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Original poster

Sex on a first date? OK or not OK?

725 replies

SoleSource · 10/06/2014 18:53

Yes, I'll follow my gut instinct if I meet this man I have been chatting to online for the last six months, but I feel that I might sleep with him, as I have been celibate for so long.

Is it outdated to feel that I shouldn't sleep with him as it isn't the tradiitional way to behave?

No idea really if we will want to sleep with each other after we meet in reality.

Just want you views on this please.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 20:17

Sorry for being old fashioned here but I have taught my son to value himself and equate sex with feelings more than an every day thing to do?

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 20:18

Why does it have to boil down to anything he can do I can do better? Is that feminism?

Itsfab · 10/06/2014 20:19

I must be weird. I can't get my head round it being okay to have slept with someone who turned out to be a dickhead as at least you know. But you have slept with them and I guess to me it means something and I wouldn't just sleep with someone for sex's sake.

coffeetofunction · 10/06/2014 20:20

I had sexy with my DH on 1st date, partly cos I'd been celibate a while & partly because I couldn't keep my hands of him...we're now happily married with a great sex life.... So if say if it feels right- go for it!!!

TeddyBearBlue · 10/06/2014 20:20

Its up to you, but I wouldn't personally.

Neither would I go with him to a place that's not public, or introduce him to my kids or friends or family, or give him my address or place or work - I simply wouldn't know or trust him after just a few hours.

iK8 · 10/06/2014 20:23

Nothing wrong with sex for the sake of it and without emotions. Unless of course you don't like that, in which case it would be wrong for you.

Horses for courses innit?

Zara8 · 10/06/2014 20:24

Tinks42 nothing wrong with that at all. If someone doesn't feel comfortable with having sex till they get to know someone better or have feelings for them - that's their prerogative.

The difference is when people judge others for having different views, allude to someone not being a "good woman"Hmm because they want to have sex on the first date.

It takes two to tango. If there are two willing participants - go for it! If one person doesn't want to do it - ain't nothing wrong with that.

Shag when you want to, and be merry, says I!

FunnyFoot · 10/06/2014 20:25

I slept with a guy I met at a party around 5 hours after meeting him.

13 years later he is my DH and we have 4 Dc's (not conceived that night Grin)

Do what's right for you. You are the only one who can make that decision OP.

Noappointmentnecessary · 10/06/2014 20:25

Ok, I did and we been together for 16 years this year, we are married and expecting our first child - do it. Everyone needs a good shagging!!

wafflyversatile · 10/06/2014 20:25

You could hold out for 3 dates or whatever is 'proper' and them still not call afterwards. As a PP said if they like you they won't care that you didn't wait. If they sleep with you on a first date then judge your for sleeping with them on a first date they are a wanker you are better off without.

Do what you wish.

The one thing I would say in favour of waiting a few dates is that you get hours and hours of delectably snoggy anticipation on the lead up to the first time.

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 20:26

I think the op has invested in this emotionally though, whether it be on-line or whatever otherwise she wouldn't be here asking the question.

Maisie0 · 10/06/2014 20:27

It is not "just sex". Sex is sex. Making love is loooooove making. There is a difference. That is why casual sex is called casual sex, and the guys that asks for this just want to release some endorphin or whatever. Goodness knows what. But if you are emotionally connected to somebody, it feels very different entirely. It just is. Rule or no rule. Some guys know this too. i.e. they also cannot just sleep with somebody that they do not have an emotional connect with. Their body refuses to ! It is not an ED thing either. It is a "wrong person" thing...

Of course, if you have been chatting for so long and you have started to fall for that person, without seeing their entire body and connect limb to limb with them... then, this is a bit too Disney... hehe... So, dress up and be excited to see him is what I say ! Don't think or overthink, but let your body connect with him, and see if there are body chemistry. It will happen if you do see him etc. When you are both relax and in your own element, the body chemistry is just natural. Some people do not even know when they are mirroring one another. Such strong forces of attraction..... Grin

AnyFucker · 10/06/2014 20:27

Do it if you want to, but not just because you think you ought to

and vice versa

oh, and report back but please, not in too much feckin' detail Smile

scoobydooagain · 10/06/2014 20:27

I wouldn't because its OLD and in my experience sleeping in the first few dates does not work with OLD (and I'm saying this as someone who slept with exH and a 10 yr relationship on 1st date). With OLD, I slept with someone on the 3rd date and they disappeared, this happened twice! Now I know this was them not me, but that did not stop me feeling a bit rubbish about myself, if I had waited longer and they then disappeared, I would have just felt angry with them and not rubbish about myself. Online is a strange, strange, world.

Clarabum · 10/06/2014 20:28

I would if you want to and you fancy him. I've slept with a few people from OD and a few not OD, there's no rhyme nor reason to if they decide to call (or if I decide I wanted to see them again)

NickiFury · 10/06/2014 20:29

It's a tough one alright. Personally though I subscribe to the 'Rule of Hotness", i.e if I fancy them massively we will likely go for it, it's the only rule I have ever needed and it's never steered me wrong.

melissa83 · 10/06/2014 20:30

I had sex a week after meeting dh and would of done it first night but where we were staying didnt have the chance to. Dh doesnt like good women he only likes bad one so I was alright. Wink Ive been with many men and never waited long its just not me I like sex.

Leviticus · 10/06/2014 20:31

I wouldn't but it's a matter for yourself.

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 10/06/2014 20:34

I met my DP on POF last year, we had sex on our first date and our second and we've been together ever since. I didn't plan on it, it just happened.
If it feels right, go for it!

JaycesMummy · 10/06/2014 20:36

I used the "good woman" term because I have a lot of male friends and I have been told certain things by them, such as they like a challenge, a woman who plays hard to get etc.

I wasn't being disrespectful... I was just saying :) we can all voice our opinions here right?

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 20:36

All im saying OP is if you equate sex with emotion then don't. If you can have sex without that then do..

flightywoman · 10/06/2014 20:37

Well, I met my husband through online dating and our first date was a weekend long, we shagged like rabbits.

We married 8 months later and have our 8th anniversary this year.

I didn't think any less of him for sleeping with me on our first date.

If a guy is going to be a twat he'll be a twat. Meeting online or shagging within minutes of meeting are not going to change his innate twatishness.

melissa83 · 10/06/2014 20:37

If you get there and cant keep your hands off each other thats a good sign imo. If you literally cant wait to fuck each other then it years to come even with 100s of kids and work and whatever else you will always stay the same.Chemistry is what makes a great relationship imo.

RiverTam · 10/06/2014 20:37

goodness, do what you like, your both adults! You might get run over by a bus and go down never having known if he was the greatest shag of your life! Never done online dating, though, I have to say.

(didn't even date DH before we shagged, that came after - still here 12 years on. Sometimes it's a good idea, sometimes not, but life's for living!)

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 20:42

Of course we can JaycesMummy. Male and female do have a different mindset and no amount of feminism will never change that, it may "tweek" it but it wont change it, well not in the next few squillions of years. Best that we as women work with our strengths Grin