Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 39 40

Original poster

Dating thread 77

999 replies

neiljames77 · 20/07/2014 03:26

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full.

OP posts:

LittleBlueMouse · 20/07/2014 18:31

Hi, All. Sorry I haven't been around for a while, I'm just off to look at the previous thread and try and catch up...so much happening.

Glad you had a nice holiday Neil.

LynseyPynsey, you might be a mum but that doesn't mean that you must remove yourself to a convent after a split. Have fun if that is what you want. Go for it.

I have split with Mr Contradiction. Too much stress, a roller coaster ride that left me dizzy and disorientated...and not in a good way.

Now I have a dilemma, I have been talking to this guy who is 7 yrs younger and very nice looking since May. I have been out with him twice last week and in daily contact all this time. He is sensitive and generous, kind, open and very emotionally articulate. We are looking for the same. However, yesterday his father was taken into hospital, I text back to say I was thinking of him today and I got a very short sad response. Now, I know he is worried and has more important stuff to deal with, I just want to know, should I leave it. Usually we have been in contact throughout the day, maybe ten/fifteen texts!! Or should I just leave him to it and wait for him to text again later/somewhen/when ever. I haven't responded to his last text because I feel I am intruding too much but equally I want him to know I still like him whatever is happening in his life. What should I do?

Pinklaydee1302 · 20/07/2014 18:32

Yes true, I was same with my ex husband at first when I met him but I persevered because I fell pregnant and ended up growing to love him and he was the longest relationship I've ever had!

Original poster

neiljames77 · 20/07/2014 18:38

LittleBlueMouse - I'd leave it for now just in case he thinks you're being insensitive. You've already said he's in your thoughts.

OP posts:

Pinklaydee1302 · 20/07/2014 18:46

Little blue I think you should just let him know you're there if he wants to chat and leave it to him. Just text then tomorrow to see how he is etc

BeforeAndAfter · 20/07/2014 19:07

Littleblue I think you should text him tomorrow to say that you're thinking of him and should he wish to talk that you'll be there for him. It's a tough one to know when too little communication is too little such that he forgets about you and, conversely, if you're bugging the hell out of him at a sensitive time.

In your shoes I'd probably leave him be for a few days after tomorrow's text and then send him a "thinking of you and hope all is as well as it can be" text.

I seem to be crap at this so maybe do the opposite of what I suggest - [helpful face...]

Minime85 · 20/07/2014 19:26

I agree littleblue I'd leave him for a few days. You've let him know you are thinking of him

LittleBlueMouse · 20/07/2014 19:56

Thank you everyone, I have been so conflicted. I thought if I didn't respond to his last text he might think I don't care enough at a time when he might need to know people do care, on the other hand I don't want him to feel conflicted, he needs to just deal with what is most important. Thank you, its nice get another perspective.

pink I think sometimes those people that grow on us more slowly stand the test of durability. Taking time to get to know someone has all the benefits of evaluating every facet of them. When you do fall for them, you know its not just lust. Although lust is good Not sure how you handle bedroom problems, sorry have no wise words.

LittleBlueMouse · 20/07/2014 19:59

I will leave it until tomorrow and just send another "thinking of you" text in morning. I think he's a lovely guy. In the past I have played things so cool guys think I'm emotionally distant, even Mr C said I was cool and didn't show my feelings. Determined to be more open even if it makes me vulnerable.

Minime85 · 20/07/2014 20:02

Pink do u think it was the expectation because you were away that added to it? Do you feel any chemistry?

Littleblue I might send a night text if that is what you usually do every night

Well I've had my first social outing with mr pof with my work colleagues yesterday and he met my dcs today as my friend and we've had a great afternoon and Sunday roast.

LittleBlueMouse · 20/07/2014 20:05

Minime85, that sounds lovely. How did the Dcs like Mr Pof? have you got their feedback sounds like a lovely day.

Pinklaydee1302 · 20/07/2014 20:21

Aw that sounds nice Minime, things moving forward nicely

Yes I do feel like I wanted to get jiggy with him so there must be some chemistry and we have some nice kisses but I just don't know...the bedroom problems were that he didn't get aroused although he admitted he didn't want to rush things and was incredibly nervous too

BeforeAndAfter · 20/07/2014 20:31

Pink the man I love and want to be with more than anyone I've ever met (we are not together now) had bedroom problems at the beginning. He was totally aroused in his head and this was clear in his kisses and passion but it didn't translate to the crucial bit. I just backed off completely on the sexual side, just focussed on loads of gorgeous snoggage and snuggling and suddenly, boom, brain and nether regions caught up and he was quite the most amazing lover I've ever known... After a bit of online research I had set a deadline in my head though because the sexual side is important to me so I wouldn't have stayed indefinitely.

Pinklaydee1302 · 20/07/2014 20:37

Before - he did say to me that once he was ready it would be worth the wait

It's just strange as I not met a man like this before and just felt like he wasn't very attracted to me although I can tell he likes me a lot.

BeforeAndAfter · 20/07/2014 20:47

I remember the total rejection that I felt after the first, shall we say, let down... especially as he assured me it had never happened before. I really didn't want to be the mug at the end of a long line of women trying to fix him but I did believe him when he said it had not happened before, largely because he is so incredibly fit, physical and sexy.

That first night I cried from the rejection but then I thought about it rationally and figured he really wasn't rejecting me. Men like me, men want to be with me, they want to take me to bed. I could see no reason why he would be lying about finding me attractive so I did decide it was his problem not mine but that I needed to be around for a bit to see if would work. That said my feelings were not remotely half-hearted so maybe that's why I was happy to hang around. For me he is the most physically and intellectually desirable man to walk this earth so I was quite motivated to get my reward!!

Pinklaydee1302 · 20/07/2014 21:04

Thanks Before....well I think I'll give it bit longer then as like I say he's a decent guy if a bit of a waffler

LynseyPynsey · 20/07/2014 21:24

So ladies, have agreed to meet tinder guy after my driving lesson tomorrow which finishes at 7.30. No concrete plans as yet, said we'd finalise things tomorrow.. not sure if that's a good or bad thing though

louby44 · 20/07/2014 23:04

Ooo lynsey keep us updated - go for it!

Mr Keen has been texting me all day asking how I am, said he's disappointed we didn't have our fourth date. We've re-arranged for tomorrow!

I've just got in from a night with friends and he's online on POF! He's obviously chatting to someone because he's been online for ages! I've just sent him a message on there saying "still fishing then Mr Keen" - just a bit miffed he's said he's not been on there when he obviously has!

Minime85 · 20/07/2014 23:30

Oh louby let us know what he says...

louby44 · 21/07/2014 07:14

Mini he didn't respond to my POF message! But I've just woken up to 3 text messages from him which were in the form of a poem, telling me how he can't stop thinking about me!! It's just too much!

He's digging his own grave if he carries on! I'm seeing him today (we are both off work) so I shall see what happens.

Pinklaydee1302 · 21/07/2014 08:31

Well that be better face to face Louby to see his reaction when you ask him about being online.

It only bothers me if I really like them. I haven't even checked if mr postie still goes on. I'm not bothered either way. Maybe that's telling in itself

AndCatMakesThree · 21/07/2014 10:43

Louby, it will be interesting to see how today goes. Are you going to ask him about being on POF? I'm not sure how I'd feel about a poem after only a few dates - it would probably depend on how much I liked him.

Pinklaydee, I think the fact that you're not bothered if Mr Postie still goes on probably does say a lot. It's so difficult if you're not really feeling it, as you just can't force yourself to like someone. Maybe give it a bit longer and it will probably become clearer one way or the other whether you want to keep seeing him.

Meanwhile, I'm falling into the trap of over-investing before I meet someone. Let's call him Walt. We've been chatting for a couple of weeks but can't meet for another 2 weeks because of childcare issues, which is so frustrating. He sounds so lovely, I like his picture and we have a lot in common. But I've done quite a bit of OD and I KNOW that however well you get on with someone online, it doesn't mean we'll hit it off in person and that the chemistry will be there. So why can't I stop thinking about him?

SingleSock · 21/07/2014 11:46

Cat I am in that exact predicament myself except I haven't even seen his photo yet. He has offered to send me one and I'm just trying to decide whether to say yes or not because there's a running joke that it will be a 'blind' date.

He comes across as really genuine, he's so so funny, we've really clicked. I like him and have admitted as much. But then I read about others who have not clicked in RL and I'm worried that it's going to be a complete flop. Which wouldn't be that bad except we've both put pressure on ourselves by planning future things together. Silly in retrospect.

My track record with men isn't that great so that's not helping matters either. I don't know why I can't just say to myself that it's no big deal if there's no chemistry. I don't think it's just because I'll be a bit sad about it because I'll just get back out there but the thought of having to reject someone I find really really uncomfortable. I've broken all the official dating rules .

LittleBlueMouse · 21/07/2014 12:33

LynseyPynsey have fun

louby44 I think the poem is fine, the false protestations aren't. I would think the two combined mean trouble.

I have done the whole over investing before meeting thing. I have noticed that some men like to keep up the texting and messaging for a long while before meeting, building a rapport and testing out how how far they can go. I think some use it as a tactic, build rapport, make you feel invested as though it were the start of something special and them wham bam thank you. I have several that pop up every so often that I have never met. They go cool and then pop up again and expect you to know who they are. I avoid this now. Message, text, phone call, meet.

I text the guy I'm dating last night. He said he was miffed and a bit lost because he hadn't heard from me all day. He is very sweet. Anyway disaster averted .

AndCatMakesThree · 21/07/2014 13:27

SingleSock, it's so tricky, isn't it? Is your date this Wednesday? What do you reckon, are you going to ask to see a photo or not? Personally I don't like chatting to someone without one, as it's so disappointing if you've already built up a connection and then see a photo and realise there's no way you could fancy them. I really hope the date goes well for you, but try not to build up your hopes too much (says she, doing exactly the same thing! - it's so much easier to give advice to others!)

LittleBlueMouse, it sounds as if you did the right thing texting your guy last night. It's very difficult to know what the right thing to do is in those kinds of circumstances. How's his dad?

Pinklaydee1302 · 21/07/2014 14:01

Yep I've done the over invest before a meet too and the reality has never lived up to the dream in my case. It's a bit like reading the book and then seeing the film

Postie coming for tea tomorrow, will see how it goes but I'm really not excited I'm seeing him again. Wish I was

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 39 40