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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is not right but I don't know how to change it

965 replies

HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/06/2014 14:25

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 19/07/2014 18:35

I'm relieved that you went to A&E.

Don't apologise for being who you are and as you are. As you are will change when recovery starts and you regain who you are.

As Whoknows says - a good and safe life is within your reach now.

Reach for the extra help you need and deserve to get your health back.

Mini05 · 19/07/2014 19:26

Whilst your waiting for the psych Happy, think about what you want to tell them even write it down if you have a bit of paper.

Reach out to them!! The help is there if your willing to tell them.

Wishing you well. Xx

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 19/07/2014 19:48

The psych recommended I stay overnight but I want to go home I don't like it here

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 19/07/2014 20:06

If the psych thinks you should stay just for tonight maybe you could bear it? What in particular don't you like? Is it the loss of familiarity? Thing is, dearest Happy - in your own space you were hurting yourself and there was no-one physically there to ask you to stop.

I loathe hospitals but they are very necessary. They save lives. Like mine. And yours.

GarlicJulyKit · 19/07/2014 20:11

You're in a safe place tonight, Happy, although it's unfamiliar. What did you think of the psych person? Did you get to tell them your stuff?

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 19/07/2014 20:12

I know they just want to help me but it's not safe here and I want to go home I want to see my dc and I miss him I wish I was still with him

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 19/07/2014 20:13

I told her lots of things but they're goin to lock me up here now

OP posts:
springbabydays · 19/07/2014 20:23

Come on honey it will be ok. We're still right here so you can still come on here and talk to us. Please keep us updated. I'm sure it is safe where you are. Try not to worry (I know it's easier said than done), but this might be the change you need to turn things around. Think of it as an opportunity perhaps?

Sending you lots of positive thoughts x

GarlicJulyKit · 19/07/2014 20:24

Oh dear, sweetheart, what makes you feels scared where you are? Is there anyone you feel you can talk to?

Mini05 · 19/07/2014 20:29

There not going to lock you up Happy, just keep you safe for your own well being.
Psych wards are not nice places, and there's always somebody worse than you!

Just stay in your own room, you have the nurses to talk (if you want too) and you have your phone or ipad with you to write on here if you want to talk.

You want things that you think you want(if that makes sense)
You want to see your dc, but if they where there Happy in your mood state you would be fed up with them in a few mins
As for HIM you don't want him, you only think you do it's because your not used to being on your own yet it's a habit of having him around(but I bet he did his own thing anyway) and you were on your own anyway.

Please try and stay. Xxxx

tipsytrifle · 19/07/2014 20:38

You are so brave and you know the right thing to do for now is to stay put. It's late, you're wounded and you need some care. Allow us to care for you in the ether and now the nurses in "real life" too. Perhaps you will get some help with sleeping tonight as well. You must be exhausted.

Wickeddevil · 19/07/2014 21:05

Happy sending you hugs and best wishes you strong lady x

I have been looking over your thread again and I think that I have noticed that some of your most anxious posts are in the small hours of the morning and it made me think of something that I have read about cortisol levels and how they fluctuate throughout day and night. If I recall correctly night time cortisol levels are linked to anxiety, and while I am no expert here I wonder if this is relevant to how you are feeling? I am sure that your MH team could explain this a lot better but what I am trying to say is that on top of your other issues there is (probably) a biological reason for why you feel like you do in the night.

I hope that after today you get more support, but please remember that I, and many other mumsnetters think you are amazing. We are here for you when you need us, and you are already doing the right thing. Honestly.

Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 19/07/2014 21:41

It is a scary place but I am more calm now I have had pills and I am in my bed my childminder text me about dc and I told her what was happening and she is being lovely she said she will help me but I feel so ashamed. I am scared a man is going to come here

OP posts:
springbabydays · 19/07/2014 21:56

It's never nice being in hospital love, but try to relax as much as you can. Is there someone there you can talk to and discuss your fears with?

Your childminder is being an absolute darling. Do not feel ashamed. One day all this will be a distant memory and you'll be so proud of yourself. You will see!

Hope the bed is comfy and you get a decent sleep tonight. Thanks for you x

Mini05 · 19/07/2014 22:07

Or a Happy well done Hun, they have probably given you diazepam to calm you.
I told you I wish I lived near you, but unfortunately I don't!

That is very good of your ch, she seems a very good person and she WANTS to help you Happy, not because she as too! Take it, just till you feel more stable Hun.

As said speak to the nurses when they pop in on you, some will be nicer than others but you will know gut instinct. Nobody will come in, the staff are there they will be awake all night you will safe.

Keep talking to us, if that's what you feel like doing till your tired Hun say want you want we will not judge you and do not feel ashamed Hun.
Xx

43percentburnt · 19/07/2014 22:46

All the best happy. Don't feel ashamed, you will get through this, just think positive. Xxx

GarlicJulyKit · 19/07/2014 23:17

Hell's bells, there's NOTHING to be ashamed of Happy! You've a very great deal to be proud of.
You're strong enough to have survived intolerable abuse.
You're smart enough to have sorted out a home for you and your children.
You're creative and skilful, as shown by your quilts.
You've made your children safe, so that DD could sleep through the night and use the toilet!
You've saved your own life Flowers

I bet it's a bit tricky to believe you ARE this great, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of your anxiety comes from thoughts of "Me? I'm this amazing woman? Nah, can't be." Just keep posting, keep listening to the feedback you get, and remind yourself it's all true! It will sink in after a while.

If anybody comes in and scares you, just YELL as loud as you can! There's help for you, lovely. Plenty of folks are happy to help you, trust in this.

Wishing you a peaceful night and comforting dreams. xx

springbabydays · 20/07/2014 07:59

What sort of night did you have happy? X

Whoknowswherethetimegoes1 · 20/07/2014 10:34

Dearest Happy, I hope you had an okay night. I think you have done really well to get to A&E and agree to being helped by psych team. You honestly have nothing to feel ashamed about. Anyone who knows what you have been through will feel nothing other than sympathy, empathy and concern for you. You deserve and require help and there is no shame in that. I always think it is a sign of strength rather than weakness to accept that you require help. Anyways, I'm waffling again.

I hope you are being cared for and are feeling a little better xx

captainmummy · 20/07/2014 13:26

Hope you had a good night, Happy. I went looking for an inspirational thread HERE (ignore the goady fucker beachside in the middle!) for you to read if you want.

Grin
Original poster
HappyLandSpaceMan · 20/07/2014 16:09

Hey
They are keeping me in for a while they said I'm at risk
I feel numb now

OP posts:
GarlicJulyKit · 20/07/2014 16:28

OK. First question - how about childcare, and will your DC visit their mum daily?

I think you are at risk of significant harm just now, and perhaps you're feeling numb due to sedatives? As long as your children are safe, I think it might be quite good for you to get a small break while your head settles. Depending on whether you're being given worthwhile talking therapy where you are, you might need frequent contact with your other support services. I'd talk to the doctor on your case about this.

You must feel quite scared, but it will be all right. Somebody should also be along to help you sort out benefits and any specific support you'll need. Much good can come of this.

I was fuming when I was sent to a mental hospital! I wouldn't take that out of my past now, though. I hope you're also in a decent and safe place, where you'll be heard. Sending you many kind thoughts & good wishes.

Mini05 · 20/07/2014 20:18

Good to here from you Happy!

As said it's proberly the meds making you feel as you do, you mind and body need to rest.
As long as your DC are ok(which I'm sure they are between there Auntie and CM) you just get better.

Try to eat, plenty of rest.
As said when your feeling a little rested,ask your psych doctor for some talking therapy your in the right place to access it with no waiting list!!

Take care xx. Post when you can

Whoknowswherethetimegoes1 · 20/07/2014 20:30

Happy, I hope you are okay. I know it must be so difficult and scary for you but I think there was a risk that the irreversible might have happened. Whereas, hopefully, with the proper treatment, this could be the start of your recovery.

As said before, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You have been through so much. No-one could endure what you have without help.

I know you might just be getting medication just now - and though that can be scary it is probably what you need to get you stabilised - but I really hope that you are offered talking therapy as soon as you will be in a position to benefit from it.

I'm sure your little ones will be well looked after by your CM and their auntie but I hope they can visit you regularly.

Your mind and body need help and you are in the best place for that. I hope there is a lovely kind nurse caring for you.

Still thinking of you, still rooting for you, still wanting to hug you xx

GarlicJulyKit · 20/07/2014 21:42

I hope there is a lovely kind nurse caring for you. - Me, too Flowers