It's the final straw but scared about splitting up

[Knackered123]

My OH has not come home after going out last night and promising with all his heart that he would be back at a decent time. He has done this before and convinced me he would never do it again. He goes drinking with his friends and gets too drunk to come home and ends up sleeping on someone's floor. Very mature. Last time he came back at 9.30am and was still drunk. I said I wouldn't put up with it again, and here we are, it's happened again.

He is a good dad and loves our 8month old very much. I want him to have a good relationship with his son, and do feel bad that he will not be able to see him very day, potentially. I am not even angry and don't want a fight, I just want to make positive steps today to move on from him.

This is not the only thing that is wrong with our relationship. He doesn't show any love and can be, quite frankly, a bully quite a lot of the time. And sometimes cruel to me. We argue a lot. It's very stressful and making me unhappy.

I don't want to leave my house or go and live with anyone else for a while - why should I!

Please could anyone suggest how I can go on from here and how I can build the strength to actually go through with it this time? I know in the long run I will be happier. Thank you.

Do you think he will come back tonight op?

That's the problem, isn't it. They try and make you feel bad. Do you think you will give in? I'm not going too. Done it a million times. Dreaming of a better future now.

Yeah, he is back now, trying to act like everything is normal. Well it's not. Things are going to change starting from today. How about you?

Nope no sign

I'm glad

Hope he doesn't start with pathetic sorry texts at 1am pissed as a fart

Well if he is anything like my oh he probably will, but that is probably because he is thinking, oh well I've had my fun pissing about like a twat now I am ready to come home and have my cake and eat it too.

Hope you are ok

I am

Are you?
What do you plan to do?

Not sure yet. I've drunk a bottle of wine.

Has he said much?

Yeah, but chatting away trying to be pleasant as if all is well with the world. Now gone to bed. He knows things have changed drastically but there is a sense of denial. Where is your oh?

Fuck knows

Is he always like this? He sounds like a complete waste of time.

Knackered, do you mind if I ask you were the poster who had a thread in the week about the husband getting the wrong train?

hand holding for both / all of you on this thread

He has phases

I am so bored of it now

Op- why has he gone to bed? He should be on a mates floor somewhere- for once at your behest! Don't wait until tomorrow. Use your anger to get you through step one, and then use the huge sense of relief you will certainly feel to Follow through! Once you have made that decision, really and truly in your heart, you will probably just feel a huge sense of relief. I expect you have already grieved the relationship!!

Thanks vezzie and grumpasaur. Train thing wasn't me.. I do wish he was actually was somewhere else eg. On a friends floor. I would feel less stressed.

Well, my advice- turn your wishes into reality! Chuck him out tonight.

He sounds so unbelievably disrespectful OP. I hope youand your dc go on to have a happy healthy life without that entitled twat.

Honestly, some of these men on here (my stbxh included). Can you imagine if we behaved like they did. Such utter disregard for their partner and children. It boils my blood, the sheer gaul of some men, it really does.

They prey on honest, women with good values amd morals because they believe once you've married them or had children with them they can get you to put up with almost anything.

You and your dc are better off without. Well and truly his loss. Although it may take him a while to notice whilst finding a way to get his head out of his own arse.

Couldn't have put it better myself ilovelamp.

So, I am up and about, as usual, looking after ds. Oh is in bed, and moaned at me for opening the curtains too early as he needs to go into work today and is tired.

It's all about him, isn't it?

What steps can you take today towards getting him out?

Morning Knackered

Have you spoken to oh at all about wanting to split?

I have heard nothing from mine

Good luck Knackered and mumof3. It is hard work making big changes but you sound like strong, effective, great women. I am sending you both good thoughts today. x

Yep, all about him. I would love to have a lie in, haven't had one for nearly 9 months.

Haven't discussed the issue with him yet mumof3. I definitely intend too and this time it won't be about how we can work things out between us. Do you know where your oh might be? Sounds as if he knows he as overstepped the mark this time but hasn't got the balls to face you. Bit like mine when he brought his mate round last night for protection!

Would love for him to leave but wonder how can I make that happen as we share the house? If not I am going to sleep in the other room from now on.

He will be at his parents house most likely

That's where he normally retreats too

Did you sleep in the other room last night?

Thanks vezzie x