Threesome advice

[naicesex]

Recently, both DH and I have been thinking of having a threesome with another man. Quite nervous about the idea in actuality but loved the fantasy.

In the last week a man (quite by chance) has entered my life who I have really clicked with. I like him a lot and would really like to be the third person. He has agreed in principle to this.

Can anyone offer any sane and sound advice regarding threesomes?

I'm not a troll and this is a genuine question.

Nothing wrong at all with threesomes and quite sad that people come to such conclusions. Just he aware of the dangers etc.

And yes, having a third person who is an unknown quantity is the way forward IMO.

As mentioned, a big risk is the new guy is just a better lay that your hubby and he will be intimidated/knocked. I actually think that is a high probability as you will be something new for him unlike hubby. And yes, they will compete. May the best man win...!

My wife and I are swingers we have had loads of threesomes, mostly mmf but it's great. Just be sure about it and if either of you are jealous types I would advise against it.

Also it was my wife's suggestion we got into swinging.

Advice is only valid if its genuine and pointing out the pitfalls is valid.

Use condoms and another form of contraceptive, set the ground rules beforehand and agree to no contact with the guy ever again after this one off encounter. It is not a good idea if you and your dh are just trying to spice up your marriage or either of you are not completely happy in your relationship, it could end badly. If it was me, I would like to check that the person doesn't have any stds or other infectous diseases such as hiv/aids/hep c etc before going ahead especially if he was some randomer off the internet but maybe I'm just fussy!

Don't do it if either of you think your marriage won't survive it.

Imperial Blether - I was also curious about the mushroom stamping?

I just fucking googled it!!! When will I ever learn

The urban dictionary tells me that Mushroom Stamping is the act of a man hitting his penis on his partner's head/face after anal sex leaving a mushroom stamp behind...... and need a vomit emoticon

I just fucking googled it!!! When will I ever learn

my dh and I had an 18month period of swinging, and honestly it was bloody marvellous.

my advice would be to not pursue this one man, partly because you really click with him, and partly because you might feel pressured into it when it comes to it, having gone so far down that road and feel that you've promised so much et. etc.

my advice would be to get invited as a couple to a swinging party and meet other couples. this can take a while to organise, but most party hosts are nice people and there is generally a rule that no-one has to do anything they don't want to. you won't be pressured into anything, if you leather know it's your first time.

you can go and have sex with everyman there, you can have threesomes, have sex together ( which helps to break down some of the nervousness around getting good naked with other people) or just get very horny and go home and have sex together.

the most important two pieces of advice I can give are:

1. discuss in depth with your dh what you are and are not happy with and the same for him. make sure you both know what your boundaries are and always respect them.
2. have a safe word. choose a word that you can use to let your oh know that you are outside your comfort zone and that you need them to help you extract from the situation without hurting anyone's feelings.

hope that helps? i say explore it, but take your time, there is no rush and the buildup and planning is half the fun!! xxx

I did this as the 3rd person. It did not end well for the couple.

In my mind mushroom stamping meant stamping on a man's cock. Which imo is preferable to the actual description. Do people actually do that????

My mind is boggling at the idea of someone coming on Mumsnet for advice on threesomes.

It just seems so, um, bizarre random sweet, I suppose. 'I'll go and ask some Mums about it. They'll know'.

Google is more your friend, I'd've thought...

Thanks for the warning - there was a whole list, wasn't there? Hang on - oh here: 'anal/choke f*ck/slapping/mushroom stamping/bukkake.'
< boggles >

LEMmingaround - I absolutely agree - pointing out the pitfalls IS valid and I want to hear those two in case someone mentioned something that hadn't crossed my mind.

And there will be no mushroom stamping..

I mean, how hard must you have to hit the face to leave a mark? [boggles]

That's a teensy weensy bit patronising japanese some of the wisest, sanest and most EXPERIENCED people live here.

Japanesemargret - mumsnet is THE place to talk about these sort of things mums have sex too!!! Although really OP these sort of threads are the reserve of friday nights

I think youd need more than a threesome for bukkake

But I need to talk about it now! [stamps foot and pouts]

I shall start an oxo tower thread tomorrow night

If it were my relationship, I think I'd prefer to start at a swingers' club to see how I and my OH reacted to the being naked in public and to the opportunity of sex with others. However fine you both may be with the theory, that doesn't always work out in practice, and that could be really awkward if there's a third person there, and one of you feels you can't actually handle the reality of another person looking and touching, and it turns out some things are better left as fantasies which are unrealised.

In a club, you only have to do what you're okay with, no really does mean no, and you can watch what's going on without having to do anything. Or you could get right in there if you find it hot.

Whichever way you go, you need to talk about it beforehand, and have some agreement about how to call time on it if either of you isn't up for it or changes their mind, because it should be okay to do that at any point.

OP, you have come under some unfair criticism on this thread.

I agree with the suggestions of going to a swingers club first. Maybe invite the guy you met online there?

Set boundaries, contraception, a safe word and ensure that you both understand fully what you are getting into.

Yes my point made exactly. How do you know how to set limits when your sexual experiences are more naive than others....

....and in the throes of passion at the Premier Inn it might be too late to back out of something that random guy finds completely "normal" (for example the mushroom stamp or the donkey punch) and not worth mentioning during your "ground rules" or might just feel like he can push it because he's a bigger bloke than your husband and possibly a liar??? In seconds it could all just turn very horrible, couldn't it?

There's generally a reason why single men aren't allowed - pardon the pun - willy nilly into Swingers clubs aren't there?

And of course you've made a connection....he'll be anything you want him to be at the moment...caring, well hung, single, own teeth, anything really won't he?

I would second the Swinging scene, it looks more couples based, safer and more secure from a personal protection side. There's just the risk of STDs to think about. And there are several historical threads on that here on MN that you can search for.

Do either of you have children naice ? Together or step-children etc

Adding play partners can be heaps of fun, there are rules we used to use, back in the day when we indulged. These rules included;

• Hotels / their place only - not OUR bedroom.
• Condoms for vag and A.
• No emotional attachment - this is sport sex, not emotional sex.
• No hidden or private emails between us and our guest partner(s)
• We actually found that fours were better than threes.

Remember, it is SPORT only, no emotion.

• condoms for Vag and A

• how about protection from herpes, gonorrhea and syphilis from mouth to mouth kissing, oral sex, hand to genital contact?

Isn't oral sex the reason Michael Douglas gave for contracting throat cancer?

It's important to be aware of all the risks, especially the unseen ones. I remember the poster on here who developed chlamydia from hand to genital contact in a Swingers club, it was a very sad story.