My H works away during the week and comes home Fri-Sun. I have posted before about him being EA.
To keep the family together we agreed to move (we have two girls 2, 5) to the city of his work (still in the UK). I got a new job there (a better job than previously actually!) and start at the end of July. We've rented out our London house and I am taking our girls on holiday back to my country for a week whilst the house move happens (H and his parents are organising move whilst we're away).
We are in the middle if buying a "home for life " in the new city. It is gorgeous ( but a large mortgage) and would be idyllic for the kids. Proper family home.
The catch? Through issues with my H , me seeing a counsellor and feedback from my friends about my H (I posted before about this), I'm about to tell my H on Saturday that I don't want to buy the dream house because that will not solve our problems and it would just lock us in financially . My H will be angry, scared, sad and more angry. I'm smashing to pieces his perfect family, but it's far from perfect for me.
I am also telling him that the girls and I are still moving to the new city (for my new job, they're in a good school and to be nearer their F ) but we're renting a house just for me and the girls. I'm seeing some places on Monday to hopefully choose before we go on hols so we have somewhere to come back to because otherwise we're homeless! (My H has been put up in a one bed flat for his job).
Everyone is going to be in shock (his parents - who I love ) and H and our friends. But I can't see another way. I'm not in love with him anymore, he's isolated us from our friends ( they don't want to be around him and he embarrasses me with his arrogance ) and he speaks to me and the children awfully but he doesn't even realise it. We already had a chat about how unhappy I am but he hasn't changed to make things better. A friend staying with us said she thought he had actually regressed and she confessed that she wanted to tell him to get off his fat ass and be a father...but she but her tongue.
I'm scared about the impact on our girls and moving from a large house to a tiny rental and without daddy.
Thank god I work FT to be able to afford it but it will be tight to begin with.
I feel like I wake up to a nightmare every day and think it will work out in the end but similarly to other posts here , I feel guilty that I am turning everyone's lives upside down. H also has told me I am selfish to consider splitting up the family when we spoke about it before.
I have only told a couple of friends about my plans, the rest will be in shock. I'm juggling so much : house move, job move and now relationship break up. Originally I thought I would plod along in the relationship because there was only so much I could juggle but the house move pressure has forced my hand to make a drastic call on that too.
I'm trying to be pragmatic and organise everything but I'm shit scared moving away from my friends and what I know but on one hand it's also a fresh start for me.
I will need my PIL to have our girls for a bit over the summer whilst I sort out childcare. They love the girls so should be fine but they'll be devastated that I am doing this.
I'm nervous about the chat on Saturday because he always out argues me and turns things around and makes it my fault. My counsellor said I should put a time limit on the talk and go out with a friend after to decompress.
I guess I am posting to get this off my chest and to see if there is anything else I should be thinking about?