at a loss

[wheresthelight]

I love my dp to death but I am at my wits end.

We got pregnant totally by surprise (told i couldn't have kids) and he insisted I should stay home to raise the baby. We looked hard at finances etc and both agreed that financially this was far more sensible as child care outstrips my earnings.

Skip on to baby being 10 months old and I am beginning to turn into a complete fruit loop.

I love my baby girl so much and love spending time with her but I am so sick of sahp equating to slave. I literally do everything for her and then cook, clean, dishes, wash clothes, iron, walk the dog and shop. He works 3 on 3 off shifts so it's not that he doesn't have time iyswim.

I really feel like I am being taken advantage of and it is causing massive resentment and me to be a snipey bitch

How do I sort this without it escalating into ww3?

Free ride???? Are you serious???????

Ignoring the fact that you completely ignored my question to you, you have a seriously fucked up idea of life. Baron spinster are you?

Bill is seriously deluded. In fact the comments are laughable. I suggest the appropriate action is "smile and nod" "smile and nod". I've never read such BS before.

Cookie - my mum has offered to have dd if I can get something that is in an afternoon as she works mornings so we are looking at whether there is anything at my old job i cam transfer to and am also looking to see of there is something locally that I can do for a couple of afternoons a week. But unfortunately I live in a high unemployment area so it's hard going especially when I am on paper over qualified for most jobs that come up round here.

I do like the idea of his jobs though, I hate cleaning the bathroom and I physically cannot lift the hoover upstairs so I may ask him to do those on his days off to help me out so he knows what he has to do rather than me having to ask etc so thanks that's a great idea and will out it to him once the dsc's have gone home. he does mow the lawn normally but the weather has only been good enough on the days he has been at work so Idecided to help him out this week and do it for him as he was getting narky that it looked a tip.

Bill is a wind up merchant who really really needs to find a hobby.. unless you count spouting shite on mn as a hobby which he or she probably does!

Bill is deluded and not worth bothering about OP. It seems as though you have taken a lot from this thread regardless of the added entertainment and have taken steps to improve things with your partner.

We have set jobs, shared jobs, and are very happy with how we arrange things. We both have a fair amount of leisure time, and because we are equal most of the time, it's not a hardship to step up if one spouse is having a more difficult time temporarily.

That's what I see a good partnership as.

And fwiw, no, you don't shut off from being a PARENT. But you can be a bloody great parent while the other half is doing all the household errands

Yeah slithy I think you guys who don't have an agenda have been really helpful and offered some really great advice/ideas/perspective and experience on how you do/have done it.

Dp isn't a twat, but he had a shit time with his ex and his mum (god rest her) was a proper matriarch who lived for her kids and never expected or asked them to lift a finger so he has been majorly spoilt!! His mum was lovely but in her house she cooked and her dh did the dishes end of - she went mental at me for washing the pots after a meal there when dp and I first started dating!! Seriously you would have thought I had sworn like a navvy at her!

Cannot believe I missed all this.

Has anyone suggested that Men are from Mars and Women from Venus yet?

OP I hope you have been able to get support from this thread, despite the rather odd postings. Please do insist that he does his fair share and try to get out more and just leave him to it. Good luck.

I have thanks Hampton thank you!!

The way I looked at it (when on mat leave) is:

Dh works 40 hours at the office.

I work those same 40 hours at home, mostly looking after the baby but with some light domestic duties.

Any time outside of those 40 hours, we're both around and so have equal responsibility for childcare / housework.

We are both entitled to equal 'time off' both out of and in the house and at least one lie in a week.

Now I'm back at work and DH is a (mostly) SAHP and the arrangement continues to work well. We both find household stuff much easier and quicker if the other is looking after the baby and so tend to do chores mostly when we're both at home. It also has the advantage of meaning time spent with DS is mostly quality, fun time and we both love that too.

I am going to tell him off tonight though for being such an ingrate. I don't know when the last time he thanked me for working was - he's a bad wife.

Like all the non-fuckwits above said, domestic tasks should be shared and, unless your DP has a hyper-demanding job that effectively leaves him in a stupor on his days off, equal leisre time would be an ideal solution.

Ignore WildBull and his fluffy sidekick. They've been touring threads for a while now on a mission to cause offence and disrupt. Not sure why anyone would get a kick from doing that but if it keeps them busy and away from the real world I suppose there's some benefit.

Bah!

leisure
leisure
leisure
leisure
leisure

Mandatory - i don't mind doing the lion share as long as I cam get a few hours to read my book or enjoy a phonecall with a friend or family member (live miles from most of both). Or god forbid pop out for a coffee with a friend and not have to think about whether it's a chikd friendly place, has highchairs, language appropriate place ie not my favourite bar

Nautical - the night shifts do leave him a bit of a space cadet on his first day off which is fine but he then has twonother days where he could help or give me a break for a couple of hours.

I know once I point it out he will be fine and very apologetic etc it's juts when I tried to talk to him the other day he was knackered and grumpy from a crap shift and was angry with his exw over something and ingot the brunt of it.