Ex has done something horrific.... wwyd? Warning, graphic. ***[Edited by MNHQ STRONG WARNING - POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING]***

[MoonshineWashingLine]

I am horrified, ex-p has hospitalised some poor girl he's been sleeping with. They were having very rough sex and he has severely damaged her insides. I get the impression this is someone he has been meeting up with specifically for rough sex so it was consensual and entirely accidental. He is mortified and has spent the whole night and day in hospital with her.

We have only been split up for 4 months and he's been sleeping around loads. It doesn't bother me but we also have a 2yo dd together so I have to prioritise her.

He is already having counselling and anger management and has just been told by his therapist to go to the gp regarding sex addiction.

Wwyd? I am in shock. I don't know what to do for best. I have to know what happens with it all so I can make decisions regarding him seeing dd but I don't want to get too involved. The whole thing makes me feel a bit sick :(

Call ss now.

This man has no rights to see yor daughter while he is a violent, dangerous, abusive man.

Draw a line, get some good advice.

I would be calling the police, I would be getting legal advice to protect myself and my dd. I would NOT under any fucking circumstances have this man around my dd any time soon.

Wake the hell up, stop apologising and supporting him. He hospitalised a woman he was using for casual sex.

Why did he need to take a shower at your house? It wouldn't be anything to do with washing away evidence/DNA would it?

Can I just ask exactly what anyone thinks he is likely to do to his daughter?

Not excusing anything or even prepared to get into the debate about it but what happened was with an adult woman in what appears to have been a consenting act (not interested in the laws view of that merely in that he did not launch an unprovoked attack upon her) and I remain unsure as to why you would immediately rush to think he should thus not be allowed a relationship with his child - or more to the point she should not be allowed a relationship with her father. He is highly unlikely to do anything like this to her. Would you have the same view regarding a female parent who caused a penile fracture in a partner?

I also think without knowing what he actually did and how violent it actually was as an act no one on this thread should be making a judgement on whether he should see his child.

Op I would suggest taking advice from social work regarding the situation, they can be given the details and give you guidance about the best way to deal with the situation.

Ffs! If he was a dog he would be put down by now. Why on earth would any rational person want a man around her daughter that thinks a woman's vagina needs to be punched?

He would be dead to me and my daughter by now.

I am very sorry for the injured girl but I also read it as she consented to rough sex and unfortunately got injured . I think it sounds like a terrible accident. Why does this make him a danger to his child? Nowhere does it say he is a paedophile. Many of the people expressing horror at this sexual practice will have avidly read "50 Shades of Grey"!

Oh god, there is no hope.

A man that enjoys violence towards women should never be allowed around any children!

Didn't say "all" evidence.

Firstly, don't be so patronising.

Secondly, from what I've read/seen (documentaries etc.) 50 Shades of Shite is nowhere near a correct representation of the BDSM lifestyle. Happy to be told I'm wrong, however.

Thirdly, again from what I've read/seen, the people who engage in BDSM play aren't abusers who are out to cause severe damage to their partners, and end up having them hospitalised for internal damage.

Anyone who thinks that someone can consent to that needs to take a look at themselves!

Rhonda, it's not necessarily that he would be physically violent towards the dd...it's more a case of making a judgement about whether this is someone who would be a beneficial person for the dd to have in her life. From what the OP has said, there are many, many issues here and this horrible incident is part of a bigger picture.

And, I have to say...I have had my hands in many vaginas in my day, and I have never 'severely damaged' anyone 'by accident'.

Tea my point is that is not a decision to be made by people on this thread in a knee jerk reaction based on a few lines of text. Whether or not w child has their fath in their life can hugely affect them and the appropriate advice for op is to contact social work who can genuinely help her work through what is the best thing in this situation as they will have all the details.

If he had molested a small child there is an immediate danger but that is not the situation and the comments on this thread, while indicative of the posters completely understandable revulsion at WHAT THEY THINK HAPPENED, are not actually very useful to a distraught mother.

He has hospitalised a women and he has been allowed to spend time with her in hospital?

Are you sure?

I used to work in A&E and if a woman came in who had been assaulted in this way there is NO way the perpetrator would be able to sit by her bedside.

It could be tricky if they were married and he was her NOK but in this case he isn't so it would be pretty simple to keep him away.

I wouldn't trust a word he said.

Not a single word

That's a very good point devere.

I'm going to throw something in here - its just possible that a piece of jewellery could cause a bad tear, we have jumped to major organ trauma without that ever being stated. Of course it could be that but my point is yet again we do not know enough to advise someone to stop their child seeing their father.

Maybe they don't know he's the perpetrator - although they must have their suspicions.

Rhonda there is no way that you can damage someone's insides unintentionally.

It has to have been utterly vicious for that to happen.

Would you want your dd around someone like that?

So the police haven't been informed? Who called an ambulance/took her to hospital? Him?
And I wonder what on earth they said to the A&E staff when she was seen.

is this even genuine.

how is it.possible that

a) he can remain with her after such a serious attack....

b) he hasn't been interviewed and arrested with a view to investigating the allegation...

c) op let him into the house to change and shower and can actually go to sleep.

if it were me I would be on phone to solicitor. blocking all access until I were sure my child were safe

I don't think for one moment this bloke would decide to start fisting his daughter, but I still wouldn't have him within a mile of her

OP I'm very concerned that this man was abusive to you, he has confessed to inflicting this awful injury on another woman, and although you say you didn't really want to let him, you did let him come in and shower in your house.
It shows very clearly that he still has a lot of power over you.
You are hoping that someone else will create a barrier between him and you/your DD: either the police or social care, but you're not sure about calling them yourself.
In the short-term, I think you really need to think about how you would react if it were someone other than your ex.
Longer term you need help to create some good boundaries. Have you done the freedom programme? Spoken to women's aid? Seen a counselor? I would recommend all three.

The Op has already said that the exP has anger issues, has been abusive to her, and drinks heavily (something which blurs your sense of when to stop). The implication is that exP has issues with knowing where boundaries are (with regard to women), has issues with not repspecting the reality of others (women), and doesn't really keep his behaviour within the boundaries determined by a full comprehension of the rights of women to not be abused.

All of that indicates he is not a great person to have in the life of girls and women.

Even if he shares DNA with them.

In what kind of society is his unfitness for the role of parent invisible, or minimised?

It's bizarre that it is even up for discussion.

Which is not your fault, OP - our society is patriarchal. Or men like this would actually be shunned. Abusing you should have been enough.

but it's not.

Honestly, my darling, I think you should talk to a great counsellor. You sound sensible, and strong, and together - but you have been abused, and I swear that it clouds your sense of boundaries. And living in a patriarchal society doesn;t help get them back where they should be.

He's not a good 'un to have around you and your daughter.

Though I suspect that this incident may make it a lot easier for you (and your daughter) to go NC with him.

I want to be all "consenting adults" but then I remember the recent thread where (apologies to the poster for bringing it up) the OP explained that during a manic phase she had let men abuse her. Violent sex, etc. I'm not saying OP's ex did that- but I remember thinking "who are these men?" it was so upsetting to read. Well...

I don't know about the ex seeing DD after this- it sounds like he shouldn't be seeing her anyway if he is abusive and has a sex addiction (if a true addiction rather than an excuse for previous bad form- very hard to shield dd from).

I think I'd be inclined to ring the non-emergency police line and report the conversation just in case it's not known he was the perpetrator, because it does seem very odd that someone who has committed sexual assault would be allowed to sit at his victim's bedside. Even if the sex was consensual as I very much doubt the injuries were. Given that the OP said he was verbally and emotionally abusive and was being treated for anger management I also wonder about the consent factor too. I suspect that this is not someone who you could easily say 'no' to.

I'd also look at getting contact at a supervised centre, not so much because of the safety of the dd but for the safety of the OP.

This thread has got seriously fucked up. Talking about whether he will or will not attack his daughter in the same way. Shit like that should not be typed