at a loss

[wheresthelight]

I love my dp to death but I am at my wits end.

We got pregnant totally by surprise (told i couldn't have kids) and he insisted I should stay home to raise the baby. We looked hard at finances etc and both agreed that financially this was far more sensible as child care outstrips my earnings.

Skip on to baby being 10 months old and I am beginning to turn into a complete fruit loop.

I love my baby girl so much and love spending time with her but I am so sick of sahp equating to slave. I literally do everything for her and then cook, clean, dishes, wash clothes, iron, walk the dog and shop. He works 3 on 3 off shifts so it's not that he doesn't have time iyswim.

I really feel like I am being taken advantage of and it is causing massive resentment and me to be a snipey bitch

How do I sort this without it escalating into ww3?

"but do you expect grovelling gratitude for allowing him not to work as fluffy thinks he should?!"

I have never suggested you "grovel" - in fact, I advise you absolutely NOT to grovel. What I suggested is that you show gratitude and watch as your relationship goes from troubled and stressful to pretty damn good.

But other people here perhaps think you should up the "snipey bitch" and maybe they are right and I am wrong (?)

Mary, I would say that was eminently sane,, m'dear

Fucking appalling thread, I'm off for a bath but will be weighing in afterwards.

Suffice to say, yanbu OP (I know it's not Aibu but feels like it!)

Fluffy do us all a favour and go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under and take your holier than thou archaic views with you.

What I suggested is that you show gratitude and watch as your relationship goes from troubled and stressful to pretty damn good.

• A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet.
• A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable.
• A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband’s approval before making purchases and spends money wisely.
• Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests.

A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks.

Yep, a Proverbs wife alright.......

They've found their way onto these threads, dammit.....

Nah, AF, we'd never leave you on your own!!!!

Slithy I have actually had to check that I had posted in relationships and not aibu - i think there would be a few more blatant comments to fluffy's crap than she has had here

"Fluffy do us all a favour and go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under and take your holier than thou archaic views with you."

Is that an order or a request?

A request from the OP who is having a difficult time which you are making much worse. Geddit???!!!

• A Virtuous Woman is wise in the way of the herb. She watches her man lovingly and waits for the day her star arises, when she administers the Herb to her lord and master and sends him, with love, unto the Great Beyond. His things she distributes to the poor, as a Good Wife would.

I'm sure I saw that written as the last line of that text sometime! Crazy eh.

"A request from the OP who is having a difficult time which you are making much worse. Geddit???!!!"

Making it worse because I am not telling her what she wants to hear but instead am trying to actually help her?

Why don't you report me to whoever monitors the "report post" function? Or is just more rational and classy to hurl ridicule and verbal abuse?

BTW I'm sitting here in the corner crying because I'm not being accepted as a member of your clique. How could you be so heartless to make me feel this way?

i don't really care whether you take it as a request or an order - but i would appreciate it if you took your pathetically chauvanistic views and shoved them so

somewhere.

9 month old playing with keyboard

fluffy - you are not trying to help you have consistently insulted me and berated me. funny how you don't like it when that vitriol is returned at you

Clique? Seriously? I've been here for 8 years, yet no one here would be able to tell you my past names on here, of which there have been a few.

What sort of a clique would that make me part of???

At their worse your comments could be taken as misogynistic, at their best seriously misguided and grossly out of date.

"i don't really care whether you take it as a request or an order - but i would appreciate it if you took your pathetically chauvanistic views and shoved them so"

Perhaps there are people lurking here who are finding my perspective useful in their own relationship struggles, so unless you "order" me off, I will continue to express my viewpoint if I deem it potentially helpful to others.

I'd advise you to just ignore my posts.

I haven't always been welcome on an Op's thread. However, when I am explicitly told to scarper by the op, it seems like good manners to fuck off instead of hanging around like a bad smell

You are no maverick, fluffy

If you are even real, you are a manpleaser and a surrendered wife

Or a wind up merchant

The two are interchangeable in my eyes

Do one, sunshine. This is Op's thread, she doesn't want you here

Have some manners

I'd advise you to just ignore my posts.

Hey! Finally!!! Some decent advice from you on this thread!!!!

AF tells the truth....

(the whole truth and nothing but the truth....)

She has been told many times to scarper previously. And has!

Usually though the OP comes back, whether it be days or months later, and admits AF was right but they just weren't able to take it in at the time.

"you have consistently insulted me and berated me"

I have told you that you radiate an attitude of ungratitude toward your DP. How is that "berating" you? Give me a break, It is called constructive criticism, or something that is "difficult to hear." Defensive people don't take well to constructive criticism, but self-aware people do.

You want everyone here to tell you how your DP is so mean to you - oh, poor you. I have no doubt it is hard dealing with your situation.

I believe it is SOLVEABLE, but you need to look first at yourself and your role in this. If that is your idea of "berating" then whatever.

The days your partner is not working could be your off days too. The only thing you really need to do on those days is walk the dog/deal with the baby and eat.

Love how walking the pet takes equal precedence with dealing with the baby.

I'm guessing DP as an experienced father probably knew what to expect and OP as step-mum (not married but still acting in that capacity every contact visit) had no practical experience of babies when they got the shock confirmation she was pregnant.

On the face of it only her life has changed utterly. As well as not going back after ML and losing her old set of friends I would bet lack of sleep hasn't been his problem these past ten months.

OP started her thread telling us she loves DP but feels she is on call 24/7. I can't see how this makes her "unappreciative". Her world has shrunk whereas he still has a full day of interaction with adults, peer respect and salaried work.

A friend once pondered that childcare is always dismissed as child's play, but try and grab an hour on a weekend or two hours of evening classes when LO is already asleep and suddenly it is a huge ask and grossly unfair - "I could be at the gym/playing golf/at the match you know".

OP is it possible his former life with his ex aand first-time fatherhood made DP worry that if he lifts a finger to share the domestic load, you will somehow run riot and take advantage?

Ok, the pedant in me can't take it anymore.

It's INGRATITUDE!!!!!

FFS

"Have some manners"

Cognitive dissonance any? Or do the "rules" only apply to people you disagree with?

Hello afluffylamb your posting style is ringing a very large bell, do you mind me asking have you posted before in this section under a different name?