Threesome advice

[naicesex]

Recently, both DH and I have been thinking of having a threesome with another man. Quite nervous about the idea in actuality but loved the fantasy.

In the last week a man (quite by chance) has entered my life who I have really clicked with. I like him a lot and would really like to be the third person. He has agreed in principle to this.

Can anyone offer any sane and sound advice regarding threesomes?

I'm not a troll and this is a genuine question.

Hi heyday I have suggested just that but he says he has no interest.

If it goes ahead then will use condoms.

Agree with punygod you fancy this bloke and want to shag him. You are involving DH to make it 'acceptable.' Just cut out the middle man and cheat n your husband, you clearly want to.

I don't want to cheat on my DH.

Have you met him in RL or just on Fetlife?

Yeah, thats why you are putting the facade of you 'both' wanting a threesome in front of it?

If it was DH who met a girl he fancied, wanted to shag her and suggested having a threesome so it wouldn't be cheating, would you be just as cool with that?

Yeah, having no-one who can vouch for a total stranger who pursues sex with another unknown women online, makes perfect sense

No one's called you a slut.

It's your fetlife friend who sounds like a sleazy, opportunistic shag-hound, frankly.

You just sound a bit...naïve.

Sorry, that 'another' shouldn't be in there.

I think the can of worms might open after the event...is your husband confident sexually? Does he tend to over evaluate situations?

I'm just thinking through the scenarios:

New man has much bigger penis
New man is better looking/better body
New man gives you bigger more explosive orgasms
You allow new man to do things you've not done before because your DH never thought you'd do them or aren't his thing (anal/choke f*ck/slapping/mushroom stamping/bukkake)
Your DH can't actually perform in the reality of the situation but new man can
New man wants a piece of your DH as well.....

It might be alright on the night so to speak, but the aftermath might not be so sexy.

Ok lucy have explained once! don't have to justify myself to you. You are obviously entitled to your own opinion.

null I think that's exactly what was being said.

We've exchanged pictures, body and face, I wouldn't do anything without meeting him first.

And before I get piled on, I would just say 'what about swingers?'

I think you're missing the point Lacey. OP says she wants to sleep with two men at once. It's quite a mainstream, common fantasy.

OP, another thought...is your fantasy specifically about you, DP and another man, or is it two random men but DP has to be one of them by default because youre in a relationship with him?

Would you be as comfortable if your DH wanted to introduce a smoking hot 19 year old lingerie model in as a return favour?

Because you'd owe him one wouldn't you?

How would it feel lying on the Travel lodge bed watching him staring into her eyes, rogering her senseless?

If you feel no possessiveness at the idea then I'd say go for it.

You could ask this guy if he is on any swinging sites. Many people are on multiple sites, so if he is on something like FabSwingers.com his profile might have verifications from other users.

An encounter like this, I'd always do in a hotel too - at least for a first time. It's just a neutral space with no emotional connections to any of you whatsoever.

Oh, PS, is this a straightforward 'all of you getting involved' threesome?

Some guys get off on watching 'their' woman with another man. If it's a cuckold thing then it's a different dynamic.

Apols if I'm telling you stuff you already know, BTW.

PS I've been called all the 'slut' 'whore' stuff too.

There's a book called The Ethical Slut.

They define the word as, "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you."

There's also a blogger called Any Girl Friday who puts it more succinctly: 'Slut is a word used by f*ckwits to describe women they are afraid of.'

If you go ahead I hope you all have a great time. x

Musty balls

I'm not missing the point I have had threesomes myself. But now I am in a committed and fulfilling relationship I wouldn't dream of it.

Sorry but personally I don't see the point in marrying someone, swearing eternal faithfulness etc then shagging other people.

If you have such fantasies then thats a-ok just get them out of the way before marriage.

NaiceSex - if you meet him.

Take your DH with you.
Make sure you meet somewhere public.
First meet somewhere normal for a cuppa - not drinks, not a meal. NO expectation of anything the same day as that meet.

If you're on fetlife then are you on a local group? Ask ask and ask around the local scene about the bloke and what he's like.

Discuss condom/dental dams all that shitzzle - discuss discuss discuss in great detail what you are happy with and what is on and off the table.

Talk talk and talk some more to your DH

and then think what you are opening yourself up to. you cannot undo this - once it happens it has happened. Are you going to only let your DH penetrate you or is full on sex with the other bloke on the table?

God it all sounds like such a lot of work. All the precautions, all the prep. And for what? Getting to suck some random bloke's knob.

Are you sure you wouldn't rather stick with the fantasy OP?

Not rtft so apologies if questions already asked.

Whose fantasy is this -yours or dh?
Will he be doing things with other man?
Can you guarantee there will be no jealousy issue?
What if your dh is comparing himself with other guy and feels inadequate.
why do you want to do this?

You have 'clicked' with this guy and you sound like you have emotions about it all - it turns out you haven't even met him just exchanged messages online!

Be prepared for a major let down.

Ive done it with dh and would do it again. Only do it if you are both up for up and dont get jealous. I think very few people would make me jealous but I will admit to being big headed and couldnt be made to feel inadequate.

I'd be wondering about the likelihood of picking up an STD. Condoms aren't the answer to everything.

I really don't think from the sound of the OP that they will meet the guy and then arrange a shagfest on another date; it's all heightened emotions, isn't it?

And I'm not going to Google it, but what's the mushroom stamping thing?

I've received some really good, useful advice. Thankyou to everyone who has contributed. I appreciate your time.

OP, I think you need to give a slightly more detailed background, before MNers can advise you on the likely consequences.

Was your DH fully included in your decision to join fetlife? Chatting to men on fetlife isn't exactly analogous to chatting to men in the supermarket queue. Women sometimes feel betrayed after finding out that their partner has been chatting on facebook with another woman, and fetlife isn't quite mumsnet or facebook. Perhaps facebook, an online source of guidance, and a hook-up site, all rolled into one?

I am concerned he may feel rather railroaded into agreement. If you were a woman posting this, and your husband had just happened to meet someone online, whether on match.com or fetlife, I think I would advise you to say no and I doubt I'd be alone.

DH does know I'm on fetlife and he is cool with it. Threesome is my idea.

But that's not really the original question is it? My OP asked if people had any advice. To be frank, I was really interested in opinions of people who had been there before.

Whilst there is some really good advice on this thread, I see that some if took the opportunity to put the boot in, or most shockingly if all, attempt to slut shame me.

I feel no shame for my actions, all I wanted was advice.

Nothing wrong at all with threesomes and quite sad that people come to such conclusions. Just he aware of the dangers etc.

And yes, having a hied person who is an unknown quantity is the way forward IMO.

As mentioned, a big risk is the new guy is just a better lay that your hubby and he will be intimidated/knocked. I actually think that is a high probability as you will be something new for him unlike hubby. And yes, they will compete. May the best man win...!