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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend arriving in 5...

236 replies

Sleepingbunnies · 10/06/2014 22:46

Posted in chat too but thought I might get more responses here... My DP is arriving in 5 mins with my friend who has finally left her abusive partner after 13 years.

He bit her fucking face! I am so angry.

I have told her she can stay as long as she likes in our spare room but I thing she'll be back with him by the weekend, don't know why, just a feeling I have.

I want her to stay gone!

OP posts:
Pimpf · 11/06/2014 21:53

Please do not go by yourself

Longtalljosie · 11/06/2014 21:55

Yeah - that doesn't sound safe. I'm bending towards the idea it could be the partner...

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 11/06/2014 21:58

She said she'l be here in 10. Let's wait and see.

OP posts:
sadwidow28 · 11/06/2014 21:59

Well done!

Keep yourself and your family safe.

It doesn't sound like it is the friend texting.

Phone 101 and ask them to check out the meeting place that was suggested. they can extricate your friend from her DH if she doesn't actually want to be with him.

Viviennemary · 11/06/2014 21:59

I think you should distance yourself from this situation till she has made a decision to leave. Otherwise you could be putting yourself and your own partner in danger.

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 11/06/2014 22:04

I think so too viv :(

My DP said he isn't happy about all this waiting for her to turn up, getting random texts etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 11/06/2014 22:24

She hasn't arrived. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 11/06/2014 22:32

I'm going to try and sleep. Such an early start tomorrow.

OP posts:
NotALondoner · 11/06/2014 22:33

Do you need to call the police for some advice?

NotALondoner · 11/06/2014 22:35

Sorry, cross posted. Look after yourself, you have offered her a safe place, whether she accesses that or not is up to her.

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 11/06/2014 22:39

Thank you londoner

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 11/06/2014 22:44

you have offered her a safe place, whether she accesses that or not is up to her.

It may not be. It smells bad to me. The friend was happy enough at the OPs last night but now wants to meet her, alone, away from the house when the OP knows that the boyfriend "is not happy"?

I would be calling the police, telling them everything that happened last night and asking them to go to the friends home and check up on her.

Bogeyface · 11/06/2014 22:44

Sorry, I mean it may not be up to her if the boyfriend is refusing to allow her to leave and has her phone.

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 11/06/2014 22:50

On 999 or non emergency number?!

OP posts:
NotALondoner · 11/06/2014 22:55

Ooh that's a good point actually.

NotALondoner · 11/06/2014 22:56

Maybe non emergency and they can escalate it if needed?

Original poster
Sleepingbunnies · 11/06/2014 22:57

Right am off to call 101

OP posts:
DinoSnores · 11/06/2014 22:58

Gosh, yes, call the police. That all sounds very odd.

BuzzardBird · 11/06/2014 23:08

Your hand has been forced by all the strange events. The upside of this is that the police will be aware of his behaviour now.

MyLatest · 11/06/2014 23:14

You are being a really good friend. Do look after yourself as well.

It's such a terrible situation. I knew a girl who died at the hands of her partner. He was and is a pathetic loser who has abused every woman he has ever had a relationship with. The girl I knew (friend of a former work colleague) left him several times but kept going back. I never understood what she saw in him but I have read enough on here to get more insight into how he probably manipulated her and destroyed her self-confidence, just ground her down. I could cry thinking about the times she got away. If she had stayed away she would probably be alive today Sad

sadwidow28 · 12/06/2014 00:13

I am still here if you need a hand to hold.

Well done on calling the police.

If your friend was with her DH and having a discussion then she had every right to tell you that she would be late back to your home/or not coming back at all.

It is a sign of disrespect.

But maybe she doesn't have any clue about normal relationships.

You have been a wonderful and marvelous friend during the last 24 hours.

Now go and tuck yourself up in bed with your DP - and have a little look at your children as they sleep. They are your blessings.

custardismyhamster · 12/06/2014 00:28

Hoping you hear from your friend soon OP, enough so you are sure she is safe , whatever she has decided to do

HilariousInHindsight · 12/06/2014 00:45

I hope everything is ok I am quite scared for your friend - and you to be honest.

What did police say?

sadwidow28 · 12/06/2014 00:52

OP had enough advice to keep herself safe I think. She is also an intelligent woman.

I am happy to log in for the next hour or so in case OP needs someone to talk to.

HilariousInHindsight · 12/06/2014 01:06

Oh I agree and imagine her DH is clued up.

I just know how desperate these types get (abusers, that is).