This is not right but I don't know how to change it

[HappyLandSpaceMan]

I have been in my current relationship for 6 years now. We have 2 dc.
He is not making me happy and his behaviour isn't right towards me. I do know that much. I don't want to be with him but I have no idea how to leave him. I need him to function, or that's how it feels anyway. I don't know how to make it all better.

Thinking of you too, Happy, and your lovely DC. Wishing you a peaceful night and a smiley Saturday morning. xx

What's that phrase...
" the darkest hour is just before the dawn"
Hang on in there Happy. Things can only get better
More hugs flying your way.

What's that phrase...
" the darkest hour is just before the dawn"
Hang on in there Happy. Things can only get better
More hugs flying your way.

So good, she said it twice

I can't do it

I can't do it

Hi Happy,

Your under the care of your local MH team right? they will have an out of hours telephone counselling service if you need someone to talk to.

Happy, you have so many people here rooting for you! Just take each moment as it comes... I know it's hard to hear people say you're strong - you're strong because you have to be. You didn't choose this situation,it was forced onto you and you're working hard to cope. But you're doing it! It might not feel like it, but you are.... You can beat him you know, you can do it by making your life a success and you and the dcs being happy. Don't let him win, he'd love to see that. You live your life, enjoy it; hopefully he will rotting away in some prison (( xxx))

happy yes you can do it. Keep repeating, out loud if possible "I can do this, I can do this, I am strong, I am strong'" or find anything positive about yourself (just look back at our previous comments for ideas - there are lots of them!) and keep repeating the phrase over and over, like a mantra. Bringing such positivity in this way might be helpful.

Hope you're ok this morning sweetheart. It's been a horrible sleepless humid night here. I've been up and down opening and shutting windows constantly, battling the heat and the thunder in turn! Take it easy today.

Dearest Happy, I just saw that you had a hellish night. Did you manage to get through it?

I hope you are okay xx

I have cut again and I feel shit but am still here x

I am so relieved that you are still here.

Do you need treatment for the cut or are you able to treat it yourself?

I wonder if you might be better to get your children back from their auntie's today. Although kids are so exhausting they are also quite a good distraction from what's swirling around inside your head.

Will write more later. Still thinking of you, still rooting for you xx

I haven't looked at the cuts don't know if I can
I am going to let the kids stay with their Aunty for a few days
Thank u for messaging

Get yourself looked at happy better to be safe than sorry. I agree with whoknows being with your children is probably going to help you. Can you spend time with them and your sister? Hate to think of you being alone with your thoughts (although of course we're here for you) x

Happy, could you go to A&E and ask them to take a look at the cuts and perhaps even say that you are scared you might cut again. This would get you any physical treatment you might need, but would also get you back in the system with psych. It doesn't matter that you might have missed some previous appointments, doesn't matter at all, but it would get you back in the system, and get you hopefully some therapy/counselling.

As Spring says, maybe you could spend some time with your children at their auntie's.

Also, maybe you could start writing stuff down. Just get a big notebook and some pens and don't self-censor, just let stream-of-counsciousness stuff come out onto the page. No-one's going to look at it. But it might help start to get some of the stuff out of you, kind of like a release.

xx

I can't make myself move I am getting so so frustrated it is taking me forever to write this message my head hurts and I can't do it

Ok Happy you sound in a bad place right now, I suggest you call the out of hours MH team and tell them exactly what you have done and exactly how bad you feel.

How do you feel about getting stable having a hospital stay?
Your MH could do this for you, or go voluntary ?
Would your sister be able to have your children for a couple of weeks? And does she know how bad your feeling?

I know it's a lot of questions but I think you need some intervention now because your harming yourself, not eating and being on your own is not good luv.

Please do something. Xxx

Have you taken your meds? Are yours to be taken with food.

Happy, may I suggest you join the Fuck You thread to get a few things off your chest? And tell that whining voice in your head to Fuck Off whilst you're at it

Check your cuts. Treat them. Go to walk-in clinic or hospital if needed.
Check that you've taken your meds.
Eat food. Chocolate might be good.
Smile at yourself in the mirror.

Happy - it sounds like you may need to call your MH team. I don't know if they are around at the weekend. Try them? Are they calling you every morning as they said they would?

You were awake at 4a.m (ish) again - are you taking your meds? Insomnia will drive you mad so if that's a side effect i think you need another appt with GP or whoever prescribed ...

Very yes to finding a mantra that cuts through the repeat cycle of negative thought you have going on. Thing is, you can ... and are .. no matter what that self-destructive shadow self is whispering to you; trying to brainwash you like "he" did ... the simple truth is that you can ... and are ...

Your cuts may need treatment. Will you go to A&E?

Thinking of you ...

Dearest Happy, are you managing to keep going? As previous posters have said, I think it sounds as if you really do need emergency MH care. This is nothing to feel bad or ashamed of or frustrated about. It's completely normal under the circumstances. It could really really help you. Are you able to phone a mental health out-of-hours emergency number. If not, 999 and explain as much as you can, what's happening. I know it must feel terrifying but it could save your precious life.

Everyone here is rooting so much for you. We see in you a lovely strong caring mother with such potential. A good, safe life is round the corner. Your relationship has nearly destroyed you but you can put yourself back together.

We are rooting so much for you but I think you need more than just us, although we will always be here. I think you need proper professional help.

I want to hug you xx

I've just seen your thread Happy, and want to say what a strong person you must be to have survived everything you you've been through.

Please keep going... you have a good future ahead of you when you get through this hard time.

You are an amazing role model to your children... you are so brave.
Please keep going.

I am in a and e I have had stitches and am waiting for someone from the psych team to come and assess me
I'm sorry I keep being like this you all give me such lovely undeserved words and support but yes you are right I do need help because I will end up doing the irreversible otherwise.
I will have a look at that thread thank u it looks like I will enjoy it
I never remember names or specific questions I am sorry
I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine x

Thank god you're safe and are being treated, Happy! Thanks for updating

DO tell the psych person your truth about how you feel. Are the DC okay?

Wishing you well and a lot of swearing on the Fuck Off thread! xx

I am so happy and relieved to hear that you are in A&E and awaiting psych assessment. Just tell them everything. Even refer them to your posts on this thread. Hopefully this will be the start of your journey of recovery and putting yourself back together.

As you say, it would be so horrendous if the irreversible happened. Your beautiful babies would miss the chance to know and be loved by their wonderful strong amazing mother.

I think, with proper help and care, you will get stronger and stronger. A good, safe life is round the corner xx