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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend arriving in 5...

236 replies

Sleepingbunnies · 10/06/2014 22:46

Posted in chat too but thought I might get more responses here... My DP is arriving in 5 mins with my friend who has finally left her abusive partner after 13 years.

He bit her fucking face! I am so angry.

I have told her she can stay as long as she likes in our spare room but I thing she'll be back with him by the weekend, don't know why, just a feeling I have.

I want her to stay gone!

OP posts:
kalidanger · 12/06/2014 22:38

She's with you now?

God, I'm sorry - I don't have any advice :( Good luck, to both of you Thanks

DustBunnyFarmer · 12/06/2014 22:40

She sounds like she's hypervigilant and fearful, which is worrying. Can the DV unit on 101 help?

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 12/06/2014 22:40

She won't let me call anyone.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 12/06/2014 22:42

Does she have kids?

Ask her what she wants in the immediate/longer term future?

Then discuss how to get there. Or if it is unrealistic.

so if she says she wants to stay with him you ask what would have to happen for her to be happy with him. then how likely that is to happen.

I guess what you want to do is try to lead her to come to her own conclusion (the correct one)

Give what you can but not more. This is not your responsibility. Don't let it drag you down.

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 12/06/2014 22:43

I am shattered. 3 days of dealing with this have left me drained. I want to sleep.

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 12/06/2014 22:44

Is your DH there? If so can one of you go walk the dog/get milk/fetch something from the car and phone women's aid for urgent advice?

Something is far wrong, is she wanting to stay the night?

Teeb · 12/06/2014 22:44

It must be so frustrating and frightening for you, sometimes you just want to shake someone when they are in this loop of abuse. I hope she can come to the right choice with your support, you've been a wonderful friend to her through this.

RhondaJean · 12/06/2014 22:45

0808 2000 247

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 12/06/2014 22:45

Let your dp takeover for a few moments. He seems level headed.

Go get a glass of water and breathe.

Lock your doors

Zucker · 12/06/2014 22:46

Regardless of what she says, you need to ring the police and let them know what is happening. More than likely he has threatened you in some way and that's why she is jumpy. For yourself and your families safety you need to call someone.

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 12/06/2014 22:50

My DP is at work :( due back any minute.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be asking what I already know, I know I have to call someone and take this out of her hands.

OP posts:
DustBunnyFarmer · 12/06/2014 22:52

Why not be honest? Tell her you feel out of your depth, that you need specialist advice so you can support her properly.

RhondaJean · 12/06/2014 22:52

Sleeping, sometimes it takes someone else to articulate the thing we know to let us realise it is alright (if that makes any sense)

I think sucker is probably right and he has threatened you if she went near you again, it sounds highly probable.

You are a good friend and I hope I have one like you if I ever need, and can be one like you if called on.

DustBunnyFarmer · 12/06/2014 22:53

I think this is one of those situations where a courageous conversation may be required.

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 12/06/2014 22:56

I have a rather large baseball bat by my door. Let him try coming to my house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 12/06/2014 22:59

DP is home. He is calling police because he thinks something funny is going on.

OP posts:
WhoremoaneeGrainger · 12/06/2014 23:02

I am so glad he is home with you. I hope she is just nervous because she is somewhere she shouldn't be, and not because she know something is going to happen. Just make sure you and yours stay safe Sleepingbunnies. You are a really great friend.

ballsballsballs · 12/06/2014 23:03

You're a good friend OP. Flowers

Zucker · 12/06/2014 23:03

Hmm I wonder if he even is working tonight at all. Police is the best thing, your description of her tonight is completely different to how you've described her all along. Something has changed.

CheckpointCharlie · 12/06/2014 23:06

Oh my god sleeping just seen this.... Shock

Please please keep safe.

DustBunnyFarmer · 12/06/2014 23:09

Really pleased to hear your H is home and has taken decisive steps. Keep us posted - really want to hear you and your friend are safe.

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 12/06/2014 23:09

DP has just text (!!) Hmm and said that he wants her to get out of our house, he doesn't believe anything she is saying. He has spoken to police and they have said they will respond appropriately if anyone becomes to be in immediate danger

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 12/06/2014 23:11

What is it he doesn't believe and what does he think is going to happen?

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 12/06/2014 23:13

He doesn't belive her DP is at work.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 12/06/2014 23:13

Can you call her mum to collect her?