Dating thread 77

[neiljames77]

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full.

Folk i'm horrified on your behalf. How utterly spineless and crap of him.

How very dare he treat you like that.

Fucksake, if I was as callous as this to anyone, i'd not sleep for a week! I'd not live with myself.

I shall go out with my friend this afternoon as planned, I shall watch the film I was watching before RockGod called me and go to bed early so that I can get up early and put in preparations for meeting MrKeen.

Gosh what a load of horrible messages so sorry everyone I've been there several times and given up dating because of fear of rejection. Folk it really is not you! X

Folk it's not you it's him...& he's definitely not the one for you!
But do remember you went into this not thinking he would be the love of yr life but something less significant -,as he has turned out.... a,conversation is two-way - did he expect you to make a speech?!

Mini I think you're right.

I have a busier social life than he does. I have wondered if he was perhaps trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. Not that it was required. I do go out a fair bit, but he had met all but 3 of my friends. And to show me what it felt like to be with someone who has 'options'.

But if he was just trying to show me how he felt, or whatever, rather than trying to end it in the most spectacularly cruel way I've ever encountered, then it backfired remarkably.

Folk please don't think it's you being not good enough for him - the way he behaved towards you at the end shows that it is him who is not good enough. Relationships don't always work out - it doesn't mean that what happened during the relationship wasn't real. But the way someone ends it can show you a lot about them. Encouraging you to come over just seems really cruel when he seems not to have had any intention of behaving kindly / thoughtfully / with respect.

Hissy - sorry you have had such an out of the blue text, though if it's any comfort, better that it happens at an early stage if this is the kind of person he is.

After dabbling on and off in OD for a while, previously for fairly casual but ongoing liaisons, and for the last 18 months looking for something a bit more meaningful - I had my 4th date with someone yesterday. He is amusing, attentive, affectionate, texts regularly with bantery nonsense and seems like a decent normal guy. I like him but am not sure if it will develop into anything more than like for me. Though he said he was falling for me, so I feel mean if it doesn't. I just don't know if I'm even capable of falling madly in love.

Folk the words complete cock spring to mind. What a twat

mariposaazul No, you're right. I wasn't looking for The One and it wasn't supposed to be forever or anything like that.

I didn't expect this, though.

Folk any man who resents an aspect of our life is not one to stay with.

If you can soothe your disappointment that he turned out as you predicted to not being long term, and that he wasn't ever going to amount to anything more than that. You gave him a chance to up his game, he couldn't.

We have to accept them for what they are, as they are and not be disappointed when they are exactly that.

I had the same issues with my family. I got hurt when I expected my dm to be anything else than emotionally absent. The fact that I expected her to change her spots was the reason I got hurt.

It was hard to hear at the time, but it was true.

Do you have plans for later? Could you arrange something?

I would have driven home last night, but i was tired, had had a couple of glaaes of wine and, foolishly, hoped that a new day would shed a different light on things.

It was like being with a stranger I just didn't recognise him.

Folk you're a very intelligent woman and you must know in your heart that this break up is not because you're in some way inferior. Your relationship ended for many reasons but all with one theme (and it's not you). He moved further away from where you live, not to escape you, but because he wanted to live there and is so self-centred that he didn't consider the fallout. He refused to travel to see you because he is a self-entitled, self-centred arse. He refused to see your friends and family (and I would bet that he's not so enamoured with children despite his claims) because he is a self-entitled, self-centred arse. He was cowardly and spiteful today because last night you did not fawn over him, offer him sexual favours for a crumb of his affection or bow to his despicable emotional blackmail with the outing to the park and the sudden onset of Phone Glue Syndrome. This is because he is a self-entitled, self-centred arse and not because you are unworthy. If you were unworthy he would not be so spiteful - he would not have been so vengeful by letting you go there. He wanted you to see his hurt and react to it. It says a lot about how strong you are, with a good sense of self-worth, that you met his vileness with dignity and did not allow yourself to be manipulated.

Hissy I know. I'm not heartbroken. Just very sad and disappointed. There could have been so much more life in this before it ended. And the fact he did what he did. I just don't get it.

The saddest thing is that my exH has been staying in my house with the children this weekend for a number of reasons.

I texted him to tell him I was on the way back. He just replied with, "are you coming all the way back just for my tea and crumpets?" He asked nothing, but tea and crumpets were waiting when I got back.

Everything before said!

That's nice Folk. :)

It's the disappointment that hurts. I'm not talking about this 1-date guy of mine, but it's the end of hope for more that cuts so deep.

This time next week love... we'll be fine! and i'll be either sat on a beach, falling off a surf board or gasping at the frigidity of the Atlantic.

Thank you Before. Once again, I think you're spot on.

I do still think I'm inferior. I don't think he'd have taken the risk if I was more of a 'catch' but that's a different matter.

I think you're right. He is quite self centred. I did say to him the other day that he couldn't say the increased distance made no difference to me but every difference to him.

Hissy That sounds fab. Enjoy yourself whatever you do. I've got a few weekends freed up ahead of me now when I'd planned to see him. So I think I might take the children away for a few extra days to the seaside

Not that I'm considering it, but this morning, for the first time, I understood why women who've had bad relationship experiences or low self esteem choose to have affairs with married men.

At least with them, they've already proved themselves to be an untrustworthy, faithless bastard and you know they won't commit to you. I suppose there are no surprises!

Folk I've just seen your latest post. How utterly horrible. This man sounds absolutely awful and you will be so much better off without him.

Gosh what is wrong with these people?

Anyway. My new plan for the afternoon is to go and buy some new running clothes, take some stuff to the tip and blast the block paving.

I was planning on having some sex. But I suppose that's off the cards altogether now. Oh well...

Sounds like a plan Folk. I love running clothes - they're so funky! What's your distance?

Haha it's Couch to 5k week 1 run 1

I did get up the 5k a couple of years ago when I did it, but stopped for a number of reasons. I think I might start back from the beginning and see how it goes...

He's just emailed.

To tell me it was really important to him that we spent this weekend together and that he would have found someone local if all he wanted was something shallow and meaningless.

I don't think he was trying to dump me. I think he was trying to make me feel a bit shit and unsettled. Well it worked. I hope he's pleased with himself.

But WHY behave so badly then?! He seems very childish & self-centred & now it's like he's trying to blame you for how the w/end went whereas him finding an alternative activity on the Saturday of yr w/end is what did it...not clear why you didn't call him on this when you were there?

Folk he's coming across as very insecure and emotionally immature - he needs some of your wisdom. Plan A didn't work (last weekend's hand grenade), Plan B's heat-seeking missile didn't work on Friday and Plan C has resulted in monumental collateral damage - he sounds like he never left his teenage years in terms of emotions.

So if I understand your post correctly, because you mean so much to him he allows you to drive over to his place because he won't come to you but if he had just wanted a meaningless shag he would have booked a hotel near where you live...

Folk, so it was important to him that he spent the weekend with you ... but he told you he was doing something else on Saturday. He tells you not to contact him ... but contacts you the very same day. Is he playing games? Does he have no idea what he wants? I'm finding it hard to see an explanation for his behaviour.

Why does he want you to feel unsettled? Because you have more friends/more of a life than him? But it seemed to me that you were keen to make time to see him - it wasn't as if you never had time for him. And surely he can't expect (or want) to meet someone with no life at all.

Have you replied to his e-mail?

It's all about him, isn't it folk? What about what you want?

Oh my god I can't believe he is still
Carrying this behaviour on! Are you going to reply? God knows what's going through your head now. Don't rush into things either way. Just think it all through. Which is clearly what he didn't do.