This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

You do know how to fix it.
You stay put and get yourself better.
Then you get out and you can be a good mum and he will be happy and you will all be happy.
But... it all starts with YOU getting better.

She DOES know how to look after their hair.
She will figure it all out so don't worry about that.
She's looked after then well many many times before.
She will continue to do so.

Concentrate on YOU!
How has today been?
Have you seen a therapist yet?

How do DS us so sad? Have you seen them today?

Hair is not a problem!

They are probably having an off day, the weather is so so hot.

Stop worrying over silly little things and concentrate on yourself getting better. They are fine! Being looked after by two lovely people.

I am going home today x

I'm sorry I know I'm being stupid

You are not stupid. And PLEASE don't apologise :) xx

Have you had a chance to talk to your therapist today?
Tbh it sounds like you need to be looked after and cared for for a little while longer. Are you sure you don't want to stay in hospital until you're a little better?

Your children are with family and a cm that they know well. Please try not to worry about them too much

Do you feel stable now?

Happy, I have just realised that I do have some experience to share with you.

My mother suffered from depression and spent time in a psychiatric hospital when I was 8 and then again when I was 10. My brother and I were fostered. She had electric shock treatment and eventually, slowly, she recovered. I hated it when she was ill.

But, NOT FOR ONE MINUTE did I ever want to live with anyone else. She was my mum and I loved and needed her.

I look back on my childhood now with happy memories and the good times far outweigh the bad. My mother died recently and I am grieving.

Others have experience of abusive partners. I cannot imagine how terrible it would have been to see my mother mistreated. Please, be kind to yourself and try to take the long view. There's an awful lot of your life ahead of you. It's worth weathering this storm.

When you say you are going home today is that with the agreement of your mental health team and the hospital? I think you should stay put until you are really stabilised. The meds are clearly working but they need a while to build up in your system too. Please, dear Happy, only leave when you are more sure that you won't need to go back. Otherwise you'll be caught in a new cycle of leave, sink, return ....

I'm not being pessimistic or anything, just practical and realistic ...

Your children are fine and when you really really are back with them, ohhhh goddess what a beautiful time you are going to have!

Still stuff to sort out but the path to freedom smells very sweet and you are on it x

Oh. And by the way. You are NOT NOT NOT stupid!

You are amazing.
And you can, you can, you can .... x

Yes I need to be at home; there's no way I can get better when I'm here but I'm on my way to being fine.
Will go and pick up my dc and then go home and get them to bed. Then I want to arrange their room properly. I feel fine and happy thank you for all your messages xxx

Thanks for sharing Teenytroon, my nephews Mum is unwell and it's easy to forget that he needs her far more than the other carers involved in his life.

But is it with the agreement of your nursing team?

Therapy is barely started. Is there a plan for its continuation? Please do not rush .. everything, including time, is on your side x

Lovely, please keep looking after yourself, posting here if you want or need the support. Hopefully, you'll still be able to access support services from the hospital, such as therapy. You have done remarkably well since you first started this thread just over a month ago. Read lots - on here and also books about women, self-esteem etc. If you want any recommendations, just ask on here. Find out who you are. Stay strong. Stay safe. You're doing fantastically well xxx

No I discharged myself I need to be just with my dc otherwise I will get worse
I need some calm

I understand, Happy. I'm assuming you have a prescription for the meds that have stabilised you? I know you were desperate to fly the coop from that hospital but please don't be afraid to ask for their help if you need it.

There really are no "ought to do" things in life which usually harbour negatives. Just realisations about "can do" things which make life happen.

You sound a lot more in control now hun. Hope it stays that way. Do keep checking in with us won't you. Hope you're having a nice evening at home and are feeling better for it x

We are fine at the moment and everything but
I am just completely overwhelmed I am able to get through tonight and tomorrow but I have no idea how I am going to deal with the rest of my childrens lives
I am going to want to be gone again whether that is in 2 weeks or 2 years and. Don't know how I am going to cope with my dc and how I feel about me , I hate myself and I want to be back with the prick that has fucked me up so badly, what the hell is that about? I must be so sick in the head because I know he was the one who made me like this
I can't even form a proper sentence i am sorry I think maybe I should just come off here

Don't even think about coming off here, Happy!

You may need to keep an open mind about hospital. You cannot sustain these cycles of up/down without harm to yourself and confusion to your children. Please deep breathe and control your moods as best you can. Take what meds have been prescribed. Do you have the mood stabilisers?

Currently you are still addicted to the poison of your ex. You need to withdraw cold turkey style as far as he's concerned. These repeat thoughts you have that all was well with him are rubbish and you know it. Did you forget he raped you?

Stop looking to the negative and grab the future by its neck! Live and keep on loving your children. What else can a soul be expected to do?

Do you have therapy sessions booked at all?

Come back, yeah? Here I mean. I'm sure i'm not the only one who would like to know how you're getting on xxx

Please read the threads other women in your situation have started. They are so inspiring. Can anyone link to any that might help? There was one by mmmmtoffee that I remember.

Here are two. The first is part 2 but has a link to part I. The second is an update on a brave, brave woman who escaped. Her original thread has been deleted.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1924254-I-still-havent-moved-out-do-I-take-everything-Part-2

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2021794-update-as-Im-on-my-way-to-my-new-life-with-dds?msgid=46848472

I'm on phone so apologies for not naming links - it's tricky enough just finding them!

Just keep posting happy, keep posting and tell us everything... I'm sure it is good to get it out rather than keep repeating it all in your head.

You can do this, you really can. Doing this will be easier than being with him. Really it will. I can only compare this with my very abusive father, but the dread I felt when he arrived home. It'll take a while, but really one day you will be able to breathe easy and you'll really know you're free.

Even if I talk to my mother now and we talk about what a dick my father is, I feed that fog descend. He wanted to control you, it'll take a while to free yourself of that. Did he control who you saw, what you ate, things like that? If so, I imagine it will take even longer to break free. Still 25 years on, I relish in eating foods that we were not 'allowed' to eat!

Wishing you strength xx

Thing is happy, even in my comparitively simple situation, the thought of dealing with the rest of ds' life is overwhelming when I think of it!

I think you really need to take things one day at a time. Then it's less scary. Keep it all as simple as possible.

Try to recognise when you're heading for a low, and call for help before you actually need it.

Do you have a plan for your therapy to continue in a structured way? I hope so x

It is NORMAL to want to be with that prick, happy. He was your entire life for 6 years, told you what to do, be, think... It is hard to get away from him. But you must-whilst acknowledging that it's normal , it is also not GOOD for you.
I understand that you wanted to get out of hospital-i hope you have ongoing support. I hope your DC are a support to you; don't forget, never forget that you are their mummy and they love you.

This thread will be full soon -and I felt hope you start a new one - a new chapter in you life. Start one-we will find you and follow you.