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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 76

999 replies

LoisPuddingLane · 11/06/2014 10:57

As we were saying...

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 11/07/2014 17:49

Hm, tricky one, Louby.

I don't think I'd say anything either, yet. But I certainly would be DTD until I'd spoken to him about it.

It sounds like you and he have had a lovely couple of dates, but I'd be wary about getting emotionally attached. Just in case.

Your colleague could well tell her mum anyway. If she does, he'll find out that you know and then he'll have to address it anyway.

The on/off element of it would worry me a little...

louby44 · 11/07/2014 17:58

Yes I'm thinking the same as you guys!

I've told her to tell her mum, I really aren't bothered! I have nothing to hide. My thoughts are that if his relationship has failed with her, it's done so for a reason and what would I say to someone about my ex in the same circumstances and would it put them off?

Why should one failed relationship tarnish the next one - which may (or not) work out.

I still have very hairy legs and my wax appointment isn't for 2 weeks and then he goes on holiday so there will be no bedroom action. lol

knittedknickers · 11/07/2014 18:07

I love the 'hairy legs reason' louby. I agree with others, I would find it very hard but would probably not mention it to him. I guess the thing is that many men may have this kind of 'past' or have had on/off relationships etc but we don't normally get to hear about them or at least not from the 'other woman's' point of view. If your gut feeling is that it's going well and he seems nice then I think you should just go with that for now but keep those legs hairy for a while!!!

louby44 · 11/07/2014 18:40

knitted that is so true! My ex had a relationship before me that was more serious than he made out. I went on holiday with him and his 2 girls shortly after we met, he made out the girls had been on holiday with only him the previous year but I found out 2 years into our relationship that he'd taken this girlfriend on holiday too! He'd told his DD to keep that from me and all photo's of the gf were hidden from me!!

But, and I'm not being big headed here - Mr Keen's ex gf is the complete opposite to me. I'm in a different league to her, in every way possible, looks, intelligence and in my job! I'm a bloody good catch! Smile

MadeMan · 11/07/2014 19:51

"Mr Keen we went bowling and for a drink, he was very touchy-feely..."

Was he using the tried and tested technique of standing behind you and (whilst holding the ball together) showing you how to bowl. Pub Pool is another good teaching cliché game for getting hands on with a woman. Smile

Minime85 · 11/07/2014 21:09

Louby I would try and not think too much about what he may or may not have down in the past. I guess we all have done things we may regret or choose not to do again.

See what he is like now with you. I think a few dates in you tend to talk more about your past so see what comes up about it.

AndCatMakesThree · 12/07/2014 15:52

Hi, I used to be a semi-regular on this thread a couple of years ago, but have name-changed (as I stupidly picked a similar name to use on dating sites, and don't want to risk anyone I date finding me on here and reading what I say about them!)

I actually thought I was an OD success story ... met someone I really liked, and we were together for 18 months. But sadly we broke up last month, and it's really hard. We had so many good times, and I miss him a lot. But I thought perhaps the best thing to do was get back on the saddle, so I've joined POF and have started chatting to a few men. One in particular looks and sounds lovely, and just my type, but for childcare reasons we can't meet for another few weeks, which is so frustrating!

Last time I was internet dating I found this thread fantastic and really supportive, so although I'm a bit gutted to be doing OD again, I'm looking forward to sharing stories with you all.

louby44 · 12/07/2014 17:17

Welcome cat it is a fab thread! I too met someone online back in 2008 and thought he was 'the one' but sadly we split in Dec last year.

I've had a few dates but nothing major - now met my latest guy twice with a 3rd date arranged for next Friday. not got to date 3 for a long time!

AndCatMakesThree · 12/07/2014 20:33

Thanks, Louby, and sorry to hear that you went through a split in December - it's painful, isn't it?

It sounds as if your latest guy has lots of good points, but, like you, I think the situation with your colleague's mum would worry me. But I also think it's definitely worth seeing him again. What are you doing for date 3?

louby44 · 12/07/2014 21:51

cat I'm not sure yet! Cinema possibly. He's asked if he can arrange a surprise(?) date the week after (I'm on holiday and my DC are with their dad) so the 4th date is already being planned too.

He says all the right things, and has text loads since our date on Thursday and if I wasn't cynical I'd probably be pretty happy at this point, but sadly I just don't believe in happy ever afters...how sad is that??

dontcallmehon22 · 12/07/2014 22:45

Hi guys, just popping back on. Just had a v casual thing end (the boundaries were getting blurry) and I feel strangely sad. Need virtual cuddles.

AndCatMakesThree · 12/07/2014 23:42

Dontcallme, I'm sending a virtual hug. I think it's quite normal to feel sad when things end even if it was something quite casual. It sounds as if maybe you were developing more feelings for him than you wanted to, or maybe vice versa?

dontcallmehon22 · 13/07/2014 05:22

I think it was possibly more the other way round, I don't know. But I did have some feelings kinda.

louby44 · 13/07/2014 09:00

((virtual)) hug heading your way!

It's very quiet on here this weekend!!Is everyone dating?

dontcallmehon22 · 13/07/2014 09:09

Thanks louby. I think I need to totally step away from dating. I don't know how to be alone. I am confused.

Minime85 · 13/07/2014 09:33

Oh don't I hope you are ok. I'm no good at being on my own either.

dontcallmehon22 · 13/07/2014 09:42

I thought I was happy being single but I think this casual thing allowed me to postpone my grief for a while. Now I have to confront it. There's no way round it. I obviously felt very deeply for Geeky and that just means I'm a sensitive person with a lot of love to give. And I know I can have feelings for someone else and possibly did, but I need those feelings to be strong enough. Perhaps I won't get that till I am happy alone. I feel very negative about my life and my situation at the moment.

Pinklaydee1302 · 13/07/2014 11:08

Don't I too struggle to be single hence the reason I've kept at OD. I fell for mr kids but it wasn't to be. When I was with him though I wasn't me, I was this scared, on edge wreck all the time and really I'm a pretty confident person so even though I loved him deep down I knew it wasn't right.

I had date 2 with mr postman last night. I've been ill with stomach bug and so we had to cancel our dinner date and we just went to my local. It just all felt easygoing and friendly and at first I thought I didn't fancy him but the more we chatted the more I started to feel closer to him (and there was no alcohol involved as I was still feeling sick). We then came home as I still didn't feel good and we just snuggled up on my sofa and just being with him calmed me and made me feel much better. We then kissed properly and WOW suddenly the flames starting licking up inside me Shock luckily tho he'd booked a taxi and went home shortly after!!

We are going away to Whitby next weekend for couple of days I'm a gorgeous posh hotel overlooking the sea and I'm really excited about it now Smile

Think my feelings are definitely growing so sometimes it's worth it I think!

We are going

mariposaazul · 13/07/2014 11:15

Louby lol- I too thought it was quiet but certainly no dating going on here - it's been months since :( I made an effort to read some profiles on POF & sent 3 messages on Friday to which zero response...I find OLD & the wasted time 'researching' possibilities so dispiriting....

louby44 · 13/07/2014 12:01

mari I know it is rubbish isn't it! Well at least pink and I are doing a bit of dating. have you tried OKcupid? that's free too.

Mr keen told me via text that he's made a lot of mistakes with women since his divorce - I'm taking that as him saying he's messed women around and such like (probably including my colleagues mum), but maybe he knows he needs to be different if he is ever to be happy.

I'm playing it cool, not giving much of myself away this time until I know him a lot better.

girliefriend · 13/07/2014 12:26

Hi all just dipping in to catch up, things are still ticking along with Smallfeet but I have a few concerns.

Firstly I am more than happy seeing him once or twice a week and although enjoy spending time with him am just as happy on my own, am guessing this doesn't bode well for the relationship moving forward!!

Secondly he still hasn't told me he loves me. We have now been seeing each other 8 months!!! Am I right in feeling a bit annoyed about this?!!

Thirdly although the sex is great I sometimes feel like when he comes over he 'expects' sex iyswim? I think his libido is a lot more than mine!!

Otherwise things are good, he gets on really well with my dd and I feel generally very relaxed around him. I think I am a little bit on unchartered waters as this is the longest relationship I have been in Blush and no matter who I am with always will crave my own space. Having anyone around me for too long (with the exception of dd) and I still to feel a bit panicky Sad

Minime85 · 13/07/2014 15:31

Louby that sounds promising re planned dates and that he is admitting failings and being honest about them.

louby44 · 13/07/2014 15:57

girlie it's so hard isn't it, even 8 months down the line it's still difficult this dating lark.

mini yes it is good but my cynical radar is still on overdrive!

millymolliemandy07 · 13/07/2014 18:36

Hi all

I had a first date on Friday, nice guy but about an hour in started quizzing me on whether I would consider having more children. I said I thought I was abit old (38) I know that people have them older but as I have two already I feel I've done my bit :)
Anyway it was quite an involved discussion considering we'd just met. Do you think he was just putting it out there or is this abit weird?
As I'm new to all this I'm not good at reading the signs...

dontcallmehon22 · 13/07/2014 19:38

It is hard the dating business. Well I'm off to a writer's group tomorrow with my online dating guide...