Friend arriving in 5...

[Sleepingbunnies]

Posted in chat too but thought I might get more responses here... My DP is arriving in 5 mins with my friend who has finally left her abusive partner after 13 years.

He bit her fucking face! I am so angry.

I have told her she can stay as long as she likes in our spare room but I thing she'll be back with him by the weekend, don't know why, just a feeling I have.

I want her to stay gone!

sadwidow - you are amazing

bunnies - that's a lovely idea, be prepared for her to cry though. My DB bought me a teddy and I cried my eyes out but only because it reminded me how loved and cared for I was.

Spoke to some male friends they are going to et her stuff today.

OP, can I just say how special you are due to the support you have given your friend.

But please, please be careful about how much you give of yourself. I think you have done as much and more as anyone can do and as others have said, it is HER relationship and decision to make - you can provide as much help as you can but are unable to actually live her life for her.

You obviously have a job, house, DP and responsibilities aplenty, and you need the mental and physical energies to fulfil this. Please do not think i am lecturing but I have done similar things myself and neglected my pwn circumstances to the detriment of many, with all the best intentions, IYSWIM.

It sounds as if you are a super caring person and I truly applaud what you are doing - just don't lose yourself on the way. There is a big difference between being responsible and being uncaring and detached.

Hugs and congratulations for your care and interest.

Your posting made me gasp. Biting her face, oh my God that is so unacceptable and nasty. Having some DV in the past, I know that everyone going against him could make her feel sorry for him and return. She needs some bigger stronger (yes muscle wise) people around her, and somewhere safe to be. Men like this are also cowards and would hate to be confronted. I think a telephone to the police too. They are much more aware these days of DV and how to manage it. You dont even have to tell your friend - say it must have been a neighbour

Good luck x

your friend can also do the Freedom Programme online - worth asking her to look?

HERE

use you are not wrong about responsibilities a plenty :( work FT, 2 young DDs and I am drained this morning.

Horrified he bit her face. That is the action of an attacking animal, not a human being.

to all of you.

Thank you all. I have been on the woman's aid website.

A question... Would it be none of my business to contact her mum?... We are friends on FB so I could message her?

I don't know, you could ask her if she's heard from her DD.

Does that man know your friend is at your place?

It probably wouldn't take a lot of working out on his part to realise she is at mine.

I want to throttle him... That's not true, I want to tell some very nice men I know what he has done and see what they make of it... But I realise that makes me as bad as him :(

You're not a bad person for thinking he could do with a taste of his own medicine. As you say, not that it would help your friend.

You know she is probably texting him already.

Yes donkey makes me angry and sad in equal measure. I couldn't imagine being in her position. :(

I don't know what to do :(

I think you need to try to persuade her to tell her mum. As someone who left a relationship shortly after it turned violent, I can promise you she won't want to. She'll want to maintain the illusion he's a nice man to her family. But it will make it real if she does.

Thank you longtail I will try.

Sorry for everyone that has been in this position but thank you for all the advice.

Hi Sleep just read your updates.

Please don't feel bad for wanting to make this man feel like your friend does. I think that is a perfectly normal reaction to have against somebody who has hurt someone you love.

You are doing all you can to help her and maybe getting her to tell her mum would help as its support for her and you.

You are making her feel loved and cared for and hopefully she will see that this is the way she should and deserves to be treated.

It is a very stressful and emotional situation to deal with and I urge you to seek support where you can either through your DH on here.

x

Ok so apparently he has text and said that he doesn't know what 'came over him' and can they talk. Her words 'I don't know what to do'

I knew I should have had the day off!

Sadly victims minimise and lie to protect their partners. He isn't sorry and she is possibly pleased he has been in touch. Try and sit on your hands so you aren't tempted to call and badmouth him or drive over in your lunch hour.

Trying hard not to judge :( when I really want to shake her.

I just called the domestic violence helpline. They were brilliant. Just a question of waiting and seeing.

Excellent.

Iv arranged for someone to go and get some stuff for her. Fingers crossed this is really it.

You are a lovely friend sleeping

I don't feel it!

I know I'm quite a dominant personality :( I don't want her to feel railroaded but I just want her to stay gone.

Iv had a message from a mutual friend (who I haven't spoken to in years) 'warning' me apparently that he isn't happy.