Dating thread 76

[LoisPuddingLane]

As we were saying...

Millymollie I'd agree that sounds a bit full on for a first date. How did he respond to your answers?

milly that does seem a bit soon to be talking about having children. How old is he? has he got any children? Other than that did you have a good time and are you seeing him again.

I messaged my colleague from work earlier to ask her whether she'd mentioned to her mum that I'd been on a date with Mr Keen - digging a bit deeper, it appears that it is 2 years since they split up but they have text each other since. I thought it was a recent thing?? Not 2 bloody years ago!!!

I shall keep quiet about it for the time being and see if he talks about any past relationships.

I think my colleague has been a bit dramatic over the whole thing! BUT, cynical radar still on full!!

I agree don't it is hard. I find it so hard not to invest emotionally and so I'm holding myself back. I know I can't keep doing these first few weeks over and over . If mr pof doesn't work out I'm not sure I can do old again anytime soon. I so want it to work out!

Louby yes I agree 2 years is a long time ago. Cynical radar isn't a bad thing at all just try not to let it taint the dates. A date at a time and all that.

I've had an absolutely amazing weekend. I have never been one for bragging and really value modesty but I've really had my confidence boosted over the weekend and need to get better at selling myself if I'm ever going to do OLD .

So, I went to the races Saturday and I'm not sure if it was what I was wearing (Dressed very smartly) but I was getting an awful lot of attention from guys. We went out after and it was the same. Two guys asked for my number and have both texted me to ask if they can take me out. It's made me think I'm possibly more attractive than I give myself credit for as well as realising a bit of self confidence can go a long way.

So whilst I'm feeling buoyed up, I'm going to write my OLD profile. I might even make it public .

Woo hoo singlesock go for it! Nothing like an ego boost!!

Well, I've had an interesting weekend.

I was taking my children to see my boyfriend today. The plan was to go to the town where he lives - it's a beautiful place - and then he would meet us for lunch and maybe an ice cream in the park before he went home and we went on with our day.

My son pulled an absolute fit this morning and refused to go, or ever have anything to do with him, or anyone else his dad or I date ever. Now, I've been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months and I met him 12 months after my exH's affair came to light and I kicked him out. He's met him once already and liked him. His exactly words were, "I thought he was a really sweet man". I don't know what came over him, but I don't think I've ever seen him so angry!

I didn't want to leave him behind, but didn't really want to take him and have him spoil the day either, so his dad took him. I explained to his dad why, and he said he'd have a word with him about it...

Which meant that my daughter and I went alone. And we had a lovely time! We got there at lunch time, we met him for lunch and then for a play in the park. He pushed her on the roundabout and the swing when she asked. When her ice cream melted everywhere and I mopped her up with babywipes and tissues, he held the sticky, messy wipes until we found a bin. Even when she was a little shy and unresponsive in her 7 year old way, he still perservered with her. And when we were sitting by the river and she introduced him to Hobson's Choice (the Either/Or game) with "Would you rather drink wee or eat poo" he laughed and answered her! His efforts were understated. She was my priority and he was clearly supportive of that.

She was manic for most of the day because of a combination of nerves and a sugar rush and didn't calm down until about 5pm! She sang the answer to every question in a dodgy American accent to the tune of the chorus of The Leveller's Beautiful Day... And told him she likes Tom Waits and David Bowie...

We gave him a lift home and he invited us into his flat for a drink. Then he offered to cook us dinner, we accepted and we all watched Horrible Histories together.

And he thought she was lovely and she said he was really nice.

And 6 and a half hours after we met him, we came home. I don't think she managed to put him off me, let's put it like that! It really couldn't have gone any better...

girlie it's good to hear things are still going well with Smallfeet I know what you mean about the wanting your own space. I sometimes think it would be nice if my boyfriend lived closer than an hour's drive away, except that I wouldn't have time to see him any more often anyway, and would just feel like I ought to see him more. None of that is because I don't want to be around him, it's just that I have my own stuff to do, and like my own space in which to do it.

Have you told him you love him?

Louby -its lucky you hadn't mentioned your collegues mother, 2years is quite a long time and alot can change. You think she might have mentioned the time span involved!
My date was 40yrs old no kids, which he clearly regrets.
He backtracked abit when I explained my reasons for not wanting more and asked to meet again.
I'm hesitant as I'm easily put off and he did say something like he wanted one of his own but would be happy to take my children on?!?

Folk -that sounds like a lovely introduction to your daughter :)

It was lovely, milly.

She has met him before. I went overseas to meet (and stay with!) his family earlier this year and I took them both to meet him beforehand so that they knew who it was their mum was away with.

But that was a 2 hour lunch, this had so much more potential to go wrong, but it didn't. I think he was quite taken with her. He's another one who has got to his late 40s never having married and with no children because he never met the right person.

He said that he sometimes wonders if he'll regret it one day, but he has made his choice. He was a really natural with my daughter though.

Jarlin it's good to hear from you! I'm sorry to read you feel at a bit of a crossroads. I nearly included in my last post (before I'd read yours) that, come November, you, girlie and I could host a virtual party to celebrate making it to a year!

Have you talked to him about it? What does he say?

I'm feeling ok today, but the other day I was having a real crisis of confidence. It is hard. I thought that it would be easier than it is. but it's not. It's bloody hard!

Jarlin I'm with you on the finding it easier to write it down front. There are a couple of things I really want to discuss with my boyfriend, but I get so tongue tied. I literally can't speak; I can't get any words out. But I could talk all night on email.

He finds that difficult. He says that email/text is too impersonal and isn't proper communication. He wants me to open up to him verbally. But it is hard.

Do you think you could do it the old fashioned way and write him a letter? I know it seems a bit daft, but texts are so brief and don't require a person's attention to read them. Same with emails really; it's easy to type one out while you're half watching TV and read them similarly. But a handwritten letter can often be as effective and as heartfelt as spoken words, but with the added advantage that you don't have to actually speak.

If you feel you've reached a crossroads and you like him but can't see it continuing the way it is, it might be worth just laying everything on the line and seeing what comes back.

I don't know, it might be worth a go...

He does seem to be lovely, doesn't he? I do sometimes worry that there is something wrong that I just haven't discoverd yet...

I don't know about my son. He's been at his dad's all day, they've just watched the football and he's texted to say they're about to eat...

So I'm guessing he is ok now, but will he be ok next time, is another matter entirely...

So I've started a separate thread on it but any advice on how/when to introduce dcs to someone?

to Jarlin and Folk, glad your day went well Folk sounds great, your son maybe needs a bit more time... I have the opposite problem with my dd, she loves Smallfeet and misses him if she hasn't seen him for a few days!!

I haven't said I love you to Smallfeet, I am a bit anxious about saying it as the last guy I said it to, the moment I said it, I thought 'I don't think thats true' And also I would like him to have the courage to say it first, I feel like generally I have done most of the firsts in other ways so would like to see him make the effort on this one!!

Like Jarlin will be amazed if we make it to a year!! We have a weeks holiday booked in August which I am slightly worried about but guess it will show more clearly whether long term we will be compatible. For me the jury is still out on that one!!

I had a complete crisis of confidence last week, I nearly pmed you Folk as thought you would understand and don't really have anyone in rl to talk to!! Am generally feeling bit better now but not finding this dating lark is getting much eaiser tbh!!

Oh sorry minime I introduced dd (8yo) to my chap after 3 months and it has been a gradual getting to know each other. If dd had contact with her real dad and spent wends/ time with him I would have prob waited longer but struggled in terms of not being able to spend time with him as dd is always with me!!

We have been together 8 months now and he has just started to stay over occasionally, when I spoke to dd about whether that would be o.kay she said 'but you are not married'

It is useful to see what he is like with dd as obv that is a dealbreaker and imo you wouldn't want to invest a lot of time in someone to then discover that he is useless with kids or that your kids hate him!! That said 3 months is the minimum time I would wait before introducing to dd.

Would anyone mind if I PMed them with my profile to see if it reads ok please? I've found it really really difficult to write!

Thanks girlie

I don't mind singlesock, what site you on?

I've PMed you Pink.

Great profile I reckon

So many random questions floating around in my head about life, dating, work .... driving myself crazy.

Grr. Can't change my username so will have to delete and start again .

I don't mind looking either sock, if you want another opinion, that is...

girlie Please, feel free to PM if it happens again. I'd be happy to help if I can. I feel like I've been through so much over the past 8 months and you've helped a lot. If I can return the favour in any small way, I will

My son and I chatted today. He's apologised for yesterday and said he was just feeling really overwhelmed by it.

I remembered something today that I think might have something to do with it. A couple of months ago he said he wanted to stop at home rather than at his dad's when my boyfriend was here. I said I didn't think it would be appropriate because my boyfriend would be there and the arrangements had already been made and he said, "i don't mind. It's not like you and he... you know... anyway, is it?" and i didn't know what to say. My pause was only a split second but he looked horrified and said, "Oh god you do! You and he, you know... you do." He then dramatically fell to his knees covered his ears and demanded brain bleach... He was being lighthearted about it, but I suppose seeing my boyfriend means seeing the man I am having sex with and it's an uncomfortable truth for him (and me!)

As he said at the time, it's bad enough knowing that your parents have ever done it, without knowing your mum is definitely doing it with someone else. It has not been spoken of since (obviously) but I think that's what the issue is...

mini I thought I'd answer here instead of your other thread. I waited until nearly 6 months when I was going away with my boyfriend, before introducing the children to him. We met for a 2 hour lunch and it was definitely me and the children. And then him.

This weekend was the second meeting, 2 months later. I admit that if he lived closer and we saw each other more often anyway, then it might have happened more than it has. I have been extra cautious about introducing them. But then, I know the pitfalls of that, too. I like Cogito's reasoning on your other thread. But I'm also wary of 'hoodwinking' my children that someone is just another friend, when they are clearly not just that...

I think as long as you do it with respect for your children and an acknowledgement that their needs trump your and your boyfriends wants then you're not going to go far wrong. (I mean those you and your as generals to everyone, not you specifically )

Jaysus. Just reregistered and had about 10 wltm notifications and I hadn't even finished uploading my profile photo. Is that normal? I'm a bit overwhelmed to be honest!