The married men thing is weird, that it's more than one. I think sometimes when people see single people 'their age' or in their social group it looks like the grass is greener. I was on a work do a fortnight ago and a man who has been single ages and just settled down was all over me saying he wishes he was single because 'you can do what you want'. Yes but you're lonely remember!

FolkGirl - quit the 'worthless & unimportant' YOU ARE NOT. The married men can probably pick up on your vulnerability. That's what they prey on.

I think I'll have to stay in touch with him, Folk .

Good point about vulnerability I think it's probably a good thing I get fewer messages and never get the endless texters any more I think they were vampires

Well I'm starting off using myfitnesspal, just to motivate and focus the mind.

Yes, I think that must be it. One man unashamedly asked me out and gave me the whole, "I am married, but we're only together for the children, I should have left a long time ago" spiel. The other one did it by stealth and I only realised it was a 'date' at the 11th hour. Largely because the tone of the communication had changed.

Bloody men.

Never going to trust one ever again, I don't think!

Excellent Folk, it feels better doesn't it. I'm basically number blind so just writing things down old school

Ok BABES

These men were in RL. I don't think I would have come across as vulnerable to either of them. I'd be surprised.

But anyway.

Glad you're keeping in touch with your POF man

Maybe you just seemed fun and interesting. Married life can feel dull and tying.

That's not to say it's you per se it's that they see a life vicariously through single people that's tempting

I think a lot of married men think we'll be grateful and snap up the chance of a romp .

I also wonder if we're easy prey as there's no audit trail (emails, logins etc) and they gamble that we'll say nothing to avoid rocking the friendship group.

I used to have loads of male friends who were married (all met via work) and we'd have dinner to catch up about twice a year. All bar one has hit on me since my divorce... I honestly believed men and women could be just friends before but now I'm quite sceptical. The worst one was last year. We were near the end of dinner, had been chatting and laughing about this and that, had a few drinks and then he uttered the worst chat up line I've ever heard: "I think I've got a bit of a stiffy". I kid you not. With no signals that the conversation was heading that way. I'd not heard that word since my DSDs said it and sniggered when they were about 10. And to think I couldn't even stir up a full stiffy, just a bit of one I was kind of repulsed, insulted and disappointed all at once

Yes, I see what you mean, ursula.

Well I wouldn't say anything.

Before Haha, sorry, that really made me laugh. I used to think that men and women could be 'just good friends' too, but I'm not so sure either. I think I'd be wary at about any close female friends any boyfriend of mine had.

Do you think they were always interested? Or had just seized an opportunity?

It really surprised me. I know people have affairs, but I don't think I've ever been a target for one before

Just had a message from a guy in Ohio!?
' you british girls are so beautiful & intelligent. please can you migrate to Ohio? The girls here have an iq the same as a bag of rocks'
Ohio is where it's at