Dating thread 77

[neiljames77]

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full.

before I think he meant that if he wanted a meaningless shag, he'd be seeing someone more local because it wouldn't matter who they were. I think the implication was that I am worth the 'effort' of traversing the distance or maintaining a relationship in spite of the distance.

Andcat I know... I did reply. I just said that he hadn't seemed to want to spend time with me when he was telling me about his date/checking his film; not speaking to me; couldn't bring himself to look at me. I told him that it had been a long time since I'd felt that sad or lonely. That I'd laid in his bed on my own and crying and that I wasn't prepared to ever let that happen again.

He's replied to that saying I'm always checking my phone (I do check quite often, but I'm not attached to it). I don't hide them from him - he could have read any of them. I quite often told him what htey said, they were also from my son.

He's just replied again saying that he made the 'date' up, I check my phone, and he isn't going through another miserable weekend and he wants more from a relationship than he's getting from this. He's ended it...

dont I want to be on my own and to one day have a relationship that is a lot less hassle!

I don't understand him at all Folk. Why make a date up? He sounds like a game playing child. You deserve so much better.

mini I might reply just to tell him I've had a lovely few months with him but that I agree it's not going to work going forward. I'm going to wish him well but make sure it's final.

I don't hate him. I'm just very sad.

dont He didn't say it was a 'date' he just described a day out a with a friend. Just one that sounded just like a date... Who knows. I don't know how much, if any of it, really happened!

I think he was just trying to make me feel jealous.

He sounds awful. Really awful. If he's like this after a few months can you imagine what he'd be like further down the line.

They fool us, don't they? They really can appear so perfect and then suddenly, you don't recognise them anymore. I'm so sorry it didn't work out Folk but that great relationship is in your future.

I keep thinking did I do the right thing with Mr Teacher? I did like him at first. But then there was THAT kiss and THOSE texts .

My ds said, out of the blue today, 'Mummy remember when we had lunch with Geeky? You're going to marry him.'

I'm off for my date with Walt - wish me luck! I'll report back later.

Yep, he was trying to provoke the 'right' reaction (in his mind) which was you declaring all sorts of positive things he was desperate to here. He must have felt hugely insecure (more than a dollop of irony there...) but was unable to convey it in words so maybe even his nights in alone not texting you were supposed cause a response of some sort in you. Sadly sending telepathic messages doesn't seem to be his forte...

He just sounds increasingly emotionally stunted and the dying throes of a relationship are never good and do tend to result in terrible behaviour and sporadic texts/email ping pong. I think we are all capable of behaving appallingly during the final Act; I know I did with the last one. The only time that I can make an elegant and unemotional exit from a relationship and leave them wanting more is when I want nothing more to do them on an emotional level (heart-shaped tissue man was the prime example).

I think you're right Folk to want to wish him well and acknowledge the good bits, when you are able to, and even though I'm sure you are, and will be, wobbly and upset I think you are handling this really well.

I'm supposed to be going out later (meet up group) so need to put on some slap but I'm slouched on the couch and need to talk myself into glamming up!

Having once been very fit and active I seem to be excelling at the 5k to couch programme these days.

He's emailed me again !!

Tellng me he wants more from a relationshp than I'm prepared to give...

He's ended it. Again.

Exactly how many times one relationship be ended over the course of a weekend

This is definitely him saying: "Pleeeaaase Folk , tell me you want me, tell me you'll do anything to keep me. Pay me some attention. NOW!!!"

Sounds like an almighty head f* to me!

Folk I'm so sorry. Your advice & support on here is so amazing for newbies like me and I've really appreciated it.
Hopefully we'll make you feel as supported as you do us.
Put simply, he didn't deserve you and had behaved atrociously.
Big hugs xxx

I agree with before's assessment of the situation, Folk. He sounds needy and is annoyed that you're not. You're handling this so well and with such dignity, Folk

Good luck on the date, AndCat. Make sure you update us!

Some one on Match just emailed me to say last time we spoke I'd been having some problems with my ex. I don't remember, but I think in the early days post-Geeky I got very drunk and told lots of men on Match all about him.... I'm glad I've moved on since then.

When he says he wants more from a relationship than you're prepared to give, Folk does he mean someone who will do all the running and basically do everything he wants them to do, with no thought for themselves? Because that's the impression I'm getting.

Right, went on a date with Mr N-B last Sunday a and despite having a crazy week this week/weekend, he was keen to meet up this week coming.
I just logged into POF & lo and behold he's online, so I fired off a 'hi, how was your week' text.
He replied in 15 minutes and described it, saying it was great but busy & he's skint now etc etc, ending it with 'hope yours has been good too'. No questions, no indication of meeting up again etc. so do I initiate the next date? I have a feeling he'll reply with a 'look you seem like a lovely girl' texts & I'm not sure I can handle it. I feel really really :( today and I'm just not brave enough to face it...
I really liked him, and the thought of yet more first dates...
Any advice?

My view on this gooeycookie is that men will ask you if they are keen enough. I'm a traditionalist, but I wouldn't ask. Either he'll say yes, but will be lukewarm about it, or he won't. If you leave it, he might come to you anyway.

Hmmm, so I could just reply with a review of my week and leave it at that & hope he makes the next move?
I think I'd feel better doing that.

I would, gooeycookie. He knows where you are. If he thinks you're a potential he won't let you go. If he does, more fool him. I've never got anywhere by chasing men. I like to think of myself as a creature unlike any other and let them flock to me.

That sounds like a lovely evening with slow, jarlin.

Gooey, Don't is right - he'll ask if he wants a second date. If you have to find out his answer now then you'll have to take a deep breath and ask him. You do need a tough hide for OLD and sometimes a break is necessary before you can go back into the first date fray.

If he's skirt then that could be why he's not keen to meet up at the moment?

Skint not skirt!

Haha, the old CUAO... The Rules have sadly not yet worked out for me!
I've sent a polite chatty message back but that's it. Let's see what happens. Thanks for the advice!

lottie yes maybe, I did wonder that too. But there's lots of things to do that don't cost the earth... Keeping my finger's crossed.

Good luck Gooeycookie. I'm not big on the rules, but I won't ask a man out on a date. And I don't message them first either. I think letting them come to you does protect you from rejection.