Did I do the right things by threatening to contact the police or was I OTT?

[CharlieBrookerScowl]

Broke up with my ex 3 and a half weeks ago. We'd been together almost 2yrs. At first he was angry and that was fine. I was very clear, everytime he asked in that first week, that it was 100% over. I had many reasons and felt he'd never change and I'd been very stressed and unhappy for months before.

The second week I'd asked him not to contact me and then got a few texts after that but he eventually left it. After lots of emotionally manipulative texts. I'm talking long essays about how sad he is/misses me & DS (not his and he was crap with him when we were together)/his family are upset/other kids keep asking after DS.

Then yesterday, after a week and a half of no contact (thank god, I thought that was it) he contacted me out of the blue with another guilt-trippy essay and begged me to just talk to him for a few minutes. It caught me off guard so I stupidly agreed as he said he just wanted to ask after DS etc (I am such a bloody idiot). He almost managed to talk me into meeting yesterday but I just said I couldn't handle it/didn't trust him not to try and beat me submission (not physically!) like he had been since we split. He really seemed to think enough harassment would win me back!

He sent lots of texts that I ignored after that begging to come over for just fifteen minutes and I was actually really creeped out all night. It was crap and every sound had me on edge (I live in a ground floor flat and needed the windows open as it was so hot)!

I replied in the morning saying please don't contact me. I asked you not to contact me before. To which he sent another essay begging to come over/we need to be together/give it a chance and I just saw red. I don't want to feel scared in my own home!! So I threatened to call 101 (and meant it). Was sent a reply along the lines of 'I can't believe you'd threaten that when I'm just telling you I love you' Err I asked you not to contact me twice, in plain terms and you're scaring me. He has form for ignoring me wrt to boundary issues anyway.

I wasn't being OTT was I!?

I'll explain it to the police when they come to do an interview/discuss it.

The content of what he's sent them is harmless but I'm not sure that's the point!

He's sort of saying one thing to everyone (accepting it's over, being 'sorry' well I never got an apology for the other night) and focussing on himself/moving on but then he's made a point to walk past mine after saying he wouldn't and messaging mutual friends about it (even though non threatening).

So I'm finding it hard to believe he's ok with everything now and that I can forget about it IYSWIM?

I also have a cam ready for this morning. If he walks past (and no doubt looks in) I'll have proof of it. Because then it's not my word against his!

Bloody missed it but he just glanced in rather than glared until he passed IYSWIM. Put the rubbish out early to avoid him but he walked to walk really early so saw him at the end of the bloody street, crossing over

My friend (the decent one) mentioned that in her reply she saif if he really wanted to avoid trouble he should do what he told the PO he would and just leave it all to rest. I think it's just his big-man attempt at a 'fuck you, I'll do what I like' really.

*walked to work

Although maybe he thought I wouldn't see him if he did that. I don't know.

Can you ask for a PCSO to wait in your road tomorrow morning to make sure he knows you're serious?

Would they? He's not technically doing anything , other than trying to get to me for dumping him/reporting him. Not knocking on the door or lingering. It's partly me being so pissed off about it when I shouldn't. It's just really wound me up because it's not necassary for him to walk so close by and he said he wouldn't?

I'll tell the police when they pop round as that hand in hand with messaging friends has got to me (though I don't want him to know of course)!

I think he just wants a reaction. He'll have to give up eventually. And he's giving everyone else the impression that he's moving on and likely is, but just wants to get his own back as best he can without getting into trouble again.

Police are coming over on Sunday to discuss it.

I agree with all others on here, he's trying to get your friends on his side to isolate you, so you're in a more vulnerable position.
Log everything with the police. Including how intimidated, jumpy and on edge it's making you feel.

I think you need to give up on the idea that he'll have to give up soon.
That's what a rational person would do, but you're not dealing with a rational person.

Keep calling 101, as much as you need to.

He's presenting a 'normal' facade to everyone else though, which is confusing but I would guess that's the point.

I can avoid seeing him in the mornings but it's my bloody house and I shouldn't have to really.

I'll call 101 if anything else happens between now and sunday but I think he's sticking to just trying to be as present as possible without direct contact.

I'd have never thought he'd be like this when we were together. Knew he would be hard to actually break up with but then that would be that, like it was with his other exes!

He'll have to give up when I move. I doubt he'll be able to find out where I live as I only have close friends over and they know what he's up to and wouldn't share that info. Plus it's easy to do that as he has to walk past anyway, just not that close/obviously.

If he doesn't give up then I guess he'll keep trying to turn friends against me, which is just sad. My good freinds aren't an issue anyway luckily

its really good your good friends know the score.

did he do this harassment thing with his other exes? how long did he take to calm down and sod off?

He never did, and I'm very certain of it (lots of mutual friends). As he says, he's never fought for someone like this and didn't want to give up when we could make it work etc we couldn't

Saw a lovely friend this morning which cheered me up. Haven't actually seen another adult-friend since Sat eve and I think I needed it!

ye.

His behaviour is kind of isolating you a bit if you're having to block people who have been friends before because he's spinning them a line.

It's worth mentioning that to the police too maybe

I will

I have a lot of acquaintances I'm not bothered about losing and my few good, close friends have been great. He wouldn't try it with the other two and just tried it with our only mutual friend who we are fairly close to. Though she's seen how upset I was after he just turned up and is quite angry with him for adding extra stress on the situation and not taking no for an answer

Off to see another friend this afternoon which will be nice! Just needed to take my mind off it and cancel out some of the normal isolation you get when you're at home with a kid anyway.

Still can't believe his cheek this morning. Whatever he's trying to achieve he'll fail, and possibly get himself in some very hot water!

What is he doing?

other than trying to get to me for dumping him/reporting him.

How normal do you think it is for a woman (with a child) to have to prime a video camera to see if she can catch the bloke she has ended a relationship with passing yet again past her house staring/glaring in at her? How many of us have this as our daily routine? How many of your friends live like this?

How does this possibility of him passing your home make you feel? Please stop to think about this before you reply.

if you are feeling in any way un-nerved, or made to feel anxious/uncomfortable in your own home by the avoidable and deliberate actions of a person who knows he is not to contact you again, THEN there IS a crime tbh.

You are fearful of your own safety and HE is the one causing this, by walking past your home, by corralling your friends, making sure that he gets the message through to you that he's still there.

You REALLY need to report these walk-by's, you really need to report these contacts to friends. You need to use that phrase fearful of your own safety in your own home It will be the phrase that helps the police help you.

He makes my skin crawl since this last week. I don't think he'd hurt me or directly contact me again.

please call 101 again and tell them that he walked past again, again ignoring PO instructions.

please don't tell me it's nothing or that you'll wait till Sunday. you have a child, not just yourself to worry about.

this man is escalating things, forcing you to change your routine. you need to report every. single. thing. you do NOT know when he may suddenly escalate things significantly, and a list of incidents on your phone between now and Sunday is not going to help if he breaks your door down on Saturday night.

keep logging everything religiously. don't make excuses, just do it.

Please ring 101 again.

I have logged it again. Still aren't seeing me til Sunday which is fine.

Did you use the 'don't feel safe in my own home' phrase?

This is the phrase that pays iirc for the police to do more.

Bottom line, he's not complying with what they've told him. So could give him another informal visit to remind him that the next time it'll be an official one.