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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 79

999 replies

louby44 · 13/08/2014 16:47

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 23/08/2014 09:04

dont you have a lovely way of working out if you fancy someone or not. I'm afraid my method is a little less romantic than that Blush

I love your confidence, too. I wish I could be that certain about things. FWIW, I agree with you about blondegeeky not going out drinking last night.

FolkGirl · 23/08/2014 09:08

Read it, BABES

Original poster
louby44 · 23/08/2014 09:32

Yes read it and tell us what it says!

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 10:03

I know! Good food starts today!

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 10:07

Yay Folk that sounds yum and exercise too! I'm still in bed Smile

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 10:22

That does sound v healthy folk.

What bothers me slightly is that blondegeeky is v v good looking. Obviously I like that. But he's also tall, clever and funny. Other women are going to like that too. He's used to getting what he wants. I'm going to have to be different from the rest.

FolkGirl · 23/08/2014 10:25

I know what you mean, dont, but I suppose this is where you have to just be yourself and hope that that is the "different from the rest" that appeals.

You can't be 'spectacular' all day every day (unless that's what you naturally are, of course!!) can you?

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 10:30

Therein lies a hard path I think you'd end up looking at 'what you are not' (in a Folk and I way!) rather than what you are. You are enough, when I'm on an even keel I tell myself that I can't control what someone else chooses and if they choose 'not me' so be it. Their loss.

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 10:36

I think the way in which I'm going to be different is by not being instantly available to him when he wants me.

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 10:40

Could backfire!

FolkGirl · 23/08/2014 10:42

Very good idea, dont.

FolkGirl · 23/08/2014 10:45

I don't know, there's a difference between "not being instantly available" and playing games.

I think if he thinks you're sitting around waiting for him to call you, dont that gives him all the power. By knowing that he has to plan things with you, it puts you on a more equal footing.

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 10:59

For example - after last night's mix up. He offered to meet me today. If I'd jumped to it and said yes, what message would that have given him? I offered two days of my choosing as an alternative. If he likes me, he'll fall in line.

Because of my dignity, I'll be at home feeling sorry for myself tonight instead of out with a gorgeous man, but when everything else goes, dignity is all you really have.

lottieandmia · 23/08/2014 10:59

I don't think there's anything you can do to make a man treat you well if he doesn't want to. Do you know much about his previous relationships dont? Good luck anyway with this one - it sounds like he does like you though.

lottieandmia · 23/08/2014 11:01

Why can't you meet up today with him? Are you worried you look too available? Personally I think it would not give the wrong message if you see him today if you are free.

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 11:04

I think it then looks like I don't have a life. I want him to make arrangements in advance and stick to them. So I'm training him here. He knows he can't see me at the last minute, so if he wants to see me, he'll book in advance and keep to that date in future. Otherwise he could take me for granted.

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 11:05

Plus I can't make him treat me well. But what I can do is set out my boundaries and walk away if he doesn't treat me with respect.

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 11:16

I do see what you mean I'd just worry about cutting my nose off to spite my face

FolkGirl · 23/08/2014 11:21

If you really feel bad about not seeing him this evening, you could always tell him your plans have fallen through for this evening and ask if he's still free...

But just be prepared for him to not be.

I agree with not being instantly available, but not sure about deliberately making yourself feel bad. If he's going to treat you with respect, then he's going to whether you're available to him or not. If he's the sort of man who won't, then he won't.

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 11:22

Right well I've just double texted him and offered Monday. God. I hate this. I really hate it.

FolkGirl · 23/08/2014 11:22

Or what ursula said. Wink

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 11:24

If he's not interested I'd rather know so I can get back out there sharking for fresh bait on match.

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 11:26

My male friend keeps saying things like 'do you really think he was babysitting?' Maybe he's just not that into you.

lottieandmia · 23/08/2014 11:32

But it sounds like he is interested :) has he done anything so far that you feel is not respectful?

dontcallmehon22 · 23/08/2014 11:35

No lottie. The friend I was talking to basically suggested he was lying about babysitting and that he's just after sex. I'm very doubtful anyway so it's making me want to end it to put myself out of my misery.

But last night he told me to trust him and said that there's something about me that he really likes.