Threesome advice

[naicesex]

Recently, both DH and I have been thinking of having a threesome with another man. Quite nervous about the idea in actuality but loved the fantasy.

In the last week a man (quite by chance) has entered my life who I have really clicked with. I like him a lot and would really like to be the third person. He has agreed in principle to this.

Can anyone offer any sane and sound advice regarding threesomes?

I'm not a troll and this is a genuine question.

Just make sure you've discussed boundaries, safety and contraception, then get on with it, I'd guess?

Can't see there's anything else to think about since you're just meeting to comingle a bit of body fluid and have an orgasm or two?

The red flag amongst all this is you say you've "clicked" and you "like him a lot". That suggests an emotional reaction and I would suggest it unwise to introduce a third party with whom you feel you have any kind of emotional connection at all. It could get complicated.

So you met him a week ago and within these 7 days he offered to have a threesome with you? And you just happened to have already discussed and agreed this with your DH? Ok.

My advice - use condoms, make sure everyone showers first and accept the fact that your relationship may well suffer. And have fun!

Dirtyskirtings Yeah that's fair, I have had an emotional reaction to him. Very very unusual for me.

Ehric we met on fetlife, conversations get to the point very quickly.

Aha! There it is!

Look, this will probably go one way - you will get attached to new guy, DP will get hurt, bad things will happen. Or you could end up as a sort of threeple, is your DP bi or poly inclined?

You should probably have said that at the start, it contextualises things a bit!

DH isn't bi at all. I don't think either of us are poly. This is so unusual for me. Cant remember the last time in real life I fancied someone who wasn't DH.

This has got 'bad idea' written all over it, hasn't it?

Ahh sorry, you're right - I did mention it in my second or third reply though.

I have had threesomes before. When all three people involved were all single, I would never do it in a committed loving relationship. To me it is a sign that 'something' is missing.

It was a bit of fun/something different when I was a free agent exploring sexuality and yeah it was quite good. However no sex can ever feel as good as making love to DP in a mutually caring and respectful relationship.

Obviously some people make things like this work but honestly, shagging someone you fancy who is NOT your DH is just a recipe for disaster IMO.

I suppose advice in the sense of things to avoid or perhaps things to do.

Er, really!?

I have had a couple of threesomes (MMF and MFF) and as others have said, if gets very tricky when feelings are involved which they seem to be in this case.

I too am intrigued how you ended up talking threesomes within a week but that's for another time. He is a man and would love the thought of a woman coming onto him so of course he would jump at it.

If it were me I wouldn't do it with anyone who either party had any a emotional feelings towards, do it in a hotel and don't make it a regular thing with the same third wheel. Hope that helps but enjoy!

He came onto me mystery.

Good advice re: hotel.

Hi OP
I've had some MMFs. I enjoyed them.

Here's some good advice from sex writer Kitty Stryker - she has some really great advice about the physical and emotional aspects of all types of threesomes.
kittystryker.com/2011/01/three-to-a-bed-revisiting-my-girls-guide-to-threesomes/

From my own experience I would say that one of the easiest scenarios to 'end up' in is the classic spit roast when you are giving one guy a blow job and the other one is doing you from behind.

That can actually get quite tiring plus they get all the fun. Make sure at some point that you have one guy pleasuring above the waist, the other one, below the waist.

Look up Natasha Braithwaite - she's a writer that's really into threesomes and she's on Twitter too. Very hot.
www.amazon.co.uk/Natasha-Braithwaite/e/B00H53A4S8

Also look up 'MMF' on Literotica.com for lots of fiction - that'll give you some ideas.

Also it's imperative that NO ONE at any point crosses any of the boundaries that you discuss before this all happens. That's when things can get emotional.

Let me know if any more questions - I'm hardly the world's expert but hopefully I can help.

Good luck - enjoy.

Main issues with threesomes:

One party not as in to it as other. One of the couples feels 'forced' to keep the other one happy, end up doing something they don't want to. Seems like this isn't the case here, so fair enough.

Jealousy. This one is a bit more relevant, especially as you seem to have a 'connection' already. Like most fantasies, the reality isn't always as great. Is your DH genuinely happy for you to have sex with another man? If halfway through, your DH said stop, would you be happy to do so? What happens if you want to do it again and he doesn't, or vice versa? Is this likely to be a one off or a continuing thing? Will there be resentment? Is there a likelihood you could fall for this other guy? Are you happy with your DH? (do not ever try threesomes if the original relationship is not totally secure). Don't answer those questions here, just think about it.

Logistics. You need to lay down ground rules. Any party can call a halt at any time. Will you have penetrative sex with new man or just oral/touching etc. You and DH need to be in agreement. He might think your just going to give other man a blowjob, while your intending to full sex etc.

The main thing is communication. If you're all on the same page and genuinely happy, then go for it. If either of you have doubts, or are unsure for any reason at all, then it needs to be stalled until it's sorted.

Oh & have fun!

Um, the red flags for me are

You don't know him at all, and he is not a friend of a friend so has no one to vouch for him

You're already emotionally attached to him and you feel like you clicked- that's going to be hard to untangled and it's effect on your DH

What about heading to some swinging clubs/parties to get a feel for the scene and then go from there, you will meet like minded people and be in a safer more open environment.

Threesomes are great. However I feel that now I am in a marital monogamous relationship, that part of my sexual landscape is in the past.

Good luck, be safe, be secure.

EDIT: Make sure at some point that you have one guy pleasuring you above the waist, the other one, below the waist.
That's the best way to keep them apart from each other too, if they don't want any bi interaction.

Stick to the fantasy? Threesomes are for people not in relationships who can have a giggle together, ie, students.

Wowzers!

Last three posters - this is exactly the thing I was looking for.

cava thanks for your solid advice and links. I will pursue.
laly I agree, we all need to know exactly what or what isnt on the cards. I know there is something that i wouldn't want to do in front of an audience.
nil yes i agree the fact there is no one to vouch for him is problematic.

I don't understand that spottybra

Man you meet on the internet invites you to have a threesome with him, presumably before either of you have met in person to see if you actually do fancy each other.

I always wondered what sort of women actually responded to them. Is there any chance you could give the rest of us some advice on what you said to ahem reel him in, so the rest of us might have some more success in avoiding this type?

I would say you fancy this bloke, and involving DH makes it seem okay.

If it goes well, you two will be meeting up for one to ones in no time, because your fetlife friend will soon want DH out of the picture.

That way madness lies.

Stay safe and insist on condoms.
How will you feel if hubby suggests a threesome with another woman. This may be the next step.
The Whole idea Sounds like hell to me but whatever floats your boat I guess.
It might be worth getting advice from others who indulge in this sort of fetish, perhaps on some specialist website as I think many if us on here have enough problems coping with a 'normal' one on one relationship without the complexities of a third party in the bed so we might not be the best people to ask.

Some good stuff said. Having no one vouch for him is no bad thing surely? Surely you don't want anyone who actually knows this guy to be in your friend circle? It's sex, you are not buying a dodgy secondhand car!

Also one of the boundaries should definitely be no photos or videos!!

Wow chelsy that was so totally uncalled for.

But please don't hold back on my account, so what am I then? Slag, slut or whore?

Sorry, still slightly reeling from comment at 18:14.

Anyway onwards....

Good point mysetery. I'm also thinking about the whole fancying/emotional connection thing. I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone who I didn't fancy.. And people I fancy I generally like. Hmmm.