Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

I've said 'no' to a guy today and I've stopped going on tinder 'for attention' this week. I know for a fact though that if either of my FWB contact me I won't say no even though I'm feeling increasingly upset about the way they treat me, as in not having anything to say to me between times. I know I'm like this because of someone in particular and it's that person I probably need to 'get over'. It's all so horrible but I haven't met anyone that excites me AND is nice, they are either too nice and I don't fancy them or I fancy them and they're pretty horrid. Unfortunately I do think that men lose respect for you when you do casual sex and I've lost a whole lot for myself. I've multiplied my partners by about five in the past year and it disgusts me. All that without more than three dates with any one or them.

Blossom that's exactly how I feel and I sort of need to 'forgive myself'. I'm also a bit scared that if I do meet someone who wants a relationship that I will find it hard to 'give up' my slutty ways. I don't trust myself so how can anyone else.

Folk the the funny thing is I'm the most lovely and a sweet type really, I am giving and loving and they don't see that. I have a vixen look because I am 'dark and mysterious' but really I'm very girl next door. I don't know why they always seem to peg you as one and not the other.

Hi, I'd really like some opinions, please.

I've now had 4 dates with Walt. He seems lovely - thoughtful, gentle, quite shy. We've arranged another date next week. But last night I was internet stalking (as you do!) and discoverd he'd lied about his age - he's 3 years (I think) older than he said he was.

What makes it even worse is that I had a suspicion that he was older than he said in his profile, and specifically asked him about it in a message. He gave a very evasive answer - a lie by omission, if that makes sense. I can kind of understand that he might have preferred to tell me in person, but we've had 4 dates now so he's had plenty of time to do that, and hasn't.

It's not his age itself that worries me, it's the fact that he lied in his profile, pretty much lied in his message, and then didn't tell me face to face either.

I texted him earlier about it, and to his credit he texted straight back and we're going to chat on the phone this evening. I'm not going to make any decisions until we've done that, but ... what does everyone think? I was really shocked when I found out, and feel quite upset. If he's lied about that, what else will he lie about? I just feel he's not the person I thought he was and that my gut instincts about him were wrong - or am I over-reacting?

Would really welcome opinions ... thanks. It would also be great to hear from anyone on this thread who's used a false age on their profile, so I can understand the other side of the coin, if that makes sense!

Oh and I also feel big and wobbly, I tell myself I am curvy and plus sized models are still gorgeous but really I'm two stones at least overweight and I berate myself when men fuck me and leave me that it's because I'm old and fat. Ugh this week has been the hardest in quite some time.

Personally I don't think you've over-reacted. It's a stupid thing to lie about, it's 3 years FFS. What else is he lying about, indeed!!!!!!! How much do you like him, AndCat?

andcat I have lied on my profile by a couple of years, when I set up the profile I kind of thought most people lied ad blokes my real age looked so bloody old. So now a bit trapped but would have to come clean if it became serious with someone. So far no one has questioned me though

I adjusted my age once on tinder, then back again when it made no difference, because people search by age criteria often and I look younger and prefer younger men. But I did put on my profile 'I am lying about my age' haha. God I'm mental at times

Thanks so much for the quick responses!

I can see that Walt's real age would have made him sound much older (starting with a 5 instead of a 4!) so that might explain why he did it. I know it's not like lying about being married or something like that, but I value honesty a lot and it feels like a bad beginning. Maybe he'd have done the same as you Blossom and told me if things started to get serious?

Handywoman, I don't really know how much I like him. We haven't even kissed properly yet. But I was definitely looking forward to seeing him again and I've enjoyed our dates so far and felt he was a lovely person. I'm quite a slow mover and tend not to jump into things! Good luck on your date with MrSwoon tonight, by the way. What have you decided to wear?

I apologized to blondegeeky for being a rubbish texter. He replied that I was a rubbish texter but he shouldn't have jumped to conclusions either and I should text him lots more.

I am the woman who texts my friends 100s of times a day. Men I like...think I'm not interested!

don't, I agree with both FolkGirl and wicked. Hopefully BlondGeeky will agree to Tuesday or Wednesday.

blossom, I don't think you're being selfish. You have a good reason to want to stay local - your DS. Why does MrMusic want you to go to his city tonight? I'd explain the situation to him (and to be honest if he still tries to insist you go to his city, I wouldn't think much of him).

Ursula and Folk, it's so sad to read your posts today. Ursula if Walt had admitted his real age in his profile like you did I wouldn't have had a problem with it.

don't, I agree with both FolkGirl and wicked. Hopefully BlondGeeky will agree to Tuesday or Wednesday.

blossom, I don't think you're being selfish. You have a good reason to want to stay local - your DS. Why does MrMusic want you to go to his city tonight? I'd explain the situation to him (and to be honest if he still tries to insist you go to his city, I wouldn't think much of him).

Ursula and Folk, it's so sad to read your posts today. Ursula if Walt had admitted his real age in his profile like you did I wouldn't have had a problem with it.

andcat Oh he did not insist and understood perfectly but did he did not suggest he could come down here again as I wanted him to. I could have suggested but to be honest I need a man to do some chasing, is that silly?

Ursula I think that part of the issue for me is that when I was younger (twenties) I was told a couple of times that I had a look of mischief about me; a twinkle in my eye that was quite intriguing. Apparently I always looked like I was about to get up to "no good". I know what they meant.

I think I've lost that.

I think I'm realistically a stone and a half overweight. I berate myself for that. And I'm nearly 40. It was supposed to be sorted by now.

I think I've had a really tough few weeks now. I just want to be on my own.

Yes Andcat and the fact he was evasive when asked but maybe it's just this one thing, some of us find ageing very hard. Hopefully your call will clarify things.

My issues are very long running and I had a husband who did love me wholeheartedly but I never believed him. Without him there as 'the one person who will love me' which is how he made me feel, not entirely healthy itself, I've in the back of my mind decided no one will and to project forward an 'I don't need anyone I can do casual sex I am a sexual being and you can use me as you see fit' impression. So they have and I feel, well dirty and used.

Don't maybe you'll have to play it slightly differently with blonde geeky. He's played you at your own game there in a way but all signs are positive, I do think you'll need to text more though! I know it's disappointing when you had a date planned and it falls through

Yes Folk me too, I haven't not texted and messaged anyone for this long for a bit and I need it. I know I could 'get someone' to come over sometime but there's no satisfaction in that right now. I want them to want to. I told the guy who messaged me that I wasn't single any more (hollow laugh!)

I'd be happy a stone and a half lighter for sure maybe we can support each other? I'm spending Friday night in the supermarket yet again.

Almost all the messages I get are of the 'you look like a naughty one' variety. So I played up to it because you cannot change their minds! I do have a twinkly eye thing but that's my sense of humour. My hair is almost black and my eyes are very dark brown, I honestly think they see some bloody mysterious thing when there is no mystery at all. Does my head in!

Blossom I need a man to chase too. I've chased all of them and now I'm not you'd think my phone was out of order. Even down to arranging dates, I never want to have to choose the location date and time again! I need forthright.

Ursula I think we should support each other. Start tomorrow?

Urgh, and I can see why those comments would wear pretty thin, pretty quickly

My exH married me out of friendship, fondness and a desire to try and undo some of the harm done to me by others. As well as address a few of his own demons. It didn't work for either of us. But he didn't fancy me and he didn't love me.

I want someone who loves me, who fancies me, who cares about me, who thinks I'm pretty, who desires me, who thinks I'm sexy, who thinks I'm funny and who likes me. I just want to be important to someone. But I'm not sure I'd recognise it or believe it if I did find it.

I'm scared of throwing in the towel and saying "It's over" because part of me is scared that if I say that now, I'll be saying it forever.

I did get men saying they wanted to see me again when I was OD, so saying I was "lovely" or "sweet" wasn't the kiss of death some women find it to be, but I think that unless some one finds me sexy or desirable and wants to have sex with me I don't stand any chance of keeping them interested.

Haha it's almost like we've had two sides of the same coin, the longest running 'relationships' I've had OD have been purely sexual. I recognise all the desirables you list in a relationship and what scares me most is that I never envisaged growing old alone. But I chose to leave my husband because there was no fire, we were companions and that felt so awfully dreary. I felt young enough to start again but that was two years ago really and time is flying past. Yes, start tomorrow. Maybe getting my appearance and eating more controlled will help me feel better about myself.

It is, isn't it...

My exh and I separated nearly 2 years ago. I don't want to grow old alone either, but the older I get, the less attractive I'll be and so the problem will get worse, not better.

It's all not helped by the fact that I've recently been asked on a thinly disguised 'date' by a married man I know. I mean it might not be a date, it might be entirely innocent! But it looks like a date and it sounds like a date and if I were his wife I wouldn't be happy with it and I'd expect the woman to see the boundaries even if he couldn't... so I politely declined. But still...

So is that a tick in the box for me being attractive? Or a tick in the box for all men are bastards, who'll try it on with anyone, so why worry anyway? I spent years sending out 'fuck off' vibes (according to a friend of mine). No one ever showed any interest in me when I was married. I don't think anyone even looked at me twice! I must be looking old and desperate nowadays [hollow laugh emoticon]

I think getting my weight and eating controlled and improving my appearance will be good for me, too. I've got no excuses. I've had my bike serviced so that's ready to go; I've got the couch to 5k pod casts ready to go and my running clothes sorted; and I've got the 30 day shred dvd gathering dust. I just need to do it.

Haha I could have written that entire post! I'm in a mild panic about the time passing and me getting older and uglier therefore less likely to find anyone! And when I was married I don't think I was looking so I wasn't aware of people looking at me that way. Until there was one, who made it very known and ruined my marriage. Anyway I've been and done that uber shop you do when you're gonna start a diet and spent a bleeding fortune! Fresh fruit and veg will be my boyfriend.

I have a story that will cheer you all up I arranged to meet someone recently who I've been talking to for a long time but never met. I am fairly sure that when I got there he was already tipsy and had been drinking because he was nervous about meeting me.

We were sitting in the middle of a pub when he suddenly blurted out 'I may not be 6ft tall but I've got a 10 inch cock!'

What seemed like the entire pub turned to look at us both. It was truly a moment where I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Sooooooo embarrassing.

Needless to say, I don't think he's my destiny. In fact he was very loud and embarrassing for the whole date. He reminded me of my 5 year old daughter!

I personally don't think being attractive helps you get a relationship.