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Original poster

Secrets we want to tell but can't

925 replies

LizzieBelle · 02/08/2014 18:35

There was a thread on here a few months ago which was full of confessions and secrets that we can't tell in real life...My secret is that I know the neighbour on one side of me is having a naughty affair with the neighbour on the other side of me. As soon and the husband goes to work and the kids go to school she's off with the single dad on the other side of me...

Has anyone else got a secret??

OP posts:
DollyDreamboat · 16/09/2014 16:00

Is that true Bit Shock

LSDeacon · 16/09/2014 16:06

AF so you feel what he did was worse??? I have always put him on a pedestal because he always kept me hanging around whilst I was waiting for him to be in a relationship with me. Including sleeping with other girls. I feel a knob when I look back.

But I still know that I should have told him BEFORE we had sex.

LSDeacon · 16/09/2014 16:08

BitOutOfPractice is that really true? I do not know anyone else who has it.

I guess I stayed with him whilst he was sleeping with other girls purely because no one else would want to be with me or be able to have children with me incase they catch it.

It is just a horrible dirty feeling you have. Life your life is over.

AnyFucker · 16/09/2014 16:19

LS, yes I do

I believe one should look after one's own sexual health. As far as you were aware, you were using condoms, thus universally protecting your own self and each other as far as is practicable . He made a unilateral choice to move that goalpost.

I don't like the sound of him. Has he been using your one panicked lie (about what is actually your own business, unless you were advocating unprotected intercourse) as a stick to beat you with ever since then ? Sad

LSDeacon · 16/09/2014 16:36

Because of what I did I never really felt able to challenge him on the removal of the condom.

We have been in a 'proper' relationship for two years now where he hasn't slept with anyone else etc. Before that then he would bring it up and say I am a liar etc.

Nowadays it doesn't get mentioned. In arguments though he has been known to use that as a 'trump' card so to speak. "Well I didn't give you herpes" etc.

If I was stronger back then I would have not stayed with him. Or rather hung around waiting until he was ready to be with me.

AnyFucker · 16/09/2014 16:38

Oh dear, LS. That sounds truly shit.

LSDeacon · 16/09/2014 16:41

What can you do eh. Lol.

chaseface · 16/09/2014 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LSDeacon · 16/09/2014 16:58

I put him on a pedestal because he was everything I wanted in a guy Hmm

I felt incredibly guilty and felt that I had to make up for what I done.

I was 23 at the time and naive as anything.

FelicityGubbins · 16/09/2014 17:05

If he ever says"well I never gave you herpes" again, point out that he gave it to himself when he took the condom off so it's his own bloody fault

LSDeacon · 16/09/2014 17:08

You guys are being so nice. This is the first time I have spoken about it. Thank you.

KateeGee · 16/09/2014 17:18

LS, something similar happened to me, when I was also 23 and also naive and keen to be loved. I have just posted a thread about some of it, but omitted the fact that at one point I got a treatable infection.

In fact two men did the same thing to me. Knew I didn't want unprotected sex, did it anyway - one without me realising, another without me wanting to - I resisted but he went ahead. Why I was sleeping with two men at once is another messed up story. Anyway, one of them gave me an infection. One was really horrible (I suspect it was him), told me to go away and was basically a cunt - this was before I even found out about the infection. I got tested, told the other guy the bad news and he was forgiving - said he will get himself tested, luckily he didn't have anything etc... but to this day I don't know if he lied, maybe he infected me after all. I ended up in an insidiously abusive relationship for seven years and have only just realised this, and it has done me untold damage.

Both men were the ones in the wrong for having unprotected sex with me against my wishes. I am having to work hard to stop feeling guilt but I was not in the wrong on this occasion.

You were not in the wrong either. Your now husband was. The fact that he still calls you up on it, well he is the cunt.

LSDeacon · 16/09/2014 17:29

Katee thank you for sharing your story. Why do you feel guilty? And how do you feel now regarding that period of your life.

KateeGee · 16/09/2014 17:40

Why do I feel guilty? Very good question.

Guilty about putting myself in the situation in the first place. Guilty about not getting mad at either of them. Guilty about letting the second guy continue to use me for the rest of my 20s. I feel guilty for putting both of them at risk by putting myself in a position where two men were having sex with me on separate occasions, though really both of them are the ones that put all three of them at risk. I feel guilty for forgiving guy number 2, when really he is no better than guy number 1. I feel guilty about hating myself for it. I feel guilty about the fact that it's just another illustration of my terrible sexual and relationship history, and the fact that I can't just have a normal and balanced relationship. argh it's horrible.

I feel sad about it. Nearly everyone else I know had normal relationships in their teens and 20s. I just had weird, sexually and emotionally abusive ones and it has basically ruined me. I feel guilty about that, I must have done something to deserve or cause it, I am just trying to work out what.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/09/2014 17:42

LS I suggest you do some googling about the herpes virus. Infection rates in the US are generally thought to be 60-70% although of course most people don't know they have it.

You also need to understand that most people can have it for years or decades before they present with symptoms. So there's a real chance your DP didn't even get it from you.

If you told your friends you have it, I think you would be very surprised how many say "I have too".

Don't forget, any time you see anyone witha coldsore, you are looking at someone with a herpes infection. Do you think they are dirty or disgusting?

Honestly it is not dirty. You do not have a life sentence. Your life is not over. I think you need to drop your shoulders about it a bit.

KateeGee · 16/09/2014 17:43

Oh and guilty at my complete lack of self respect.

chaseface · 16/09/2014 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 16/09/2014 17:46

LS, it also makes me feel sad to see you describe yourself as "dirty". I am assuming you have done your research on how prevalent it is, how it is nothing to be ashamed of and these days can simply be controlled rather than suffered from so I won't patronise you further. But you should really, really believ what you read and don't let anyone make you feel lesser than you should be.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/09/2014 17:47

I bet if we had a thread asking how many posters had herpes you'd be very surprised!

AnyFucker · 16/09/2014 17:48

Raises hand

I consider it (now) a form of sexual assault. If the perpetrator contracts a STD from such an assault, he has only himself to blame.

CarbeDiem · 16/09/2014 18:12

Bag - Shit! It certainly sounds like it's him. What are you going to do?

LS I know it's forever, you sadly can't change that but there's really nothing to be gained from beating yourself over and over. You admit you fucked up and have apologised AND been forgiven for it. You were trying to protect partners by insisting on condoms - you don't NEED to give a reason why - the point is you tried.
I do agree with AF here - HE wouldn't have put himself in the predicament if he hadn't been so sneaky with the condom. For that he only has himself to blame. So next time he pipes up with the 'you gave me' kindly inform him of that. Of course he'll probably come back with 'If you told me then I wouldn't have done it' but the truth is he shouldn't have fucking done it anyway.
I can only speak for myself but I don't think I'm alone here - We're not saying this to you to be 'nice' We're saying it because it's true. Xx
You are not dirty, please try to see that :(

usualnamechanger · 16/09/2014 18:12

Marking my place. Grin

chaseface · 16/09/2014 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bagoffrogs · 16/09/2014 18:45

Carbe, deal breaker. I've known for two weeks and wanted to believe him, but just can't get past it. I don't know who he is anymore and what he has been doing. Two DDs aged 6 and 4 would appear to not be enough for the selfish prick.

OiMissus · 16/09/2014 19:09

Katee - why ruined? We all make mistakes. But you've learnt from yours. I'd say that you're a success story! Onwards and upwards, lady!