Secrets we want to tell but can't

[LizzieBelle]

There was a thread on here a few months ago which was full of confessions and secrets that we can't tell in real life...My secret is that I know the neighbour on one side of me is having a naughty affair with the neighbour on the other side of me. As soon and the husband goes to work and the kids go to school she's off with the single dad on the other side of me...

Has anyone else got a secret??

Why thank you aj and DE

OK, finally read the rest of the fred. Crikey, the condom removers! Yes, that's assault, and I think it's technically rape, as well (certainly the sex you consented to wasn't the sex you had).

Here's more of mine. Sorry, not as much fun as the car hire thing, and not as juicy as some of the other affairs stories, but it's not at all uncommon to have a "leaving affair". I was in an abusive relationship (EA and FA) and that's how I made my emotional distance.

Shagged 1. a co-worker, 2. a thesis partner, then, after then- D H had dragged me to some place he'd knew would make me desperately unhappy (he claimed it was his only post-degree job offer: I call bullshit), I went on singles websites and met a few men, but didn't manage to DTD. I also, at this time, went "car shopping". No, literally, used to just go out and test-drive cars that had manual transmission (unlike 95% of the cars in that crappy stupid country).

He found one of my print-offs from the singles website and that argument led to me leaving him. I don't think I could have just upped and left with "no" reason. I'd had loads of print-offs, then destroyed most, then I damn-near left this particular one sticking out of my bag. I'm sure he'd gone snooping anyway.

So, the irony (and secret) is that I got away with a couple of years of shagging, but left because of evidence of the shagging I didn't do.

And, you know, I actually hope he reads this. The stupid misogynistic shit. It's near-15 years, and I've been happily in a loving, wonder (and open!) relationship with DP for 11 years now, and I still hate ex's fucking guts.

Steam im so sorry you went through an EA and FA relationship.

But i am happy you are in such a good relationship now.

My own experiences have led me to seriously doubt and even hate monogamy. I now see monogamy as a kind of "ownership" of women. I no longer believe in it.

Do you not expect your husband to be faithful to you Darkest? Would that be equivalent to 'ownership' of men?

I havent really thought about it considering he hasnt even held my hand since 1996.

I was too busy trying to work out how and why this was happening. Too busy attending slimming world and losing ten stone only to find out it didnt make any difference! Too busy working in a sex chatline office listening to other peoples fantasies knowing there was a distinct possibility that this part of my life had ended while i was still in my fucking twenties! Too busy dragging myself into work when i developed gallstones due to losing weight too fast and crawling and screaming on the floor in pain and having my boss cut my hours and then eventually dismiss me because of it. And i HAD to do all this because DH could only work part time due to his arthritis. Which is not a disease that stops most people showing affection!

So if we are going to talk about men i wonder how many men would have done all this in my position.

And he didnt develop his heart problems until TEN YEARS after the affection and sex stopped.

And when there is no affection sex or intimacy how can there be sexual jealousy. It simply doesnt work that way. its too simplistic to say that it does

Not really my secret, but DD(18) and her longest standing childhood friend had a big bust up a couple of years ago. The friend spread lots of lies about DD trying to steal her boyfriend, and basically just blanked her.

DD confessed to me that her friend told her she loved her, and tried to kiss her, one night when they were alone in her room. DD told her she loved her, but just as a friend. DD was a bit surprised but not horrified or anything,(she already had a couple of lesbian friends). But her friend ran off, and never spoke to her again. DD only ever told me about it, and no one else, to spare her friend's embarrassment, and because she was still seeing a boy.

Anyhow, DD's friend went to university last week and came out! Which is great, and I think maybe DD can now explain to her circle what really happened between the two of them, and how she wasn't the bad guy. But DD says no. Just let it lie.

Your DD sounds like a lovely young woman Tinkly.

Darkest, it does sound like you've had an awful experience in your relationship. I think in a 'healthy' relationship monogamy doesn't feel like ownership because you expect the same treatment that you afford your partner. It doesn't feel unbalanced.

I have been getting botox for the last two years and haven't told my DH.
I have had 3 emotional affairs with 3 different men this last year.
One of them looks like it might be on the brink of turning into a physical affair and I'm not doing anything to stop it.
I don't really like being a mother. If I could live my life again I wouldn't have children.
God I sound like a dispicable person.

Have NC for this.

I was in Geneva on a work trip and was delighted to be checked into the hotel after an exceptionally early start and long day of meetings. I had a shower, poured a large gin and tonic and flopped on top of the bed wearing just a towel content to just watch a film and have a quiet night in. Have to confess to feeling a bit horny so I started to have a bit of a play, and why not, nice big comfy bed, soft fluffy towels, gin and tonic and all the time in the world. After a few minutes I got that feeling of being watched, I very slowly glanced across to the window and I had realised that although I had pulled the curtains across I had stupidly left about a meter gap in the middle which allowed someone in the room diagonally opposite and up one floor a perfect view of my activities. I was about to roll out of bed and subtlety close the curtains to this peeping Tom when I realised it was a women watching me. She only had the bedside lamp on in her room behind her so I could see her silhouetted a few feet back from the celling to floor window, she was draped in one of the hotel dressing gowns. Now, I have never been an exhibitionist but there was something that really turned me on about being watched by this women, she did not seem in a hurry to avert her eyes and I am pretty sure she did not know that I knew she was watching me. So I carried on having a wank and she carried on watching, she reached inside her dressing gown and started to slowly play with her breasts, which was nice, it was not long before I was doing a fairly good impression of the fountain in the lake a short distance away.

Was quite embarrassed afterwards and was a bit sheepish at breakfast the next morning wondering if the person who watched me was one of the women having a coffee and croissant in the same room.

I know that my friend's twat exh didn't get his new wife pregnant (clearly he believes he did). New wife was chatting indiscreetly with her ex in a coffee shop.
She (new wife) has no idea who I am. I'd been very suspicious of the whole thing (friend and ex had failed at fertility treatment over 15 childless years). Friend is now pregnant herself. With a much nicer husband.
The exH has been talking (on social media with a mutual friend) about wanting more kids. I am watching the situation with extreme gorish glee. How's she going to get pregnant again? Cheats attract cheats I guess.

Mrs Whiskerson Its likely my experience that makes me think the way i do.

I'm not sure what your current situation is with your H but I hope you can find happiness with someone who loves you for being you.

Thanks Mrs W

I think I was sexually assaulted when I was twenty. I know the 'think' is weird but I was sharing a bed with a male friend and woke up and he had his fingers down there. I woke up aroused but pushed him off when I realised. We'd been drunk the night before and It was share a bed or lie on the floor. We both decided that sharing a bed was okay and were fully clothed. I hardly spoke to him on the drive home and when I was off with him he apologized and said he was drunk. I accepted and forgot about it but ive started having flashbacks and my DH is NOT allowed ever to wake me like that as it brings back memories. Anyway, haven't told anyone before...

well done for telling now, TC. would talking to a professional help, do you think?

Timcook, yeah, no ifs about it: that was sexual assault. You didn't consent. End of.

Sorry if I sound strident. You can do as much or as little as you want with this knowledge; although women in general would benefit from the police giving this guy a visit and explaining that putting you hands in other people's bits when they're asleep is illegal, you're under no pressure to make this happen.

But I couldn't let this uncertainty go unanswered onna fred. Too many rape myths taking needing debunking.

Timcook exactly the same thing happened to one of my flatmates when I was at uni. Two girls were in one bed (fully clothed, a bit drunk but just wanting to sleep), one climbed in and they thought nothing untoward (the guy was a typical "good guy", well liked, had a girlfriend, though had a tendancy to get a bit gropey). The girls fell asleep and one of them woke up to find him touching her. She told him to stop, fell asleep again and woke again to find him still doing it. This guy is still part of the same circle of friends, but they don't mix as much these days. He was invited to her wedding so I guess was forgiven, but she spoke about the experience with disgust (though wasn't outwardly upset by it). I think it's quite common.

Every single one of us in our circle, male and female, thought what he did was bad but no one really made a big deal about it. Now I look back a decade on I am way more clear about how I feel, it is clear cut sexual assault. I am kind of ashamed of my inaction at the time (I'd not want to stay friends with someone who sexually assaulted a friend now), but I don't really know what I would do differently.

Rosesareblue Big hug. Not many can admit to not liking having had children. It happens though

I get aroused at any fresh body odour no matter where or who it's coming from.

I'm going to package it away again and forget it.

I should have done something about it at the time. All those rape myths that I hate come to mind. I was wearing a really short dress the night before, we were colleagues not mates, we were drunk and I let him book the B & B where my room magically disappeared and there were no other rooms by the time we got back. I'd asked him to take me to the function as his guest because I wanted to go. I knew he fancied me but had previously turned him down and thought he knew where the land lay. In the end it could have been a lot worse. I could go on and on.

Of course, I know now none of this was my fault but no one would have believed me at the time.

Tim what you were wearing DOES NOT come into it HE is responsible for his own behaviour and HE assaulted you.

He knew damn well you didnt want him

bump