This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

Happy, I have delurked to post, I have followed all of your threads and feel I need to support you in this wobble. You are so incredibly brave, I know it must scare the shit out of you at the moment because you are in charge of making the decisions. I was the same as you at 17 when I left home because of my SD, I didn't know where to turn and I had no support from anyone, I was but a child in reality, all I knew was that I couldn't return to what went before.

It was so hard at first but gradually, bit by bit, I got stronger and realised that by making the very hard deciscions, I could control how my life turned out. Your children love you without a doubt, they are dependent on you to show them the happy ending, please believe in yourself, it is hard, but baby steps each day to your happy ending and not anyone else's, please keep getting the MH support and when you do wobble, it's not the end of the world, it's just a wobble and you can get past i, at your own pace.
Sending lots of love to you and your babies xxx

Happy

The way you are thinking is NORMAL, nobody can see into the future and every mum and dad if they sat down and thought about it would freak out! About different things some

Keeping a roof over their children head
Putting food on the table
What if there sick
What if I loose my job
What if I've got no money

Do you see what I'm saying, most parents go through thoughts like these everyday, but they deal with it WHEN IT HAPPENS not before as it may never come up.

When my ex left me with a 4 yr old, I had exactly the same wobbles

How will I pay the mortgage, I'm going to loose my house, where a I going to live aghh
What about school holidays
What about my job. Etc etc

Until my sister said STOP deal with it when it happens, IF it happens
I too like you suffer depression and anxiety/panic attacks, yes it was hard but when I sat back and thought about it I'd been doing it all anyway.

I think you have even doing it all, but you havnt realised it!!!
I bet you got DC up, dressed and fed
Took the to CM
Then drove to work till 4pm
Picked them up
Cooked there tea
Played with them
Put them to bed

Tell me I'm wrong???????

What exactly did he do to help you????

He went to work, bet he just saw to himself and went to work!
Stayed out Friday nights, cheating on you
Gave you grief, shouted at you, hit you, took it out on you.

Stop thinking to far ahead, one day at a time and when you get through that smile and say I Did It !!

Talk to you CM, sister let them help you. You have NOTHING to be ashamed off.

Sorry about long post, but really hope you read it through and everybody else's advice because we are trying to get you to see it from another side
Xxx

Morning Happy, how are you and your DC doing today?

I've just caught up since yesterday evening. So many lovely, helpful posts for you Happy.

I would just repeat what has already been said - it's normal to want to be with him, it's like heroin - bad for you but if you're addicted it's a very hard habit to kick, you will have more wobbles and might end up back in hospital etc.

Looking after kids without going through all that you're going through is really bloody hard work.

You asked why you want to be back with someone who treated you so badly. There is an answer, which is at the same time simple and complex - low self-esteem. Learning about your self-esteem, building it up, going to women's groups, having therapy, reading the women's aid material, reading threads (like those ones someone kindly posted above) is a journey worth going on. You deserve to live in safety and to be treated with respect. And, even more, your children deserve to live in safety. But at the moment, you do not think you are worth that. YOU SO ARE!!!

I hope this is not hideously inappropriate but I would urge you to try to watch a very powerful documentary that was on BBC3 recently. It is brutal, heart-breaking and real. There are only three days left to watch it. I can't seem to link but it is called Murdered By My Boyfriend.

Hope you are okay, lovely xx

Happy please don't worry about how you manage your DC future.
None of us have big plans in place of how things are going to go.
All of us just live day to day trying to figure it all out, bumbling along, dealing with things as and when they happen.
Just take things 1 hour at a time.
Then a day at a time etc....

Make sure you keep your RL support networks informed of all your movements. Keep getting their support.

You've been majorly brave so far.
Keep going and keep focussed.

Any harrassment from anyone and report it immediately.

Also Happy please keep posting.
You've had some wonderful love and support on here and you need to keep everything in place.

You will need to start a new thread soon.
Make sure you link this thread to the opening post.

We'd all like to hear from you when ever you can manage it to know you are doing OK.

If you go back to him, happy, there's a very real chance he could kill you this time. I'm sorry to be blunt but this is the reality and I'd rather you considered it now than for it to be too late. He will b.

You are

You are precious and very vulnerable Happy.

So are your children. Do NOT go back to him.

This is what we are scared of.

Hold on to YOU and your trust in what's you and what's brainwashing by your shadow self and training by a monster.

Live your life Happy and love being in it x

Hello,
I just wanted to say thank you for all the support it means so much. My words aren't coming out right at the minute because I think it's my pills but anyway just to say thank you all

Dear Happy. I'm so glad you were able to post. I hope you had a decent sleep last night and I hope you will be getting some support today xxx

You are more than welcome happy. Any time. We want so much for you to get through this.

I hope you're feeling good today. X

Give them time to get into your system Happy,

Hope each day is getting a little easier for you, anytime you have a wobble were hear for you!
Take care of yourself and your little ones. Xxxx

Thanks for taking time to update a Happy. We are here to support you x

Hi everyone. I have started a new thread for Happy. ( I hope it's ok to do that.)

She asked me to post an update - she is back in hospital and her children are in emergency foster care. She really wanted to update and thank everyone but she is very sleepy.

Would a kind MNer be able to link this thread on the new one as I can't seem to do it! Thank you.

Here is the link:-

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2142423-Happys-thread-update?