This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

Please don't put yourself down honey. There is no way on this earth you are stupid. No-one could have foreseen what the last few weeks had in store for you. And let me tell you, it would have beaten many of us. Look at what you've coped with so far. You're still standing. Don't stop now x

You are not stupid, You really are not stupid - you are a strong, resourceful, brave woman who is just a little lost right now.

THIS

Happy, you have done a very difficult, very brave thing for your children. You are a good mother. This is not the time to think about putting them up for adoption, when you are in hospital, trying to get better.

SS may need to be involved while you are in hosp (not sure) but they should offer a lot of support to you to keep the three of you together.

Your ex may not have been directly horrible to your son and daughter but he harmed them every time he harmed you.

Are you having any therapy today? Is there anything you can do in between times to distract you - quilting, writing, a little walk?

Remember, children don't even need amazing mothers. They need a GOOD ENOUGH mother. Happy, you are that and much much more. Stay strong lovely xx

I can tell social services I can't cope with them and they will go into care but they will be adopted very soon
They are young
I am too bad to be their mummy they deserve the world
I have therapy in ten minutes

All our kiddies deserve the world. But all they really need is their loving mummy. X

YOU ARE NOT BAD!!!
Sorry to shout Happy but you just aren't seeing what we are all seeing.
You are brave, courageous, capable, strong and you can and will get through this.
Talk to your therapist about all of this.

You are a very very good person who has had so so much to deal with in her short life.
But you've done so much right and you do deserve to be happy and together with your DC.
You'll get there. One step at a time!

The therapist has got called away on an emergency so I don't have therapy appointment today
I asked if the nurse is in and the other nurse was angry she said why do you need her
I don't mean to be like this and I don't know when I'm allowed to go home also I think if I go home and then something happens they will section me

See if you can talk to the nurse privately and just tell her you need support. Your children need you to be well.

Happy - you need to stay put in any case to give yourself space to heal. The last few posts to you have been awesome to read. When you have an "up" moment, re-read them dear soul.

If you go home before you're ready, you might end up in a much worse state. Maybe best not to chance that, hey? The help is where you are right now.

Do you have anything to read or do (Do you sketch? Fancy trying it now? lol) since therapy is cancelled for today? Will it be rescheduled for tomorrow?

god hw annoying about the therapist. Could you ask to see anyone else? Try to find the strength to tell the nurse that you are really struggling, wanting the kids adopted etc, and that you would really like to talk to someone xx

By this evening, Happy - you may need to have figured out how to start a new thread - think it's a 40 page limit?

i have to scoot off to work ... will be back later to see how you're feeling, Happy. You're due for a positive up-cycle soon but please call the nurse, even if she is a grumpy one, should you need help ... maybe she has heat-brain like me *sticky brain emoticon required ...

I have had diazepam
I am very sleepey
X

Happy- you don't want your DC adopted!
Your panicking! Everything is a chore your looking to get rid of all responsibility. It's because you have depression/anxiety you are talking and thinking like this.

Do you think you could go out of your room and have a walk round to see if you can see the nice nurse? Do you know her name?

If she's not there I think you need to get these things your saying of your chest to somebody. Ask to see somebody psych, social worker,

Happy, I think mini has it spot on, you are looking to remove that responsibility. You've been told what to do for years by ex, and you don't know how to do it for yourself -or rather, it is not coming naturally. Ironically of course, I'd bet that you did everything for the dc anyway, so you did it all naturally.... No wonder you're confused!
Re the therapy: one way to look at it is-there was another person in more need than you, worse off than you, not as strong as you, and that's why the therapy worker had to go to him/her instead.
Hope you get some sleep/rest

Glad you've had diazepam. Just let it relax you. xx

Mini and captainmummy have absolutely said it all for real!

Rest, you amazing woman ...

I saw my therapist she was very nice to me and she explained what they have done with my medication to me the psychiatrist had given her a List and she searched online for me I feel sad today but they have started me on mood stabilisers so hopefully I will be better soon.
Dc Aunty said she is happy to have them fr as long as is needed and the cm said she can have them anytime she has given me reduced fee and she is so so lovely and kind.
I feel very trapped here but I do know they are trying to help me. I helped a younger girl a little while ago and she is very sweet we were talking and I feel very angry with myself for being how I am.
The dv officer emailed me some instructions how to block a number on my phone so I did that she also said that if I get contacted again then to let her know and she wil help me.
Sorry for my typing I feel a bit spacy and I keep crying

You sound like you're in good hands. Give it time and give yourself a break.

Happy you sound wonderful this evening! I've been hanging around to see if you'd come here. I had thought you might be too sleepy.

Mood stabilisers sound exactly the right thing for you.

The DC Aunty and CM are holding the fort magnificently so you know what? You have the structure and space to really focus on healing. Which you are now reaching for, because the first thing you did was to help another! Don't be angry at yourself. If you hadn't been there, no one else could do what you did for her today. Today you were someone else's miracle. Tomorrow you might be your own.

Now that you can give healing, perhaps you'll be more able to receive it and even give it to yourself. You are a woman with plenty of inner power. You wouldn't have got to this point had you been any less.

For you to say to yourself if you fancy it:

I am precious and powerful.
I will heal.
It is OK to feel Good.
I am Enough.

It's lovely that you were able to help someone today, happy. That not only helps her, it helps you too! You are strong and empathic, you know what others are going through.

Soon you will be on these very same boards, helping other young women get away from violent bastards. I know it.
Glad you have seen a therapist, and that your meds are helping. Whose number did you block? Hope it was cunty cousin !

Your childminder sounds absolutely brilliant -it's fab to have such support in RL.

Happy I have missed a few days and wanted to let you know you and your DC are in my thoughts.

I am glad that there are people helping you now, and sorry again for what you have gone through. As an adoptee myself, believe me your children need you. You have gone through so much for them already, and while they may find your current environment confusing, I can't be more certain that they need you and want you. And don't be ashamed to admit that you need them too.

Hoping you Get well very soon

Lovely, I'm so glad you've got a good therapist who is very kind to you and that you are on something to stabilise your mood. Also, great to hear that the CM and children's auntie are being helpful. You have so many people rooting for you and wanting to help you through this difficult time in your life.

How kind of you to help the sweet girl. I think that is something to be proud of - can you give yourself a little smile, or can the voice in your head just say 'that was a nice thing I did today'.

Try not to get angry with yourself for how you're feeling. Just let the feelings come and go. Easier said than done, I know. But try to treat yourself the way you treated that sweet girl or the way you'd treat your lovely daughter - with kindness, love and sympathy and affection. You deserve no less.

Try to remember that this period, as tough and hellish as it is, is just one of the chapters in your life. If you are able to use this period to try to heal some of your wounds, physical and emotional, then I think there will be many more good chapters ahead. Think of yourself just now as a project, like those beautiful baby quilts, building yourself up, putting yourself back together one step/stitch at a time. That sounds a bit airy-fairy but I hope it makes some sort of sense. Sleep well lovely xx

Great you've got some info on what going on and the plan to treat you!
One step forward!
You have some fantastic RL support, your DC are in great hands.
So now time for you to concentrate on your self, so you can now. Start accepting things are going to get better, time will tell.

Try to get as much rest as you can as this will also help in your recovery.
The meds may give you.a Few side effects till your body gets used to them.

Your poorly yourself yet you had the time to help the young girl, you are a good young lady. You will look back on this experience next year and you will think "I'm not going back there again" this will build your confidence

Say to yourself on not so good days
"I can do it and can and I will"

I have this written on a bracelet to remind myself on my not so good days

Xx

God domestic abuse is simply the scourge of society isn't it? It destroys lives and it can destroy the lives of children living within it because they grow up to be either abusers or abused.

No matter how low you feel right now Happy remember the positives because they are very very important.

1. Your beloved children are safe and well and no longer at risk of abuse from their violent father because of YOU. You have been as brave as hell and have saved their lives by getting them out of there.

1. You have saved your own life too by leaving him. Your life that's yours to live how you like - getting well and loving your beautiful children in happiness together. If you were to go back you may very well wind up dead, either at his hands or your own. Harsh words but true lovey, he sounds very very dangerous and I hope he is given a custodial sentence.

1. You are in the best place right now. You need this time away from everything including your children honey, you need to just give in to the fact that you aren't well and you need a TON of rest and recuperation and that you're being supported by the police and therapists. No one can hurt you anymore. Hard to believe right now but it's true.

Your on the ladder to happiness now Happy! You've just got to stop panicking and start believing it xx

DS is so sad I don't know how to fix it
And the cm doesn't know how to look after their hair
I need to be out of here