Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

selfish dh

231 replies

exbrummie · 07/08/2014 11:41

I posted a similar thread in aibu a few months ago and got eaten alive,but thought i'd try here to see if people feel differently.
Dd works about 7 miles away in a place with a crap bus service,the buses are every hour(and that's after she has made her way into the town centre,about 2 miles from where we live).
She starts at 8am but because of the way the buses are the one at 7.50 gets her there too late,so she has to get the one at 6.50.
There are no buses from our house to the town centre that early so she cycles to town then gets the bus.
On saturdays dh refuses to give her a lift which would help her so much(i can't drive) because he has to get up all week and derseves a lie in.
He grudgingly does it on a sunday as the buses don't start until later,but this is on the condition that i get up on a saturday to get his paper so he gets a lie in.
Getting home on a sunday is also a nightmare as the buses are every 2 hours and it usually works out that she just misses one,and by the time she gets to town the buses have stopped running to wherewe live so she ends up walking the
2 miles home.
Again dh refuses to pick her up as he wants to have a drink.
I know the answer is she learns to drive which she is in the process of doing and she is an adult etc but to me it's about hepling someone out and being a nice person not a selfish one.
I have told him he is being selfish and so has his dad but he can't or won't see the problem.
It just annoys me so much when he won't help her out and i feel like he doesn't care.
I don't really know what i'm asking here i suppose i'm just venting.
Congratulations if you got through that!!

OP posts:
RonneandFrankie · 08/08/2014 10:35

If he's going to drive her once on the weekend, I would be more inclined to pick her up from work on a Sunday evening (especially depending on how busy the streets were and how dark it was when she finished work.)

I would also expect that the OP learn how to drive. It would be taxing being the only person in a household who could drive, especially if then your whole weekend was filled with "need to do groceries, need lifts to this" etc.

But if the DH is so tired working Monday-Friday, I imagine the DD would be tired too (assuming it's 5 days a week work) if she has to walk home late in the evening after work.

I don't have a problem with teaching your children to be independent and to look after themselves, etc, and yes, if she's got this job then it's her responsibility to get herself there and back. But one night a week, on a Sunday, when the buses don't run late...is it really so much to ask that a father pick his daughter up from work? And push his Sunday night drink back half an hour? My concern would be that this is teaching DD that you only have to look out for yourself, and that family members shouldn't bother doing things for each other unless there's a trade off (OP getting the paper Saturday mornings.)

Also, I don't know how it works in the UK, but could DH use these once weekly trips as driving lessons for DD?

That being said, DD is an adult. Maybe she could offer to buy her DF a six-pack every now and again for his Sunday drinks, cook dinner Saturday night, or any other small favour like that. Just to show appreciation. Because that's what adults and family members do to help each other out - they're all living in the same house. Although this isn't a reflection of the whole dynamic, it sounds a little bit tit for tat.
I wonder what the DD thinks of the whole thing?

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/08/2014 10:45

at 18 I did:
Walked 0.6 miles to the train station
1.48 hours on three trains
1.5 mile walk to work to be there by 9.

At 5 I the the reverse.

I used to have to leave home at 6:00 to get there and was getting home around 9pm.

It's a 7 miles - she could easily cycle herself or get a moped!

If this is about something else then fine, but don't make it about that trip!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/08/2014 10:52

I wonder what the DD thinks of the whole thing?

I wondered this too. She might have accepted long ago this is how it is and it's actually mum feeling powerless about other stuff picking up on this and using it as an example of how differences of opinion get aired (or not) at home.

exbrummie is your DS still at school/at home? Posters here have said your DH is outnumbered by dependents.

exbrummie · 08/08/2014 11:07

Just to let people know i'm not being rude if i don't answer from now on,but i'm just trying to do what someone suggested earlier in the thread and letting this post drift away.

OP posts:
LittleLadyFooFoo · 08/08/2014 12:56

Hope you are ok OP and that things work out for the best.

Ivehearditallnow · 09/08/2014 20:08

Let it drift away OP but I hope you've taken some of the advice on board.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread