Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

[SoleSource]

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

[Zara8]

Your friends sound narrow minded twats JaycesMummy

You could try challenging their odious views? Unless of course you agree with them, in which case I must ask why you think it's ok to be so judgmental?

Ah yes the thrill of the chase/a challenge. I do love analogies where women are equated to prey...

[melissa83]

The men that think like that are the type that worry they are rubbish in bed, insecure or jealous types. I dont want my dds to be shagging those types of losers so will be more than happy if they do it whenever they want.

[melissa83]

Tinks and jaycesmummy do your own partmers actually hold the 'good woman' type views?

[Tinks42]

Surely everyone likes a challenge, its human nature? Do we all want it so easy? I for one don't.

[JaycesMummy]

Zara8 If I was a male I wouldn't really see myself being in a relationship with a woman that has given it to me on the first date either. I have been on dates where guys have pampered me thinking that they will be getting sex in return, that's when I've had to cut off all communication with them.

Whatever happened to speaking and getting to know one another on the first date?

I am not judgemental I just have my views on certain subjects. You may think I'm just old fashioned, I'm 26 :)

[Tinks42]

Lets drink like the lads
Lets shag like the lads

Lets forget that we're different

Ok then!

Certain things have been very lost along the way?

Why don't we teach the boys to not drink so much and to value something very intimate?

[melissa83]

Dh and I had been married nearly 7 years at your age, but thankfully he never has and never will hold such ridiculous views, and I couldnt be with a man that did.

[WaitingForMe]

I value my time. Given that I wouldn't enter a relationship with someone selfish/rubbish/incompatible in bed, it seems silly to invest time in dates.

DH and I chatted loads when we first met. Isn't that what recovery time is for?

[Tinks42]

Doncha just love smug marrieds!

[HappyMummyOfOne]

I wouldn't nor would I respect a man that did. The number of partners a man has had was a big factor for me.

What happens if contraception fails, how on earth can you parent with a stranger?

[Zara8]

It's not about it being a "challenge".

People should have sex because they both want to do it. If one of them doesn't want to do it until a later stage in the relationship, that's 100% ok! And it's no slight against the other person! All you need to say is "I'd prefer us to get to know each other a bit better first".

JaycesMummy you are indeed being judgmental. Using a smiley face at the end of your judgmental comment does not undo the fact of it being judgmental, FYI. You are saying that if you were a man, you would judge a woman for having sex with you on the first date. Having sex that YOU would have consented to have with her. And then you judge her afterwards. That's a disgusting way to treat someone. If you think it's important to get to know someone better first, that's fine. Don't have sex with them until you feel ready. But don't judge someone after the fact of doing something YOU consented to.

Oh wait, but men are gagging for it all the time, they are just feeble minded apes that can't say no when sex is offered to them - right? And women should protect their Sacred Vaginas lest they be judged - am I correct?

[MiniatureRailway]

Hmm, maybe not the first time if it's a typical "date" set up. That usually means a drink and a chat and see whether you both want to see each other again to me.

But if it's a different kind of arrangement then why not. I slept with my DH straight away but we were introduced through friends so it was a lot more casual of a situation and there was much more background etc.

[Zara8]

Tinks42 it's not about "shag like the lads", you're falling into the trap of antiquated thinking.

Both men and women should have sex when they want to, when they feel it is appropriate in that relationship. You know, to treat their sexual partners with dignity and like human beings. To use communication to find out what the other person's preferences are. Jesus, it's not hard.

How does the "lads and ladies" line of thinking hold up under scrutiny when it comes to say, same sex couples? Will gay men never respect each other and will lesbians never EVER have sex on the first date?

[JaycesMummy]

HappyMummy Exactly

[Cardinal]

I didn't even know DHs name when I first slept with him. He went from a one night stand, to a fuck buddy, to nc, to my boyfriend in the course of 3 years from meeting him.

There are no rules. Do whatever you want to do.

[DramaAlpaca]

I wouldn't personally, but I wouldn't judge you if you did.

[Zara8]

A person who consents to have sex with someone, intending to judge them afterwards, is a very sad specimen of humanity.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

tinks - how are we different? You mean as in, we could get pregnant?

I'm all for safe sex, but FFS, if you are someone who enjoys sex on the first date, and you suppress that to impress some bloke, aren't you likely to filter out all the men who are actually good partners for you? If you had sex on that first date while feeling uncomfortable and feeling you'd really rather wait, we'd all be jumping up and down pointing out no-one should feel that way - and it's true. But, it's also true that no-one should feel shamed into pretending they don't like sex. It's a recipe for ending up with a partner whose sexuality doesn't match yours.

[Maisie0]

I don't really get all these rules. All I know is a simple rule. The bunny rabbit rule. If two bunnies are meant to be together, you will chase one another about a lot. Naturally, in a discovery way. Even the OP here is discovering this date and asking and pondering about him already. She is getting giddy.

Disney says it best. "You've been twitterpatered."

[Zara8]

maisie

[JaycesMummy]

Zara I will class it as being judgemental and yes if I was male I would think differently of the woman if she gave it to me on the first date. It would make me think "Am I the only one" or "Is this a regular thing for her"

And no I don't think men are "gagging" for it all the time.

[Tinks42]

I can understand your comments Zara, but we are different, that's a fact of "nature" Women on the whole are the carers, the child bearers for a ruddy big damn reason from time began (and im glad to be female). You can bang on all you like that women should be able to do what they like and of course we can. BUT there is a way to go about it rather than thwart the obvious. Most men do quest, its what they are good at.

[JaycesMummy]

Whoops I will not**

[foadmn]

personal choice. you might want to, he might want to, so why not?

[melissa83]

Gave it to me? Good god