Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

Good for you jesy he sounds lovely.
Blondegeeky texted to tell me he loved our date.

Hi, this thread moves so fast job to keep up. I know this has been asked before but from experience, which sites have you found the most success. Am on POF and keep seeing the same old faces, also OK Cupid ( totally rubbish) and plenty more fish which is ok.

It varies depending on your type and location, Blossom - I had good success with Match, then when I moved I had better luck with OKC. I haven't had a single date from POF (I don't think) - I just didn't find anyone on there in my area appealing.

OKC has a higher proportion of fetishists and swingers, it seems - or at least they're more up front about it. POF has more dross to wade through, but also more profiles.

If you're in a big city you could try Guardian Soulmates, or the Telegraph does one too I think, but they're not good for places other than London, Manchester, Birmingham etc (apparently)

There doesn't seem to be a single better quality site than any others. Tinder is quite good though for many people, although has problems with distance sometimes - less problems with 'hey babez' emails from people you don't fancy though

Thanks bant my trouble is I am very rural. Know you what you mean about OKC, constantly be contacted by half naked men in their 20's, I am 48 ffs

You are Jesy!

Blossom I'm rural too and tbh it always seems a problem for men, I really don't think it is. I get a lot of 'oh if only you lived in Manchester- they want you on their doorstep!

Ursula

I get a bit insecure about it but he has treated me so well . My one ex was an addict and other a cheat not sure if he did when we were together but he cheated on his last gf (with me please don't judge )
But after years of being alone I've made a proper friend someone who I can turn to,which is something not had in many years

I found OKC better, the men tend to be more erudite, creative types whereas POF is populated with people who use text speak, wear yellow coats and think "hey" is a great way to get your attention. I agree with bant, OK has quite a lot of fetishists whereas the men on POF or more misogynist. The former were more entertaining to talk to than the latter! But then I would rather talk to a kinky accountant than a monosyllabic mail clerk.

ursula It does make things a whole lot easier if nearby but such a small pool of people I suppose, am I being unrealistic.?

ha ha LBM I find I do most of the contacting, is that wrong. I do also judge people by what they do for a living, is that terrible? Sound like a right snob, but so want to meet someone on my level

Accountants are said to be boring but one I spoke to was quite interesting, I was shocked but at least I learned something new I don't really mind what people do, and I am not a snob but many men who have ordinary interests like football, gym and pub would not want me and I wouldn't be rushing to spend time with them either. They would be swaying down the road singing, I would be walking into lamp posts not through drink but because I'm enthusing about doric columns and brass door bells. Mr C has a very ordinary job and I am writing about something he has more than a passing interest in, so all good and lots to talk about.

Blossomflowers, years ago the friday ad local paper thing had a section, have you looked at that?

Ladies i am going to sound ridiculous but do you date?! Never done this before and here i am at 33 starting from scratch. I am speaking to a couple of blokes from pof, both really good looking and have nice personalities but both only want a bit of fun. What do i do here? Meet them and give them what they want? Stop chatting to them because ideally i want more? Or meet them for the time being for 'fun' until someone else comes along? But how do you stop yourself really liking the wrong guy if you know it isn't going to go anywhere?! See i sound ridiculous!

I know LBM I should not pre judge I am often very surprised how different they are in RL. I have dated all sorts of people. Think I will avoid fanatical cyclists from now on, lol

yes, all that lycra. I now avoid actuaries and geeks.

coldwater1, I think you should only meet them if you want a bit of fun. There are of course exceptions where people start off meeting for sex and then fall for each other and a relationship develops but most men know from the outset what they are looking for. As regards liking the wrong guy, you only know if they are wrong when you get to know them, by that time you might be in too deep. Its risky but necessary to have some trust. And if you sound ridiculous...then many of us here are quite ridiculous too! Do you think you can handle just having sex without feeling betrayed, lonely or empty? If it isn't right for you, don't do it.

Hi Ladies, Im out in the dating world at 51. Met my last partner on POF who I was with for 4 years. Anyway, just wanted to say hi to you all.

Coldwater - never compromise what you are looking for, why would you give them what "they" want? I've found from experience that when a man says he only wants a bit of fun, then that's what he wants. I personally do "zero" tolerance on the sexual innuendo side of things, it makes me cringe. I reprimand due to having a big gob and block quickly. My advice to you is not to waste your time, get rid of them and look for someone that wants the same as you.

Thanks. I think i will give them both a miss as nice as they are. Oh well!

Just remember the "charmers" are always nice due to wanting to get in your knickers

coldwater When I first started OLD dating I did have a few 1 night stands, more for an ego boost ( I now realise this) having been treated very badly by my X.This is ok if that is what you both want, not I am looking for someone special so will avoid blokes clearly saying they are just looking for fun. Life is too short.

Jesy I'm not in a position to judge anyone for cheating. I think it sounds like a really lovely relationship, my only concern for you is that you were together before and then he called it off if I remember - and you were very upset, naturally, and now you have what I would call a relationship that he seems reluctant to become official and I wonder why. But that doesn't stop it being great! And I think if you could only relax and enjoy it, it'd be perfect. But maybe you can't until it's official?

Blossom, I don't know I've found that I have had to date people from further afield so not to compromise my standards. It would be lovely to date someone near but there are very few locals and those who are just aren't my type. I think travelling up to half an hour isn't much anyway but am aware guys who live in cities don't think like that!

jesy I had been wondering where you were and the last thread moved so quickly!
I hope you don't take any offense to what I say but I just wanted to add my view.

Before I got with my now DP, I had a FWB situation with one of my best male friends. We spoke every day, flirted loads, had in jokes, cuddled up together, made each other dinner, went gigs together etc. But we weren't a couple and it was never discussed that we would be.

We were just close friends who had a lot of sex.

I cared very much for him and I still do, but we have different ideals and goals and I don't think we'd work as a couple, nor did we see each other like that. But I've met his close friends and his sister who lives abroad and his family ask about me sometimes.
The only reason we stopped sleeping together is that I met my DP and my FWB was my sounding board for my budding relationship because he was my friend. How would you feel if Mr IT got a gf? I think that's the acid test of the situation. I didn't give a second thought to getting with my DP as my FWB wasn't my bf!

I honestly think you should speak to Mr IT because you seem like you are trying to convince yourself it could be more, but it may not be.

Of course I could be totally wrong but that's just my story x

I agree with tinks I don't want a ONS or a FB, I want a boyfriend whom I can spend time with, go out with to the cinema, a meal, maybe away for the weekend.

I don't want to live with anyone (yet) and I certainly don't want to buy a house/marriage either. I just want a relationship where I see someone a few times a week, we stay over sometimes etc etc!! and enjoy each others company!

blossom I must be a snob because I too look at what someone does for a living. I know it's not always a measure of intelligence but I've got a degree and have a professional job, I read a lot and have heated discussions with friends. I want someone on the same intellectual wave length as me. And what they do for a job is often not always an indicator of intelligence!

Totally with you there louby44. It's what I want, exclusive yet at a distance, retaining your independence yet having that special person who has his own life too until the children have flown the nest... and then who knows.

Was talking about this only last night to someone in the same boat as coldwater1. Can't you just bail if there's zero chemistry? She said if she's drawn to somebody not looking for anything serious she'll still go out just to keep up to date. They go Dutch, or she'll eat and drink modestly, (it's bad manners to pick the priciest items on the menu) have a nice night out then plead an early start next day/AF/psycho ex and make her own way home.

I'd say if your chat up skills are rusty why not have a lunch or evening out, treat it like a rehearsal.

As long as he was happy I'd be fine with it. I must admit I'd be jelouse but I just want him to be happy.

Tbh I think I have a bit of pmt n no job blues as today after a long walk I feel much brighter what will ,will be .
I haven't bothered looking for someone else as not really in the dating position at tho .
Plus I know when it goes wrong you lot be there for me