Caught in the act . Mortified.

[SickOfAnts]

Have once again turned to MN as in RL there is only DH to talk to.

The barebones of the story are that DH and I were caught in the act yesterday by our DDIL and the ramifications seem to be totally over the top.

We've had a stressful couple of years. Our relationship was put into question over an event which happened nearly 30 years ago, was a horrid time and still now it is in the background.

Last year our DS1 announced that his girlfriend was pregnant, they're both students in pretty full on studies. We supported them 100% and i gave up work to look after our beautiful GD.

Yesterday we looked after our GD, DS and DDIL are on holiday from uni but we offered to give them a break.
DH came home for lunch and we fawned over DGD for a while and then put her down for her siesta.
One thing led to another (consenting adults in their 50's) and to cut a long story short DDIL arrived (very quietly) and caught us in a compromising position.

Mortification is not the word.

She went into the kitchen and DH spoke to her/apologised.
She was all kinds of embarrassed.
She woke up DGD and went home.

Since then all hell has broken loose. DS can't trust us to look after DGD, if we can't hear DDIL coming in then how could we hear a baby crying?

I could die. I feel dreadful.

DH has pulled rank and has basically told DS to just drop it.

I feel sick.

Thankyou for reading this far. I know this is a total non story but it's very upsetting and embarrassing for me and i needed to share.

I remember you too, OP! (name changed since then, I was that scarlet woman of the village in those days)

I'm afraid I've only read the first few pages and the last page…but my view is you should be totally unashamed about this as much as possible when having been caught by anyone in a compromising position The baby was asleep. You and your DH were having your own 'siesta'. How were you supposed to know your DiL would come into the house? Once she gets over her embarrassment and has a giggle with your DS about it they will probably be embarrassed at their over the top reaction.

If, instead of doing the deed, your husband and you had decided to go and get some old suitcases out of the loft or something and hadn't heard DiL come in, she would not have reacted in the same way. It is because you were having sex and any prudish feelings about that she has or DS has are their own issue.

As the well-respected mother of the family you are, and the leader by fine example, you should be unashamed about the healthy and happy sex life you and your DH enjoy, and lock the door next time DS and DiL should be so lucky to get to their 50s together and still want to get down to it at home in the middle of the afternoon while the baby is asleep.

They'll get over it.

Oops may have missed something by not RTFT have just read this: This of course is teamed with the abominable scene she witnessed.

Er…you weren't at it on the kitchen table or tied to a chair something were you?

It wasn't an 'abominable scene'. Nor was your DIL embarrassed by a 'situation of your making'.

You were not expecting her. She was two hours early and arrived at your home. You are perfectly entitled to have sex or walk around naked or whatever in your house.

And your DS is not 'protecting his wife'. He reprimanding his mother for having sex with the man she married in their own home. Sure, he doesn't want to think about it but it is ridiculous to try to paint you as some kind of villain for doing so (even more so when he hasn't done the same with his father who was equally involved in the daytime shagging).

CalamitouslyWrong

Abominable is not a strong enough word.

We were not engaged in anything in the slightest devient.
(Chance would be a fine thing!)
Put it this way....DIL walked in on me with my mouth full and eye contact was made.

There, i've said it.

(Very candid i know but i think maybe now you can understand my cringing discomfort)

(Cue hysterical laughter from MNers)

IS THAT IT?

It's like a comedy sitcom moment, not a scandal!

Well, at least you didn't speak with your mouth full... now that would have been rude!

I know this has been said many times already but SickofAnts (excellent name btw :)) you have nothing to apologise for, and I actually feel rather cross with your son after reading this.

You supported your son and his wife through an unexpected pregnancy, without judgement, and have given up your job to care for your DGC so that both of them can continue with their respective courses.

THEY should be apologising to YOU, AND thanking you profusely for providing childcare without any conditions attached. Frankly, they should be treating you with a damn sight more respect than you are getting. How DARE they treat you like that and make you feel ashamed!

Perhaps a little reminder that they aren't in a position to be delivering priggish sermons on morality would be in order, too.

Ok I said I'd leave this thread but I feel surprised that people can't understand why someone might be pissed off to find their childcare at it. I get that it's during the nap blah blah blah but when it's your first baby and the World revolves them (In the parents' eyes) I can understand why parents would think there is something wrong with this behaviour.
Shagging (or whatever) is essentially selfish In this context because it is so NOT like putting the washing out. It is much more self-involved. I really think ds and DDIL should be cut some slack.

It's hardly abominable. It's your own private business. It belongs in your relationship with your DH, and your DIL had no business slipping into your home without a warning phone call if only to make sure you were there, and certainly once she arrived she should have said 'helllooooo - anyone home?' when she was walking through the door, when turning up unannounced two hours early.

If she has a problem with what she witnessed maybe she will think twice next time she wants to walk into someone else's home without warning and without an ounce of discretion. She is not a small child any more, with no obligations to anyone, or no expectation that she will display common sense or common courtesy. Any problem she has with what she saw is hers to deal with, to adjust to, to come to grips with.

FavadiCacao hits the nail on the head here when she comments on boundaries. Your DIL's and DS's are blurred.

I think even without the cultural/family expectations, it is upsetting. It would really upset me, I would feel horribly exposed and, yes, mortified. I'm not surprised you've cried, I would too. DS with his foolishness on top - the 'disappointed' silliness - doesn't help. He's being rather macho with that nonsense - did he tell you both he was disappointed, or just you. Foolish boy!

I also relate to having a passive default. I don't know the original story but it does sound as if your default is to apologise and feel ashamed? I'm not being blustery when I say you really have nothing to be ashamed of or apologise for. One may want to generally apologise for the embarrassment caused but that should surely be mutual: she could apologise for the embarrassment of walking in on you.

However, I have hosted young foreign students for many years and I have been subjected to met and lived with cossetted young people who come from cultures that protect them well into adulthood. We Brits may feel our way is right, and quote chapter and verse on it, but I can honestly say I don't think we have necessarily got it right if the end result is anything to go by.

BUT gratitude and respect for elders should be universal IMO, regardless of the culture. How is your matriarchal withering look going to fair now you have been chided for being 'disappointing'? You have done an awful lot for them which, though cultural, shouldn't be taken for granted.

BoffinMum

You sound like my sister!

When i described the circumstances she literally peed herself!
(Only a little bit. She occasionally comes on here and is now outed as having neglected her pelvic floor exercises. Karma anybody?)

and eye contact was made hahaha yes, I see, quite but hilarious

A blow job, is that it?

I mean, yes, that's embarrassing, but surely it could have been worse. Were you both dressed (ish)? I was picturing you butt naked humping away on the kitchen floor. Then when you said abominable I assumed one of you was in bondage and there was a bit of "Friday night" going on.

Come on, it's cringeworthy, of course it is, but not worth all this drama. Why on earth are they so upset re the baby?

FantasticButtocks

Vair hilaire indeed !

ToffeeMoon

I posted the details for you dear!

Please don't be disappointed now you've got them!

(Minimal nakedness involved. I was wearing a skirt )

A blow job is hardly shocking. I can well understand why you didn't want to have an audience, but it's hardly a strange and unusual fetish.

I think the key thing here is that they're not 'childcarers'. They're grandparents who've made big sacrifices to help out by looking after the baby. If you want staff, you need to pay them.

Ahem, it was an act of mutual appreciation.
Let's get a little perspective.

Still hardly him dressed as a baby and you breastfeeding him.

Did i forget to mention that bit?

69? Oh granny... I don't know what to say.

But they are in the position of being the child's main carers at that point in the day. I think it's illogical to say that because they're not being paid you shouldn't be upset that they're doing something you find unacceptable (even if erroneously) when in charge of your child.

erroneously?

how can a blow job be erroneous? That's a might big trip on rug that must have happened while yawning with an open mouth