Secrets we want to tell but can't

[LizzieBelle]

There was a thread on here a few months ago which was full of confessions and secrets that we can't tell in real life...My secret is that I know the neighbour on one side of me is having a naughty affair with the neighbour on the other side of me. As soon and the husband goes to work and the kids go to school she's off with the single dad on the other side of me...

Has anyone else got a secret??

Bag not only is your husband a cheating prick, the worst thing is that he considers you stupid enough to believe his lies. How little respect must someone have for a person to expect that ?

Any, if I'm right, of which I'm 90%, he's had zero respect for a long time given that his first 'meet' was April last year. It's all so sneaky and disgusting.

Why are you staying, love ?

Difficult at the moment to sort anything out. He's working away, head in the sand, yet to be resolved.

Ive never told anyone this before but many many years ago when we first moved in together in the early 90s in the days when we used to have sex DH liked anal. I said id do it with a condom. He got a bit over excited and whipped the condom off halfway through.

Ive talked about the no sex no affection thing online on here and to some ppl in RL but ive never told anyone this before.

Have you a thread, bag ?

No thread. This is my first post about this as the title hit the nail on the head.

OK bag

Maybe start one ?

LS i missed the condom thing this afternoon. In which case HE is at fault. NOT YOU.

Bag why is he denying it when youve caught him bang to rights.

Its like a form of gaslighting.

Not knowing much about the term gaslighting I couldn't say. But if it's making you think you're in the wrong and paranoid for snooping in the first place and then in turn questioning what you've found, then yes it could be.

you got it, bag

Thanks OiMissus. I just feel so unhappy with the way things have always gone for me. I am too scared to get close to anyone now.

I had no idea so many other people would have the same thing happen to them with a guy tricking them into unprotected sex. Horrible, isn't it? I felt so stupid to not have noticed. My guy's excuse was he "wants to cum inside me so we can share, it's more loving", and "he forgot how to use condoms". Idiot. He even kept coercing me into doing it when I was finding sex really painful, it would really sting when he came inside me and was awful. He said "You should go to the doctor because there is obviously something wrong with you, I haven't got caustic cum".

Actually that's my secret that I want to tell but can't, as I have no one to tell. The guy that everyone in my family thinks is my boyfriend for the last 7 years, I have refused to call a boyfriend because I was scared of being tied down to him, only now I realise the reason for this is because he has been horrendously abusive. My family really likes him.

Katee i find that post utterly heartbreaking. What a 24 carat bastard. And its not your family dating or living with him.

FUCKING MEN!

katee, you really need to get "Mark" out of your life x

I know. I end up feeling like the mean person though, and everyone will say "but he is so nice". And then the can of worms will be open. So I am trying to make it dwindle off into a friendship at arm's length.

Sometimes I just want to run away to Brazil or something. That will solve everything,

There are some good ones about. most people are decent .
Get rid of the shit and move on.
Find self respect, to yourself be true, love yourself... Then you'll find a good 'un.
Don't stop believing.
But it's better to be alone than to be with someone who is grinding away your self worth.
Be strong.

Running away doesn't solve everything.
Your family may be shocked, at first, but if they love you they'll be there for you.
(But if you're in Brazil, you'll be on your own!)

Yea for all my love woes I still have faith that there are good men :) Ever the optimist. I have male friends who are decent people. I just only seem to attract the bad eggs.

I have said so many times "I just want to be single for a bit", but there is always a guilt trip, accusing me of wanting someone else, threatening to harm himself, some sort of drama. I have finished the relationship in terms of sex and love, said things have gone too far. But he still wants to play boyfriend and girlfriend, still kisses me in public (I hated that even when we were "in a relationship"), still gives pleads "Can I have a hug?" if I am upset about something... So I've ended it, but nothing seems to have changed.

I'm not even scared of being single. I am fine with my own company, hate sharing a bed when all I want to do is lie like a starfish and listen to the radio, not have someone insist on me hugging them while I try to get to sleep, and turn my radio off when it comes on in the morning. I am quite intolerant. If I ever do find a partner it would be nice if he also believes in separate rooms.

Anyway, enough hijacking...

My family is not a supportive, talk-y kind of family. And when I had other issues they totally betrayed my trust. That's a whole other thread! I don't think they love me. Superficially we get on but there is no one I can talk to about serious shit.

Bag I'm so sorry, it's all very fresh then :(
Please do start your own thread if you can, you'll get some fantastic support.
Yes it's gaslighting and he's also simply being a fucking arsehole. If you think that by waiting then he'll eventually give you details - I'm sorry but chances are he won't. He's had time to concoct his story and straighten the lies out in his own head.
I'm sorry to have to say it but you need to get yourself checked out at a GUM clinic lovely, just to be sure :(

Katee my family are the same. Any male they think the sun shines out of his backside.

Any female however............

Katee That is truly awful. Your family aren't in relationship with him. Please get out if you can. Do it for yourself. You deserve better X

Ha sounds familiar. I'm the only girl out of 3, I am the only one who is totally fucked up. I have a feeling this is nurture rather than nature...

Katee I think that as women we are fed a LOT of mysogynistic bullshit about relationships. WE are the ones expected to work on them Ever heard the vom inducing phrase "its a woman who holds a family together" Ugh.

The Gov is currently considering making emotional abuse a crime. Quite often the victims OWN families and in laws collude with the abuser to try to force the victim to stay with them. This NEEDS to be featured in any legislation that is implemented.

I've always been one to do my own thing but I guess I took my queue from my mother who married the most horrific bully of a man, my former stepdad. He said I needed to learn how to make a fry up, he said to me "when you get married and get older your husband will expect you to make a fry up for him on a Sunday". I, being quite feminist and outspoken, said "Er, I'd tell him to make it himself". He replied "If you said that he would punch you in the mouth". Lovely. I was 12 at the time. Ugh I was so determined that I wouldn't put up with a shit relationship, but I ended up so needy that I slepwalked into one. I'm trying to stand my ground. I keep bringing up all my reasons why when he says I just need to let him love me. He keeps trying to minimise them, but I say it is not intense love, it is manipulation. Then he gets upset at me calling him controlling. Sigh. I don't even feel like I have to answer to my family, like people say they aren't the ones dating him. It's just their whinging will be another hurdle that I do not have the wherewithal to face right now.